I for one, never understood ‘fine china’. Maybe it’s just a thing for older generations. My mother is adamant about giving me all this china and I not only don’t want it, I don’t have the room for it.
I have no attachment to it, nor does it remind me of my mother. Or my grandmother. Because no one ever used it! I’ve barely even seen it before!
I love her and I’m very close with my family but like….what am I supposed to do? If it’s all glazed in lead with paints that are now illegal from being so toxic, none of it can go in the dishwasher, it’s miserable to eat off of or drink out of (even aside from poison) like….is it just a yesteryears weird encapsulation of ‘expensive thing’? It’s ugly and clunky and I don’t care about its monetary trophy value.
edit: thank you everyone for sharing your experience and suggestions. It is really appreciated for something that seems hard to face for me (as silly as it sounds) but generational differences between women is vast and sometimes difficult to navigate.
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When I inherit my set from my parents I’m planning on using it daily until I can’t use it anymore. I barely even know what it looks like and I think we only used it at Thanksgiving once.
Although if it’s coated with lead based pigments I’ll have to do more research because that sounds unsafe.
I had the dubious honour of receiving all of my grandmother’s china. After packing it up and moving it with every house move over ten years, it ended up under the stairs in the moving boxes at our last place. So I sold it. I figured there are collectors out there who would appreciate it far more than I would. And I was right. There was a time when good china was an heirloom that got passed down. That time has passed.
Tell her you have no use for it but you can list it on facebook market place for her.
If she bequeaths it to you after her passing you don’t actually have to accept the bequest. You can tell the executor (if that’s not you) you don’t want it and to offer it to other family or dispose of it along with other personal possessions that are being donated or disposed of.
We had some china from my dad’s family taking up space in my cabinet. I gave it to a friend who bought a house and needed plates. Win-win.
I do have a set of 4 of my grandfather’s nice whiskey glasses that I use regularly. My uncles are afraid to use them (if you broke one of dad’s glasses you’d be in a mountain of trouble) but I don’t understand the point of having them if you’re not going to use them. Plus they fit a 12oz can of beer perfectly. So satisfying.
You put it in your attic and ignore it.
I’m planning to break 2/3 of mine and make a mosaic in grouting on top of my kitchen island. This way I still have a 4 top left and a unique craft project.
Different strokes for different folks. I inherited a beautiful set of Minton from my uncle and I use it all the time. When I throw a dinner party, with the china and the crystal and the actual silver flatware, it looks like something out of a movie set. Everyone oohs and ahhs. It’s really cool. No, he never enjoyed it but my friends and I are enjoying the hell out of it. ¯(ツ)/¯.
If there’s nobody else that would want it I’d sell it when it comes down to it. You could gently suggest someone else inherit it if that’s an option, otherwise I recommend just inheriting it (maybe do some research in advance how much you could sell it for lol) and then turning it into money and then buying something that “lasts a lifetime” from that instead.
Personally inheriting my grandma’s china was a big goal for me, I immediately made it known that I’d like it once my grandparents got ready to go to a care facility because I didn’t want that aspect of my childhood to go away. It’s not worth grand money, but it’s from around the 60s and the set only came out during holidays. Keeping that tradition, I finally used it with my husband on Christmas and it was comforting and magical. But if I didn’t care for it, it 100% would have just been clutter. Something like that is just unnecessary weight and burden as it doesn’t only use physical space, it also can occupy mental and emotional space, even if you don’t think on it actively.
There are some patterns that are collectible and that you could sell. Those are rare and were quite expensive during their time but it is worth checking. But other than that, donate it.
I have three sets. One was my paternal grandmother’s. It’s not at all my style, but it does remind me of her so I haven’t been able to throw it out (plus it would hurt my dad’s feelings). The second is mine. My first husband’s family was bougie and insisted that we register for fine china, silver, and stemware. I actually love it, and use it if I’m having a nice dinner with <=8 people. But, it’s not dishwasher safe so nobody’s got time for that. Luckily, it was the most popular pattern for like 10 years running so I could always sell it to that replacement china company if I decide to get rid of it. The third set is from my maternal grandparents. I’m 90% sure that they got it as a free gift for buying an air conditioner in the 60s. I’ve added to it over the years because I run into it at thrift stores fairly frequently. I think I have 20-ish place settings for it, so I use it for Thanksgiving when I have the whole family. Most of my china and stemware lives in a cool vintage sideboard in the dining room, so it’s kind of out of the way.
