50/50 is better than being sticking seeing your kids every other weekend and paying child support. You’re in a better position than some people out there
It’s been ten years for me, maybe you’ll find some comfort in these words. Life goes on. It isn’t the path you were expecting, but that doesn’t mean that life comes to an end. Rather, you will probably have a better life than the current trajectory, once you heal.
Children come first. Be the best father that you can, try to learn patience 10-fold more than before. Don’t let them see your pain. You are their father and their strength.
Before you’re ready to date, re-learn how to love yourself. You don’t have a scarlet A on your chest. Join a good gym, eat better, only drink socially.
Read books on relationships. The divorce isn’t 100% her fault or yours. Learn what you contributed to the divorce, accept it, improve.
Once you heal, dating gets better! At this point, you’re down. You might wonder how/why somebody would date a divorced dad. The reality is that you were vetted and even had a family. So, you understand responsibility and commitment. Those are important dating indicators. Many women see never-married 30/40-something bachelors as red flags.
Once again, learn to love yourself. Life goes on. You’ll be ok.
Edit: Never cut down the kids’ mother in front of them. No excuses, nothing under your breath. They are allowed to love and be loved from both parents.
After my divorce I had a whole lot of debt and absolutely little else. Laundry was done at laundromats and a 13 inch television was all all we had for years.
But we had 50/50 custody and that was the important part. It allowed me to be 100% a parent when my kids were with me and absolute focus on work and anything else on the week they were with their mom. In my custody weeks we had breakfast together every morning and dinner together every night. I hired a nanny to get them to school in the morning so that I could pick them up from school everyday and be with home them all afternoon and evening. During the off weeks I did everything that needed to be done including laundry, cleaning and most of the house work. I also lived on leftovers from the week where my kids were with me.
With my ex-wife moving across the street it was better in many ways for all concerned.
The big downside I found was that it was easier to drop mutual friendships. I was rather alone in the time after the divorce, but I made that work as well.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/aarongdl’s post (if available):
Title, turning 30 in a few months. 2 kids.
Got 50/50 custody.
Drowning in debt.
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My parents got divorced when I was 11. Their fights didn’t stop.
How life is much more enjoyable
50/50 is better than being sticking seeing your kids every other weekend and paying child support. You’re in a better position than some people out there
You’re going to get through this. Be the best parent you can be, and never talk down about your ex their mother to them.
WHY are you drowning in debt? What do you owe? Why do you owe it?
Being in debt generally shouldn’t be a result of a divorce. Something else is going on unless you got suckered into a ridiculous court payment.
“Congrats on escaping the group project from hell.”
🤣
You better figure out what you had to do with what went wrong and fix it. It takes two to tango. And be there for the kids. Don’t be a deadbeat dad.
File Bankruptcy. You never have to pay any Unsecured Debts. Child Support / Spousal Support will remain but all the other junk debt can get wiped out.
You’ll never trust anyone ever again, l know some people don’t get it and they go back to the scene of the crime over and over…people are fkd.
the bottle, a ton of weed, or something like a steady supply of pills is how most dude’s I know fucked it up with the kids.
it starts as going along on Friday’s on your off weeks. then it’s people at your place. then it’s an issue.
not worth it and will cost you dearly. want to keep it 50/50, home is not a single dude space. and no mom of the month girlfriends.
It’s been ten years for me, maybe you’ll find some comfort in these words. Life goes on. It isn’t the path you were expecting, but that doesn’t mean that life comes to an end. Rather, you will probably have a better life than the current trajectory, once you heal.
Children come first. Be the best father that you can, try to learn patience 10-fold more than before. Don’t let them see your pain. You are their father and their strength.
Before you’re ready to date, re-learn how to love yourself. You don’t have a scarlet A on your chest. Join a good gym, eat better, only drink socially.
Read books on relationships. The divorce isn’t 100% her fault or yours. Learn what you contributed to the divorce, accept it, improve.
Once you heal, dating gets better! At this point, you’re down. You might wonder how/why somebody would date a divorced dad. The reality is that you were vetted and even had a family. So, you understand responsibility and commitment. Those are important dating indicators. Many women see never-married 30/40-something bachelors as red flags.
Once again, learn to love yourself. Life goes on. You’ll be ok.
Edit: Never cut down the kids’ mother in front of them. No excuses, nothing under your breath. They are allowed to love and be loved from both parents.
After my divorce I had a whole lot of debt and absolutely little else. Laundry was done at laundromats and a 13 inch television was all all we had for years.
But we had 50/50 custody and that was the important part. It allowed me to be 100% a parent when my kids were with me and absolute focus on work and anything else on the week they were with their mom. In my custody weeks we had breakfast together every morning and dinner together every night. I hired a nanny to get them to school in the morning so that I could pick them up from school everyday and be with home them all afternoon and evening. During the off weeks I did everything that needed to be done including laundry, cleaning and most of the house work. I also lived on leftovers from the week where my kids were with me.
With my ex-wife moving across the street it was better in many ways for all concerned.
The big downside I found was that it was easier to drop mutual friendships. I was rather alone in the time after the divorce, but I made that work as well.