So for some background info, my (15M) dad (33M) is technically a single father. My parents had me very young and my mom didn’t want kids so she gave full custody to my dad. I never judged her for her decision at all, i have a lot of respect for her wanting to live the life she wants.
When i say my dad is technically a single dad im referring to his best friend (32M)(we will call him Joy) who ive known since i was like 4 or 5 years old. They have been (unknowingly) coparenting me for a little over 10 years. i say unknowingly because both of them are convinced its just “friends helping eachother out” smh. theyre literally the only ones who dont see it.
so anyways, here where ill probably end up being the asshole.
i have a classmate whos mom is kind of obsessed with my dad, we will call her debrah. debrah is a single mom as well, im not close with her daughter but i know her dad is absent. my dad works a blue collar job and is pretty buff, its really cool. hes super handy and has helped fix stuff up around the school, debrah is always pointing out to the other mothers how good of a husband he would be.
Joy and my dad has been apart of the PTA for almost 3 years now, im autistic and they like to make sure any events the school hosts are autism friendly wich is cool iguess. debrah is also on the PTA and from the stories Joy has told me shes really into my dad and will always flirt with him at the meetings.
now the thing is, im pretty sure my dad and his best friend is in love with eachother. joy is pan and my dad is definitely not straight. their relationship is beyond what any typical platonic male friendship is and theyve been unknowingly dating for years.
debrah keeps trying to set up playdates for me and her daughter despite us being like, teenagers and able to do it for ourselves if we wnated to (wich i dont, shes kinda annoying). shes always insisting on waiting with me after school when my dad picks me up and always gets super dissapointed when its Joy picking me up instead of him.
lately she has started asking me specefically if my dad is single, what kind of girls he likes where he goes on dates and its honeslty jus super annoying. i want to tell her hes already dating his best friend but hes technically not.
not matter what i want her to back off. i already have two parents and i dont need her annoying ass squeezing into my family.
i talked with my therapist about telling her outright to back off and that she cant date my dad but my therapist said it would be super rude.
so i come to reddit, will i be the asshole if i tell her she cant date my dad?
TLDR:
my classmates mom keeps thirsting after my dad whos unknowingly in a long term relationship with his best friend (my other parental figure) and wont back off.
will i be the asshole if i tell her she cant date my dad?
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So for some background info, my (15M) dad (33M) is technically a single father. My parents had me very young and my mom didn’t want kids so she gave full custody to my dad. I never judged her for her decision at all, i have a lot of respect for her wanting to live the life she wants.
When i say my dad is technically a single dad im referring to his best friend (32M)(we will call him Joy) who ive known since i was like 4 or 5 years old. They have been (unknowingly) coparenting me for a little over 10 years. i say unknowingly because both of them are convinced its just “friends helping eachother out” smh. theyre literally the only ones who dont see it.
so anyways, here where ill probably end up being the asshole.
i have a classmate whos mom is kind of obsessed with my dad, we will call her debrah. debrah is a single mom as well, im not close with her daughter but i know her dad is absent. my dad works a blue collar job and is pretty buff, its really cool. hes super handy and has helped fix stuff up around the school, debrah is always pointing out to the other mothers how good of a husband he would be.
Joy and my dad has been apart of the PTA for almost 3 years now, im autistic and they like to make sure any events the school hosts are autism friendly wich is cool iguess. debrah is also on the PTA and from the stories Joy has told me shes really into my dad and will always flirt with him at the meetings.
now the thing is, im pretty sure my dad and his best friend is in love with eachother. joy is pan and my dad is definitely not straight. their relationship is beyond what any typical platonic male friendship is and theyve been unknowingly dating for years.
debrah keeps trying to set up playdates for me and her daughter despite us being like, teenagers and able to do it for ourselves if we wnated to (wich i dont, shes kinda annoying). shes always insisting on waiting with me after school when my dad picks me up and always gets super dissapointed when its Joy picking me up instead of him.
lately she has started asking me specefically if my dad is single, what kind of girls he likes where he goes on dates and its honeslty jus super annoying. i want to tell her hes already dating his best friend but hes technically not.
not matter what i want her to back off. i already have two parents and i dont need her annoying ass squeezing into my family.
i talked with my therapist about telling her outright to back off and that she cant date my dad but my therapist said it would be super rude.
so i come to reddit, will i be the asshole if i tell her she cant date my dad?