Good will works just fine
Since the set I inherited is likely full of lead, I’m going to throw it in the trash instead of donate it. If I won’t eat off it, I sure don’t feel okay about passing the poison off to someone else (and not everyone is aware of the issue).
Go the gaslight route.
Sell the china that’s handed down and use the money to buy another set that doesn’t have lead based paint etc etc etc. Maybe you could even find a half set so it’s easier to put away in between uses.
Don’t say a word unless your mother questions you then gaslight the hell out of her. (ProTip✨ I got busted by a family member who saw my Facebook Marketplace trying to sell inherited trinkets. Sell somewhere else so you can be anonymous).
I have a ton of vintage/antiques that I picked out myself! I inherited an ugly mirror tray. Sold that one and bought one I liked. Etc etc etc
I inherited three partial sets and I love them. I use them on special occasions and keep a few pieces out to display.
It’s very sellable, if you don’t want it. There are three china shops in my city that buy old china, for example.
Tactfully? Explain that it doesnt fit your lifestyle and you are okay with mum giving it to someone who’ll appreciate it.
Oy, this is such a boomer thing. My MIL gave us her service for 12 when they downsized, including all kinds of accessories like teapot, coffee pot, etc. It’s taking up the entire closet in my husband’s office plus some shelves in the garage. We’ve made noises about giving it to another daughter in law in the family because we absolutely won’t use it. It has metallic painting on the rims, which means no microwaving any of it, and we’re already perfectly happy with our basic Corelle set.
Had a great aunt pass, who had a bunch of China and glassware from like, WW1. Her kids donated it to goodwill or similar. They all live in apartments and don’t have room for things like that.
It was really sad.
Just accept it gracefully. Your mother is trying to do something nice. She’s sacrificed a great deal more for you. Just take it and way thank you very much. I greatly doubt it is toxic for the record. Use it for special occasions with her to make her happy. It won’t kill you to wash a dish or two once a year.
Since this kind of dish ware was popular with an older generation, I’ve seen it suggested that you donate it to a nursing home or senior care facility. Older people, specially women, would probably enjoy eating off what they remember as very special things
I gave my nephew the corner cabinet my father built, along with my mother’s china and her “fancy” glassware. I’d had them for 21 years. Please try to find someone else in the family who’s interested in taking them next.
Fine china was strictly a status symbol, owned by the same people who put dust covers on their living room furniture and forbade anyone to sit on them. I think the Boomer generation pretty much abandoned the idea, my fanciest dishes are a matching set of Corelle.
I come from a big crazy Italian family. Not only did I inherit my mother’s china but my grandmother’s china AND I was forced into china when I got married…that is 3 freaking sets!!!!!
I plan on trying to sell it all.
I’ve inherited a ton of silver and china as well. The truth is its basically worthless because most people now days don’t want or have room for formal dining stuff. I keep one set of silver which I actually do use for special meals. I’ve tried to sell some stuff on ebay. A few things sold but profit after shipping (which is expensive) was only a few dollars at best (like literally under $10).
There’s really not much to do with it except toss it.
You say thank you and otherwise stay silent.
“Inheriting” means you’ll get it after she dies.
At that point, she won’t have an opinion left to give you about it.
So take the china and donate it to someone who’ll appreciate it. Or take it to a thrift store. Or throw it in the trash.
Keep one small piece if you want something to remember her by.
Then move on with your life, uncluttered by the baggage of the past.
If a family member is rude enough to ask you where the dinnerset is? Let them know that you were moving it in a box and dropped it – shattering most of it and chipping the rest. You were heartbroken by it. Do NOT tell anyone the truth about what you did.
