Way too many invitations specify black tie when (if we’re being generous) they mean cocktail, sunday best, or at the very least the fanciest thing you have that still fits you.
I see so many people stressing and asking internet strangers for their opinions only to be lambasted and insulted for not understanding the meaning of black tie. However, by the time they get around to releasing short clips or pics from the event no one is wearing black tie.To top it all off the venues/settings normally don’t even call for anything that fancy.
I swear it’s as if people just heard the term “black tie” and thought it was synonymous with fancy and never really thought to look into it before requesting it of their loved ones. You cannot ask people to wear black tie attire to a barnyard wedding…at most you’re getting someone wearing a particularly fancy sundress that goes past their knees with pastel/white block heels.
Edit: This is not about refusal to adhere to dresscode, but people not understanding the dresscode they are asking for
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Yes, if an invite asks for black tie it should be black tie
I think the core of this is that people aren’t respecting the instructions on the invitiation
Reading threads like these make me feel grateful to live on the west coast. I don’t think I’ve ever received an invite for an event that was black tie. I think most weddings here are “wear your best Patagonia” kind of events.
It’s quite a commonly used term. If you don’t know what it means, you have the whole internet to look it up and not just internet strangers. There’s really no excuse for not knowing.
If the bride and groom want guests to be formally dressed at their barnyard wedding, they have every right to.
I have been to one black tie event in my life, and everyone was in a tux.
I don’t think they would have let us in without one.
It was a charity gala, very fancy.
No, people know what black tie means. People also just decide they’re not doing it.
Can we get rid of skinny pants for men first?
Why should the invitations stop? Shouldn’t the people start following the directions?
If you don’t like the dress code don’t go. It’s not your event. It’s not about you.
Some of these events people dress up like theyre attending Mormon church lol
I know what it means but I’m not doing it, it’s somewhat of a personality flaw of mine (probably) but also of theirs for dictating that I need to go and buy special clothes to be worthy of attending their one event.
When it comes to weddings, the trend for invitations has become to ask for guests to dress a step or two above what you actually want them wearing. Why? Because it keeps people from showing up in jeans and club wear, and that’s not just on the young people going.
There are some people, who if given the opportunity, will wear their regular clothes to fancy events. Maybe they don’t go to events often (my husband). Maybe their idea of “fancy” is wearing their least worn tank top/tshirt and flip flops. Maybe they gave up entirely during 2020 and replaced their entire wardrobe with athleisure. Either way, people in the US dress way more casually than they did 5 years ago.
Brides have noticed this and to get around that, they request black tie now. It gives an air of formality that actually gets people to put some effort into their appearance. I went to a wedding last year that specified cocktail attire and my own in-laws showed up looking like they were going to bottomless brunch at a resort. They were the most casually dressed there, but they weren’t the only ones who just didn’t stick to the dress code at all.
Fr, pull up in full latex
As a former ta of a cotillion, it irritates me that people don’t know the difference between black and white tie from everything else. For me it’s the equivalent of pretending you have a doctorate when all you have done is watch Gray’s Anatomy. I spent countless hours learning these things that I will never get back and it’s really cringe to see the people that forced me to learn this stuff not learn it themselves.
If you are fancy enough to host a black tie dinner why shouldn’t you? People can say no if they don’t want to deal with all the BS black tie entails.
I got invited to a “black tie only” event once. Evidently, I took that far too literally, because everybody else was wearing shirts and pants, too.
My pet peeve is ‘black tie optional’. Like either it is or it isn’t. Stop confusing people
Agreed. I think it’s actually rude to dictate to guests what they can/should wear. The wedding party, yes. They agree to that when they agree to be in a wedding party.
I was invited to one wedding where it was black tie. I was in the wedding party, so I had to rent a tux anyway. If I wasn’t in the wedding party, there’s no way I would have rented a tux just to be a guest. I’d wear my nicest suit and dare you to tell me I wasn’t dressed well enough for your pretentious wedding.
I love that the commenters are proving your point that people frequently misuse the term “black tie” lmao. Black tie is evening and indoors. If it’s an afternoon garden wedding it is not, by definition, black tie.
I’m with you OP especially for weddings. I get it if it’s a fundraiser/gala, and you need to put on an air of wealth, and your attendees are all going to be wealthy with big closets and wardrobe budgets. But to celebrate a milestone with my friends/family? I’m a baker so I don’t have a ton of fancy clothes or extra income lol. The fact that I’m straight up not welcome at your wedding because my very best dress is maybe knee or shin length? It’s just wild to me.