TLDR:
my classmates mom keeps thirsting after my dad whos unknowingly in a long term relationship with his best friend (my other parental figure) and wont back off.
will i be the asshole if i tell her she cant date my dad?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> the action i want to take is telling my classmates mom she cant date my dad, it might make me an asshole as its supposedly really rude. my therapist said it wouldnt be up to me who my dad dates or not but i dont want this woman in my family, thats why i want to tell her she cant date my dad
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
As hard as it is YWBTA
Your dad is the one in charge of his love life, so let him handle it how he wants to, he deserves a chance to figure it out for himself and be happy.
YWBTA – just don’t. You said it yourself, your dad “is definitely not straight,” why do you need to tell a woman not to date him? He’s not going to be interested.
He’s your dad. He can take care of himself. It sounds like he’s happy, and he’s used to Debrah (does she really spell it this way?) and her flirting. He’s not interested. Move on to better things to focus on in your life than this. It’s just not worth it.
YWBTA. Your dad is grown and should handle this himself. This isn’t your business.
YWBTA – this is between your dad and the classmate’s mom.
You should not talk with her. You can bring your concerns to your dad and let him handle it.
I would tell her you’re 15 you’re not interested in a play date
YWTAH if you tell her that. Here are other things you can tell her: 1) she is making you uncomfortable, these are topics you don´t want to discuss with her 2) You don´t need her arranging “playdates” with her daughter 3) If she has any personal questions related to your dad, she should ask him directly.
I recommend you chat with your dad about her behavior. She is being wildly inappropriate but putting you in the middle of all of this.
ESH. You would be the AH if you got involved in this way and didn’t just let your dad sort out his own love life. But she’s definitely also the AH for asking you about your dad’s love life. That’s incredibly inappropriate.
This one seems like the most made up one I’ve vet read. The pan best friend “Joy”, the not straight dad, the couple that never was and the autistic kid
Hello tumblr
YTA, let your dad take care of himself.
Yta for writing such utter trash, make it slightly believable at least. Fml, these fictional stories are getting shitter n shitter
Why don’t you tell your day to just date Joy already?
YWBTAH. Shipping people is weird, more so when the people are real, and especially so when it’s your dad and his best friend.
YWBTA – your dad is an adult. He can say yes or no to Debrah, he doesn’t need you to do it. Plus, you really don’t need the pressure of trying to control everything. Leave the adults to themselves.
YWBTA – you have already been told
You need to tell your dad that Deborah is approaching you and asking about his dating life. And you feel that she is setting up these “playdates” to try and date him.
You shouldn’t be involved in any of this and it just shows how Deborah isn’t a mature adult
Nta.
Autistic people can sometimes be very straightforward, and think that allistics are doing stuff because they’re too dumb to notice the truth of a situation. In this case, you think that telling Debrah that your dad is semi dating his friend would set her straight, she’d take in that data and adjust her behaviour to suit polite social norms.
This is not always correct.
You don’t know why your dad is handling it the way he is. He may be picking up on social cues that you are missing. She’s apparently been flirting with him for a while. She talks about him, she tries to set up play dates. She’s not reading the room or she is and is ignoring it in an effort to set her own narrative and thinks others good manners will excuse her lack thereof.
Someone who’s just oblivious might need a gentle reminder, they’d be slightly embarrassed but back off.
Someone who’s trying to force relationships, not taking hints, and is very obviously intent on hitting on someone isn’t a person that catches on quick and could take rejection poorly. She might take it as a personal insult or a competition. She might be bigotted, and out your dad and friend, socially harass them, spread rumors, try to get them removed from the pta, ostracize them from the community.