I’ve been very upfront with my father about his enormous collection of expensive ceramic things.
He should keep them if they make him happy while he’s alive. But if he leaves them to me after he dies? They’re all going to be donated/sold/trashed.
I think he was a little offended at first. But then i asked him “if i died tomorrow, would you want my massive collection of video games?”
No. He did not.
It seems like your mother is still alive and you haven’t inherited yet. I would keep quiet about it until she passes then reevaluate what you want to do.
You may find that you do want to keep a couple pieces.
You may find that there’s another relative who does want it.
The stuff that I wanted in my twenties is very different to them. The stuff I would want in my forties etc.
I had an aunt aunt who was a librarian and at her funeral we put a selection of books out with a special memorial name played so that people could take some books to remember her buy if they wanted.
You could possibly do something like that with the China and have several relatives each take one cup.
YES, Ok, yes many American households had certain things such as china in a china cabinet. The cabinet that is part of the dining room furniture set, which went in a room called a dining room. All of these have gone the way of the Dodo bird.
What you do in your case is graciously accept the gift and give it a quality storage location until you can find a relative who would love it. Or a new owner perhaps someday.
If you have other siblings, offer it to them. Just say ‘I appreciate the gesture mom, but I think I would prefer something more personal to you if you want it to be something that I remember you by.
Put a couple plates out on display somewhere, store the rest in a box, and sell them when she dies.
A friend of mine has some china they inherited that they don’t care about at all. We belong to a group that goes camping often in groups and we bring it for that. We feel so fancy and if it gets ruined or broken he doesn’t care because it’s just dishes.
Large amounts of fancy ‘for best’ china and crockery are definitely a generational thing – possibly there’s a link to it being one of the few things a woman could claim as ‘hers’ and pass down – like jewelry. However, most of us don’t have the space to store it or the inclination to use it.
If you want it as a reminder or a keepsake, get a single place or saucer or something framed. Otherwise you might be best donating it – with warnings about lead or toxic glaze. Since they were widely produced and rarely used, the market is fairly flooded with them so they’re not worth much.
You could have this conversation with you mother and convince her to donate them now, or just wait and dispose of them as you see fit, just like you might a big colleciton of old clothes or paperback books – someone might get more joy out of them later, and you might keep a couple of favourites but otherwise, who has space?
It’s up to you and your relationship if you tell her, or just accept it’s a problem to discreetly solve later on.
My mother was a hoarder and she was obsessed with china and cutlery and ornate serving pieces. As soon as she started making noises about handing all of it down I told her in no uncertain terms that if she tried to give any of them to me I would break them and throw the remains in the trash. This was a bluff, I would have given them away but she didn’t know that. Instead, she found other family members and let them pick what they liked and were meaningful to them. After she passed everyone got the things that they wanted and I gave the rest away to people who would use/enjoy them. I was never going to be that person.
I’m also going to inherit a China collection and I’m just gonna sell it (my mother even knows this)
My feelings about these things have changed a lot in the last 5 or 6 years, after attending close to a dozen funerals of loved ones during that time span.
I used to be much more interested in a very “minimalist” style, open concept layouts, etc.
But now, I look forward to being home in close proximity to the things I have from the people I love who have died. I bought shelving and inherited some (high quality) antique furniture to display things. I make space in my house so the things that make me feel connected to them or our shared family history can be part of my home, instead of in storage. I still curate; I don’t want things to be without places. But even the items that aren’t my “aesthetic” feel special to me because they were important to people who were important to me.
Of course this doesn’t mean that everyone has some moral obligation to rehome every piece of their loved ones junk. But if it was a family member I loved, I would try to curate their items in a way that made me happy. For example, I kept a set of tea cups and saucers from each of my grandmothers MANY sets, and bought display hooks for them, and they live above my coffee bar in my kitchen. My nanas antique cabinet is fitted with UV lights to display uranium glass. It feels like living in a little museum and that feels nice to me. Maybe there is a way the china can feel nice to you
My parents have tried to push their china on me and I don’t want it for the same reasons as you. I just tell them “thank you for thinking of me but no. I don’t have a use or space for it. How about donating it to a thrift store or offering it on a Buy Nothing group?”
