I know the title makes me sound bad for debating it and in most circumstances I wouldn’t even be questioning it, she’d already have a DM.
Names are all fake for privacy.
I(26f) broke up with my ex(26m) at the end of January. He was drinking pretty heavily, was being financially irresponsible so I had to pick up the slack, and was treating me poorly.
About a month later we started texting again and that led to us deciding to work things out. By this point I was living at my parents, he got kicked out of his dad’s house, and it was the messiest breakup. But we still loved each other. He said he was getting sober and was getting his life together. We bickered about little things here and there but for the most part things were good.
About a month ago I got a call from him in the middle of the night. He was clearly drunk and all he said was “I am freaking out, Katie thinks I am cheating on her”. Katie(28f) is not my name so I immediately checked his insta followers and found the only Katie and DM’d her. She’d been seeing him since a week before we got back together. She blocked him everywhere immediately, I messaged him and went off on him. He was so wasted he didn’t even remember calling me and thought I had somehow found out another way.
We compared notes and noticed a few things:
-There were things at his place we assumed belonged to the other person but they actually belonged to neither of us
-When he was with one of us and didn’t want the other to know he’d say he was with a certain friend, but Katie knows this friend as they all work together and found out they aren’t friends. But there were multiple times he used the excuse and neither of us were with him
-I noticed another one of his female coworkers, Ashley(48f) looking at my social medias (Tik tok gave me the “this person viewed your profile” notification) while he and I were back together.
We both posted on the “are we dating the same guy” pages about him and someone commented “I know him personally” but didn’t say anything else but Ashley is in the group so I’m guessing it was her.
Fast forward to today. He messaged me from a texting app (he’s done it before) and I unblocked his number to continue talking. I wanted proof it was really him in case I needed to get a restraining order. He was drunk at 10am and immediately got mad at me. He blamed all his issues on me. He threatened to send my family my texts and photos if I stopped talking to him. During this conversation he slipped up a few times with comments like “Are you gonna tell Ashley that I’m cheating on her too?” And “it’s fine I’ll just go f*ck Ashley”. He followed it up immediately by saying she was just a friend but I don’t believe it.
I’m worried if I reach out to her he is going to follow through on his threats to send my photos and texts to my family and who knows what else he would do. I can get a restraining order(and plan to), but I can’t make my entire family get one and I don’t know what he is capable of at this point. Katie offered to message her but I know he would know it’s because of me. I also kind of think Ashley knows. There’s a really good chance she saw the post and she has looked at my social media so clearly she knows about me. Ex, Katie, and Ashley all work together and I know from Katie how fast word spreads there so she probably has heard about him at work too.
I am a girls girl through and through and want to make sure she knows about him, but I’m scared of his retaliation. Am I a bad person if I don’t message her?
Sorry this was so long, it just had a lot of necessary backstory
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I know the title makes me sound bad for debating it and in most circumstances I wouldn’t even be questioning it, she’d already have a DM.
Names are all fake for privacy.
I(26f) broke up with my ex(26m) at the end of January. He was drinking pretty heavily, was being financially irresponsible so I had to pick up the slack, and was treating me poorly.
About a month later we started texting again and that led to us deciding to work things out. By this point I was living at my parents, he got kicked out of his dad’s house, and it was the messiest breakup. But we still loved each other. He said he was getting sober and was getting his life together. We bickered about little things here and there but for the most part things were good.
About a month ago I got a call from him in the middle of the night. He was clearly drunk and all he said was “I am freaking out, Katie thinks I am cheating on her”. Katie(28f) is not my name so I immediately checked his insta followers and found the only Katie and DM’d her. She’d been seeing him since a week before we got back together. She blocked him everywhere immediately, I messaged him and went off on him. He was so wasted he didn’t even remember calling me and thought I had somehow found out another way.
We compared notes and noticed a few things:
-There were things at his place we assumed belonged to the other person but they actually belonged to neither of us
-When he was with one of us and didn’t want the other to know he’d say he was with a certain friend, but Katie knows this friend as they all work together and found out they aren’t friends. But there were multiple times he used the excuse and neither of us were with him
-I noticed another one of his female coworkers, Ashley(48f) looking at my social medias (Tik tok gave me the “this person viewed your profile” notification) while he and I were back together.
We both posted on the “are we dating the same guy” pages about him and someone commented “I know him personally” but didn’t say anything else but Ashley is in the group so I’m guessing it was her.
Fast forward to today. He messaged me from a texting app (he’s done it before) and I unblocked his number to continue talking. I wanted proof it was really him in case I needed to get a restraining order. He was drunk at 10am and immediately got mad at me. He blamed all his issues on me. He threatened to send my family my texts and photos if I stopped talking to him. During this conversation he slipped up a few times with comments like “Are you gonna tell Ashley that I’m cheating on her too?” And “it’s fine I’ll just go f*ck Ashley”. He followed it up immediately by saying she was just a friend but I don’t believe it.
I’m worried if I reach out to her he is going to follow through on his threats to send my photos and texts to my family and who knows what else he would do. I can get a restraining order(and plan to), but I can’t make my entire family get one and I don’t know what he is capable of at this point. Katie offered to message her but I know he would know it’s because of me. I also kind of think Ashley knows. There’s a really good chance she saw the post and she has looked at my social media so clearly she knows about me. Ex, Katie, and Ashley all work together and I know from Katie how fast word spreads there so she probably has heard about him at work too.
I am a girls girl through and through and want to make sure she knows about him, but I’m scared of his retaliation. Am I a bad person if I don’t message her?
Sorry this was so long, it just had a lot of necessary backstory
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If Katie already knows, let her be the one to message Ashley. You did your part. And Men like him thrive in secrecy. Once the group chat has receipts, he can’t spin sh*t.
don’t get involved. she’s aware of you, she wouldn’t be on your social media if she didn’t know who you were to him. how else would she know your name? it’s not worth it imo.
im not sure by pictures if you’re referring to explicit pics, if so i would look into your country/state/province etc. laws, revenge porn is a thing.
The first thing you need to do is speak to your family. Ideally, they should all block his number. It will take away his power. You should also speak to the cops. Sharing intimate photos without consent is a crime in Canada, maybe it is where you are too.
Once you spoke with your family, then spill the tea to Ashley. What she does with it is on her, after that.
Take care… 🥰
Get a restraining order.