Your dad might be polite to her not because he’s too dim to notice her interest, but because acknowledging it leads to having to discuss and accept/reject it. Depending on her reaction, he might be worried about it causing trouble for you or just making things awkward. Adults will often pretend we don’t notice some comments or behaviors because confronting them can lead to worse problems. When you’re an adult, you don’t always have someone coaching you on behaviour when you mess up, you just get the consequences of people not wanting to be around you, which can them lead to being more desperate or forceful about finding new people. But when you have to work or interact with others all the time, you learn to be discreet about your feelings regarding their behavior, because it’s easier to have shallow small talk and leave than have an in depth conversation about ideals and social protocols.
Your dad and his friend are adults. They may be platonic, romantic, oblivious to their own feelings, dating for years and trying to keep you out of their private problems, etc. Being discreet, however, is often a very good idea. You can’t take back what’s been said, and sometimes keeping things to yourself can stop a lot of problems in the long run. You can’t make their choices for them, and you should not out them to the public, especially without their consent.
As for dealing with this woman, you can tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable. You can say that you don’t appreciate her constantly commenting on your father and his body and that you don’t require adults to choose your friends or make playdates as a teen.
And it might be time to have a sit-down chat with your dad about all this. He might not realize that you’re growing up and have noticed his and his friend’s closeness. He might not realize that you’ve noticed this woman’s pushiness and that it’s causing you distress. Communication will help you two iron out what’s actually going on, what each other’s strategies have been so far, and what the collective battle plan is going forward.
Nah, you wouldn’t be an AH, but it’s best if you just let the adults handle this
Your father is old enough to deal with a thirsty mom
If I were you, I would tell her that the comments make you feel a bit uncomfortable
That will, hopefully, end this… Unless she’s a total AH
NTA what’s rude is any parent trying to pull a child into adult things.
Talk with both of your parents ( Joy and your dad) and explain how annoying she is and that you don’t like her, her daughter nor that she is bugging you for information.
You could also slide in how you like your family as is with the 3 of you. You can also talk with your dad one on one and tell him it’s ok if he dates Joy opening as you love Joy. Sometimes people need to ok to go there as he might think you wouldn’t approve
YWBTA. Your dad’s relationships are for him to figure out. Not you.
Yikes. Tell an adult to direct adult questions to your father.
Stay out of adult business.
If your father IS gay, so far I’ve seen no evidence of it other than you saying you “see it” because his best friend is helping raise you, then he won’t be interested in.
Also, don’t make assumptions about people’s sexuality. It’s not nice.
Yep you would. Above all else it’s up to your dad if, when and who he dates. He’s perfectly capable of telling her to back off if he’s not interested.
Sorry, but YTA. Your dad is a grown man who can take care of this situation.
However, next time debrah asks if he’s single, just tell her those questions make you uncomfortable.
YWBTA
Your dad gets to date who he wants, and to say no to whoever he wants. You don’t get to pick, you only get to approve or disapprove.
If your dad and his mate wanted to smash, they probably would have by now. I think you might be projecting that part.
It’s not up to you who your dad dates. Dating in your 30s is hard enough, dating with kids can be even harder. I don’t think it’d be fair, at all, for you to interfere and prevent him from having fun and/or falling in love.
At the same time, you don’t have to accept the “play dates,” you’re right, you are old enough for that to be weird. But also understand she’s just trying to see your dad in a private setting. For all you know, they might hate each other outside of a PTA meeting or whatever.
Anyways, yes, YWBTA. Don’t interfere, its selfish
Just tell her that she is making you very uncomfortable and to leave you alone.
YTA, you don’t get to unilaterally decide the nature of your dad’s relationships, just because your dad has a close best friend doesn’t mean you get to decide that’s the only “relationship” he’s allowed to have
I feel like that’s his choice, not yours. What if he’s in the closet and you are outing him or something. Ywbta
I think you should let your father make his own decisions man. If shes badgering YOU about it then you could ask her to stop because its making you uncomfy, but otherwise youre just shipping two real life people without knowing their thoughts or feelings and ACTING on that ship.
The only person who can ask her to back off is your dad. I think your best option is to have a conversation with just your dad. Tell him that there’s a mom who is interested in him and how it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe even tell him how you see his best friend and him.
Asking a 15 year old questions about her Dad is wrong. Talk to your Dad and let him know how uncle she makes you, tell him what she says to you, the questions and all. Your Dad should be aware of how uncomfortable she makes you.