I’d just say “mom I love you and your china is beautiful but I can’t take it. It’s just not for me. It doesn’t fit my life and I don’t want it. Please give it to someone who is really excited to have it.”
It IS tactful to be honest and direct with people. You can soften it by complimenting them on it (it’s beautiful), demonstrating you care about them (i love you) and acknowledging that it’s important to them (suggesting it’s given to someone who really wants it indicates that). Honestly if she is going to get really upset about you declining a physical object, then this really isn’t about tact, it’s about someone putting too much attachment to an object and that isn’t something you can diffuse with all the tact in the world. It’s not your job as a daughter to prevent your mom from having uncomfortable feelings. It’s ok if she’s disappointed that you don’t want it. You are not obligated to make her happy with everything you say and do and you get to have your own wants and needs in your own life and that includes not taking on the physical objects others have projected importance on if they don’t have the same importance for you.
Just be honest and kind about it, that’s all. What’s the worst that happens from that?
I have a full service for 12 set of Noritake in the original boxes. It’s only two boxes plus a coffee pot. Yes, it is hand-wash and you can’t microwave it. I picked it up when I was stationed in Japan in the 80s. I thought I was going to get married, have kids, and use it for big holiday dinners.
The kids thing didn’t work out though. Ah well. I got to use the set a couple times with my extended family. Paid $548 back when similar sets were going for over $2K, so not too crazy.
Mom used her china daily, I would, but I have an eclectic collection of vintage glass, Fire King and Japanese porcelain/pottery for my everyday stuff. Actually I wouldn’t, dishwasher and microwave say nope.
I need to find Regency cosplayers who like to do fancy dress up functions. Teaparty!
The sivler is sterling. Don’t pass up silver, it’s spot price is up.
If you don’t care about the money, then just donate it (with a note included in the box to let the donatees know about the lead). If your mom asks, the box was “accidentally dropped and everything in it broken”.
If you want to make a buck, ebay it or offer it on craiglist or something similar, then use the same “dropped” excuse to your mom.
And all the commenters here going on about how much they love their parents’ china and shaming you by implication for not wanting that stuff? Ignore them. You are under no obligation to accept anything from anybody, period. You don’t want it. Just like “no”, “I don’t want it” is a complete sentence.
I literally just dropped a rubbermaid bin of my grandmother’s fine china off at goodwill this weekend. It had been packaged up and given to my mother when my grandmother died over a decade ago. I ended up with it when my mother passed 3 years ago. I figured if neither my mother nor I bothered to use it once since my grandmother’s death, there was zero chance it was ever getting used, and I don’t care to keep it or store it any longer. I hope someone who will love it and use it finds it at the thrift shop. I am happy to be rid of it.
If there’s a community theater in your area, ask if they would like it. If they do a play with dinner party scenes they might like it for a set piece.
We used ours every Sunday, and holidays. I now have it, and use it at Christmas and Thanksgiving – except when my adult daughter hosts.
I completely understand not wanting it, especially if it has lead (?!?!?). Times change.
I eat off of my grandparents’ & my parents’ wedding china every day. It all seems to be dishwasher safe.
I had some China plates that were garage-sale finds – used them to serve cat food. (Smaller dessert plates) My cats loved them – each had her favorite plate and we used them until they got too chipped to use.
Give joy to someone who will really enjoy it. List it on Marketplace, Kijiji or Karrot/Poshmark (or whatever might work best for your locale) so someone who LOVES the set can snap it up and use it every day in their own home.
If you don’t care about money or don’t want to take the time, donate to a local non profit thrift shop. Same idea, less work for you.
I LOVE china and I use it every day. I also have fancy gold utensils for my every day. Makes me happy to be surrounded by beauty. Different strokes!
