Hi, my (22m) dad (52m) is going through a midlife crisis type thing and has pretty much stopped communicating with my sister (17f) and my mom (60f), and neglecting the house.
My dad has always been an okay father. We had many issues growing up but have sort of moved past them. He and my mom divorced about 11 years ago but they remain friends and still care for one another. My mom moved states a few years ago and my sister went with her because schools and athletics are better there. My dad supported this.
Anyways, recently my dad has changed quite a bit in the last year or two. He’s began going out almost every weekend on trips with his friends – to festivals, rock climbing, concerts, etc. He’s started to neglect the house and we now have lots of fruit flies, ants, and the occasional mice. He leaves food messes every weekend when he goes on his trips that I have to clean so that we don’t get roaches. The fence and deck have completely rotted away and fallen over. The grass was knee high until I finally had time to cut it after graduation, and the house looked abandoned.
The rock climbing is constant. He works from home so he’ll take time off during the week to go climb, hike, white-water raft, etc. In addition to the weekend trips. These trips are all he talks about.
He’s become much more moody and offputting. He’s also become even more forgetful recently. He’s done government work for his whole career and has recently started using weed and talking CONSTANTLY about mushrooms and psilocybin. It’s almost become an obsession. If his job were to find out, he would lose it in an instant.
I talked with my mom tonight and she said that dad never calls my sister, and rarely texts. She misses him, understandably so considering she’s a 17 year old girl without her dad present. He rarely visits (maybe 3x a year) despite working from home – I think this is because if he visits, he can’t go on his weekly trips. My mom and sister text him, sometimes he responds, sometimes he doesn’t. My mom has been sick for two weeks and is going to get bloodwork and tests done, and my dad had no idea and hasn’t talked with her or my sister recently.
Big thing: I really feel that he prioritizes his friends over his family. His mom was the same way. He would rather spend time with them over us. It’s constant.
I just got my engineering degree a couple weeks ago and have been searching for jobs so I can’t move out yet. As soon as I get one I’m gone.
To tie it all together, I can’t speak with him. He is by far the most sensitive person I’ve ever interacted with and cannot take any type of criticism without blowing up, no matter how gentle I try to be. I am a good communicator, but I just can’t with him no matter what. I wish I could ask him why he’s been acting different, but I have no idea how to broach the subject.
I’m sure I’ve forgotten some things but this covers the most general stuff. I might add more in a comment. I don’t mean to treat this like a therapy session but I don’t know who to talk to.
Does anybody have any idea on how to go about talking with him? Anybody ever deal with an ultra-sensitive person before? I don’t have it in me to argue anymore, I spent the first 18 years of my life getting yelled at every day so now I just retreat and avoid. I care deeply for my mom and sister and want him to be more present in their lives again. Thanks in advance for your help. I tried to keep this as short as possible.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/BenzeneDrinker’s post (if available):
Hi, my (22m) dad (52m) is going through a midlife crisis type thing and has pretty much stopped communicating with my sister (17f) and my mom (60f), and neglecting the house.
My dad has always been an okay father. We had many issues growing up but have sort of moved past them. He and my mom divorced about 11 years ago but they remain friends and still care for one another. My mom moved states a few years ago and my sister went with her because schools and athletics are better there. My dad supported this.
Anyways, recently my dad has changed quite a bit in the last year or two. He’s began going out almost every weekend on trips with his friends – to festivals, rock climbing, concerts, etc. He’s started to neglect the house and we now have lots of fruit flies, ants, and the occasional mice. He leaves food messes every weekend when he goes on his trips that I have to clean so that we don’t get roaches. The fence and deck have completely rotted away and fallen over. The grass was knee high until I finally had time to cut it after graduation, and the house looked abandoned.
The rock climbing is constant. He works from home so he’ll take time off during the week to go climb, hike, white-water raft, etc. In addition to the weekend trips. These trips are all he talks about.
He’s become much more moody and offputting. He’s also become even more forgetful recently. He’s done government work for his whole career and has recently started using weed and talking CONSTANTLY about mushrooms and psilocybin. It’s almost become an obsession. If his job were to find out, he would lose it in an instant.
I talked with my mom tonight and she said that dad never calls my sister, and rarely texts. She misses him, understandably so considering she’s a 17 year old girl without her dad present. He rarely visits (maybe 3x a year) despite working from home – I think this is because if he visits, he can’t go on his weekly trips. My mom and sister text him, sometimes he responds, sometimes he doesn’t. My mom has been sick for two weeks and is going to get bloodwork and tests done, and my dad had no idea and hasn’t talked with her or my sister recently.
Big thing: I really feel that he prioritizes his friends over his family. His mom was the same way. He would rather spend time with them over us. It’s constant.
I just got my engineering degree a couple weeks ago and have been searching for jobs so I can’t move out yet. As soon as I get one I’m gone.
To tie it all together, I can’t speak with him. He is by far the most sensitive person I’ve ever interacted with and cannot take any type of criticism without blowing up, no matter how gentle I try to be. I am a good communicator, but I just can’t with him no matter what. I wish I could ask him why he’s been acting different, but I have no idea how to broach the subject.
I’m sure I’ve forgotten some things but this covers the most general stuff. I might add more in a comment. I don’t mean to treat this like a therapy session but I don’t know who to talk to.
Does anybody have any idea on how to go about talking with him? Anybody ever deal with an ultra-sensitive person before? I don’t have it in me to argue anymore, I spent the first 18 years of my life getting yelled at every day so now I just retreat and avoid. I care deeply for my mom and sister and want him to be more present in their lives again. Thanks in advance for your help. I tried to keep this as short as possible.
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