I struggle with the idea of how I’m supposed to keep a girl i like happy as often as possible, even when you don’t talk today. Is it even possible to make every conversation feel light-hearted, fun and enjoyable? Is it possible to ensure that every activity you do together makes you feel closer? How am I supposed to deal with this fear of disappointing her by making a joke that wasn’t funny or not having the right words to say to keep a good conversation going? How am I even supposed to have interesting things to talk about without constantly repeating the same topics which i do all the time.
Young Man Here. How do you deal with the fear of disappointing a love interest and being unable to keep her happy?
r/AskMen
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/Grand_Spring_3875’s post (if available):
I struggle with the idea of how I’m supposed to keep a girl i like happy as often as possible, even when you don’t talk today. Is it even possible to make every conversation feel light-hearted, fun and enjoyable? Is it possible to ensure that every activity you do together makes you feel closer? How am I supposed to deal with this fear of disappointing her by making a joke that wasn’t funny or not having the right words to say to keep a good conversation going? How am I even supposed to have interesting things to talk about without constantly repeating the same topics which i do all the time.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If her happiness is 100% dependent on you, this is not the kind of woman you want. I am telling you now, if some girl can’t be happy on their own or for themselves, that’s a problem on her end. Not yours.
tl;dr, you’re picking the wrong girl. But alas, this will be ignored and you’ll find out the hard way.
You can’t keep her happy -all- the time. Once you realize that then you can let go of the fear of disappointing her and just be in the moment. Just do your level best to listen more than you speak, and to be kind.
you have to determine your own self-worth.
be confident, not that you will always be perfect, but that you will be fine if she leaves.
So do you expect her to do the same? That she always has to entertain you, make her worthy to be with you? Relationships aren’t like that. Neither party is there to entertain the other. If you’re a match, you’ll naturally make each other feel better without this constant need to put on a show.
You won’t be compatible and happy with everyone you date. That’s normal. You can’t force it.
If she likes you as much as you like her then she’ll be just as concerned about making you happy are you are her. If it’s one sided then she’s not worth your time and effort.
You internalise it until you’re a seething mass of neuroses, and barely functioning, until she inevitably dumps you and moves on to someone more confident. You know, like the rest of us.
You don’t worry about it and move on. Sorry to say, it is impossible to keep everyone happy and you are the only person who’s happiness you should guarantee. It can suck to disappoint a love interest but ask yourself this: Would you be okay with walking on eggshells constantly, worrying if you do or say something she will walk away… Or worry about your own happiness?
Do your best and if your best isn’t enough, you may have to reevaluate the relationship.
You cannot make a person happy. Happiness only comes within oneself.
In your situation don’t overthink it. Have fun and be yourself.
In your childhood – If love, praise, attention was given only when you did things right, you might have internalised that “you are lovable only if you please others”.
Or maybe you were made to felt like, it was your job to keep others happy e.g your parent saying
So you feel, if she’s unhappy it’s your fault
You have to reparent yourself “You don’t have to perform to be worthy of love”
Built up a roster
It’s not your job to make anyone happy but yourself. Male or female. You cannot do it anyway. It is impossible. We are all responsible for our own happiness and for the consequences of our own choices. Nobody else. If you ever enter a relationship thinking its your responsibility you will be miserable and your soul will slowly die.
Unfortunately we live in a time where from my own experience it is the expectation of women that the man in the relationship is supposed to make her happy. “Happy wife, happy life.” It’s bullshit. You cant make her happy. Ever. No one can.
You must both be complete and happy people yourself before you ever enter into a relationship then find that person that complements you.
People that expect others to make them happy or for happiness in general to come from an external source will be miserable forever and miserable to be around.