Replacements is a giant clearinghouse for china. They stock thousands of discontinued patterns and they also buy pieces.
https://www.replacements.com/
I made a bunch selling family china to Replacements 20+ years ago. I’ll bet these days it’s harder to do because there’s a way smaller market for fine china, but maybe it’s worth seeing if they’d be interested in your pattern.
My mom offered me a ring set from my great grandmother. I don’t wear rings. I wasn’t interested in the cost of turning it into jewelry I would wear. I politely declined it. She then said, “ok I’ll save it for my daughter’s name.”
I’m a little pissed she’s doing that to my kid. I am not sure what do to or if there is anything to be done. I think she took it from my grand mother’s collection thinking I would want something from grandma now that she’s gone but it’s hard when there’s nothing I want or need from her. I’m just not sentimental this way at all.
She said she would get it appraised. Maybe when that happens we can find a buyer and spend that money on making a different memory together. That is what I would do with this china if I were you. Sell it to someone who would appreciate it and donate those proceeds or invest them in someway to benefit the family memory. Even if it ends up being a small sum there’s good to be had somewhere.
Offer it up to everyone in the family. Just show that you’ve made an effort to find somebody who would enjoy having the China. If no one in the family is interested then consider giving you to friends or donating it. It’s probably worth having tested for lead so you can dispose of it properly.
My grandma’s china is in a box on the floor of my “scary closet,” so I feel you! Eventually I will take it to Goodwill.
Find a cabinet to shove it all into and forget about it?
Here’s the thing: at the end of the day, your mother wants that china to be cherished after she’s gone. So all you have to do is find someone who will cherish it. Even if that person isn’t you.
You know what website I love?
https://www.replacements.com/
They help people in your predicament every day. All you have to do it go to this website:
https://www.replacements.com/sell?rid=form_request_6847289ad66cf1.07987453
You’ll fill out a form with everything you know – you don’t even need to know the name of the pattern, just have a clear picture of it. They’ll help you sell it.
Could I suggest finding a rock tumbling community and offering it up there? Rock tumblers in-the-know will break up china and use it to tumble their rocks. I bet you’d make someone’s day!
I sold the China I inherited on Etsy. It was pretty collectible. Not all of them are though. Look your pattern up and see what the comps are. It’s your property to keep, sell, donate, or break with a hammer.
Take it and then quietly sell it or give it away. If they ask about it just say you have it packed away and it isn’t easily accessible, that you don’t want it getting broken.
Just say “thank you” and sell it after she’s dies. You don’t need to make it a big deal.
My grandmother has at least a dozen different sets of china she keeps trying to give to my sister and I. I’m polite but firm, “I appreciate you thinking of me but I won’t be able to use this and I don’t want it going to waste.”
Sell it. If you want to be extra maybe keep a plate to display? Some fine China is worth a lot
When I was a kid the fine china came out on the Sabbath, on holidays, when company was coming over. It was beautiful and lovely and a really big deal. The year me and my little sister made Thanksgiving just the two of us we pulled out the china and crystal and silver and made a really big deal out of it. It was fancy and made the occasion feel special.
I loved that China with the platinum wheat sheaves on it.
When my parents downsized nobody was willing to take the china. We sold it. I have a few assorted crystal bowls that I use for sorting board game pieces when I feel like being fancy.
I regret not keeping one plate, to hang all the memories on. I don’t regret not keeping the whole set — I didn’t have the space or the use for it.
And in your case you don’t even have the memories. If there is nobody in the family it is meaningful to, it’s time to let it go.
Someone donated their late mother’s china to the art department at my community collage and it was incorporated into a mosaic mural . Some else sponsored an art show where students had using the china in their sculpture
We got all of the china from my mom, too. The good thing is that it’s Royal Doulton, of good quality, and beautiful—my grandparents’ wedding gifts—so we just use it. It’s much nicer than stoneware from Target.
I just want to say that I have always enjoyed eating on fine china, every day – just not all from the same set! I get them one at a time from thrift shops and yard sales and no two are alike. I just like the sound they make when bumped by utensils, I like the intentionality and beauty, and the fact that they have history
Also, I feel that just because I’m poor there’s no reason why I can’t have an elegant dining experience.