Almost everyone in this thread is apparently unable to read your post, or it’s gone over their heads. You’re 100% right. Black tie explicitly means “wear a tuxedo”, and nowadays a lot of people requesting it just mean “dress nicely”, which leads the people who understood the invitation as it was written to overdress needlessly.
IDK where you are. But, I see this as a “shoot for the stars and you’ll land on the moon” kinda thing — in the US.
I am not originally from the US, and I’m surprised at how badly people dress here (some exceptions, of course). I’ve been to the opera and ballet on Saturday evening performances and seen men in khakis. Women in semi-formal dress.
I imagine people ask for black tie, not because they’re expecting it, but because they want to see people at least attempt to wear fancy attire or something “nice”. I’m normally a live and let live person, but I agree with Tim Gunn’s opinion on the schlumpification of America.
Agreed. Black tie does not just mean “fancy” and you shouldn’t be requesting black tie dress code when you know you’re not inviting a black tie crowd or holding a black tie event.
Hey, I’m on your side!
I recently went to a “black tie” wedding where the bride changed into a short reception dress and sandals and the groom put on sneakers…… while the rest of us were in black tie for the rest of the night. I was annoyed
Yeah black tie is exclusively tuxedos and you should be properly dressed in that tuxedo. A black suit with a standard necktie does not adhere to black tie standards. Most people think their dad’s navy blazer with a red tie is fine for black tie but it’s not even close
Some people in this thread have never eaten corn on the cob standing in grass at a “black tie” wedding and it shows.
OP, I’m with you. If you have a bathroom trailer, sliders for dinner, and a warning on your invite that the entire wedding will be on grass… You don’t have a black tie wedding.
>You cannot ask people to wear black tie attire to a barnyard wedding…at most you’re getting someone wearing a particularly fancy sundress that goes past their knees with pastel/white block heels.
I mean otherwise maybe the guests would have worn jeans then
I attended a “black tie” wedding in my tuxedo only for no one else including the groomsmen to be in tuxedos. One guy came in jeans… I’m like… what the fuck is the point of a dress code?!
I was invited to a wedding that called for “black tie” and then one sentence later on the wedding website stated that men can wear sport coats. So, yeah… people have no clue what they’re talking about.
I just straight up assume that they mean “fancy”. None of my middle class friends have ever been to an actual black tie event, lol. The only exception is military people – they’re sticklers for dress codes and the only people I trust to know what black tie actually means.
Totally agree. I’ve been to a couple black tie events where maybe 10% of people adhered to it. In general if they want an actual black tie I think they should just spell it out “tuxedo/evening gown” rather than saying “black tie”
I just received an invitation to a fundraiser… formal attire, black and white theme.
I went to a fundraiser that said semiformal. I rented a gown. People were in JEANS. I felt so overdressed. Just wrong. Barely even saw people in suits. Now i am not believing any dress code.
I feel like some people want it black tie but the guests done deliver
From an English perspective, if you put “black tie” on your wedding invitation, you are obviously completely clueless about appropriate attire anyway.
I saw someone the other day call out how often people do this without truly providing a black tie experience. I had never thought of it that way! A buffet-style reception in a rustic venue should likely not be ‘black tie’ dress code. People just mean “dress to impress,” and want to avoid guests showing up dressed sloppily.
My unpopular opinion is that “formal” means white tie
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_dress_codes
The problem is, you can say you want black tie and tons of people just show up however they want.
Some functions, people wouldn’t dare. If a charity event says “black tie” people show up in black tie. But a wedding, half the people act like they’re illiterate when they get to that line.
I have known people who say “black tie” and mean “black tie.” One person even included a detailed description of what they meant. You’d be shocked at the number of polo shirts and khakis that tried to show up. It’s infuriating.
Instead of blaming the people who actually know what they’re asking for, blame the people who say yes then don’t bother to follow the request.
yea, people have conflated black tie and formal. which is understandable because most people will not attend a black tie event so in their head it just means ultra fancy.
For some reason Reddit shows me wedding fashion posts, it’s so funny how many people are asking for dress advice and then posting pictures where they try on several dresses as if they are going to a ball or a movie premiere. There’s no need to take dressing nicely for a wedding that seriously.
I literally have no idea what any of this means. Feels like I’m entering a parallel universe with this post
True. More people should be aware of the term “cocktail formal”. That’s what the dress code at their weddings ends up as anyway
I’ve never received an invitation to a black tie event where they actually meant cocktail. Also, your example is of women’s clothing. Black tie more than anything is very specific for men’s attire. It is much looser for women. If you get invited to a black tie event as a man and you don’t wear a tux just don’t go.
I’ve never been to a black tie event that wasn’t black tie