I told my mom if she doesn’t want to sell it to antique collectors that I’d probably turn it into art & jewelry. But my mom also doesn’t care about the China.
I just want to add my thoughts that you do not have to accept goods from others that you do not want. If it’s inheritance, so, like, you wouldn’t get it unless she passed, then it might be best to not say anything until that time comes.
But on the other hand, it might be a good idea to let her look for other folks to take it. (Edit:) maybe there is a niece or cousin that would love them, and she hasn’t considered them yet!
When we got married, my husband’s family came down to divvy up all of his grandmother’s multiple dish sets. The aunts and uncles all clamored around for what they wanted. They ended up with one “boring”, everyday dish set that no-one wanted. On a whim, the eldest uncle asked me if we could use it. I was hesitant until I saw it: a “boring” but entirely functional stoneware, in a light blue pattern, with these great thistles here and there, hand painted. Nobody wanted them- but they just happened to be absolutely perfect for us, who were starting out, and needed a good, sturdy, everyday set, that was dishwasher safe. We said yes please, and literally all of the aunts n uncles cheered, haha.
I only met his grandma a few times, and by then she had advanced dementia- but I like to think that, from the spirit world, she, of restored mind and clarity, engineered a way to give us a wedding present – that we actually wanted 🙂
So you might just find someone in the family who would love them. But if not? It’s okay, honey- you don’t need to carry objects unnecessarily. Even if you donate the pieces, I am 100% positive that some young couple (or other) will find them and love them 🙂
I hope this helps!
Keep one plate for memories, then donate the rest. My daughter did this with a set she was given by family when MIL passed.
Also mosaics are a fun hobby after you accidentally drop the box.
Do you know for sure that it’s coated in lead paint? It could always go in a “storage unit somewhere”.
I love “practical” decor, like a very nice pitcher that can sit on the mantle and look nice, but in a pinch I can really fancy up the kids’ lemonade for snack time. I’ve mounted my “fancy” baking pans like my nice Bundt pans, so they look like decor but when I’m making a Bundt they come down and get in the mix.
So following this logic, I’d take whatever pretty piece from the set that I’d want to incorporate into my decor and then quietly donate the rest 🙂
You can get lead testing kits for $20 at most big box and hardware stores. It will at least give an idea if there is leachable lead on the plates. Would be at least a nice step to take before deciding where to donate (in case it’s not food safe).
China dishware is definitely an older generation tradition. My parents have a couple sets and very rarely used them growing up. Mainly when having guests for a holiday (so like once a year if that). If anything, I would probably sell my parent’s sets when they are passed down.
I have a nice (newer) set of my own that I use for special occasions such as birthdays, holidays, or just for a nice dinner. I have used it enough that the dinner plates show signs of wear, which is perfectly fine by me. Yes, it’s a bit of a hassle to wash afterward, but I don’t host giant dinner parties, so it’s not that big of a deal to wash 5 to 8 plates. I view using China as equivalent to dressing up for a nice event. It shows the people you are dining with that they are worth the extra effort.
My mom tried to give me her china. I NEVER liked the pattern she picked, so I told her no. She was able to sell it.
I kept one decorative plate to display and sold the rest.
I had four sets. Mom’s, mine, grandma’s and aunts. They are all gone and it all sits in boxes.
I’ve sold one set and will likely get down to only my mom’s set that dad sent home from Germany
It’s hard – no one wants it in the family.
When mine still insisted I accept the china I took it. And then sold it all online, just as I told her I would. Zero regrets. We also sold the china we were forced into putting on our wedding registry. After fifteen years it was still in its shipped in box.
I have a large amount of nice china from my great grandmother’s time. I’m 72, so it’s pretty old. I was talking to my daughters and said “I’ve been reading articles saying ‘Your Kids Don’t Want Your Shit.’” One of them said “Well, I want your shit! Let me know if you want to get rid of anything!” I was kind of glad.