Genuinely screwed myself here. Basically I live in a shit household. Everybody including myself is toxic, unstable, and mentally ill. I was having a shitty morning because off the bat my mom texted me to get my lazy ass up and help bring in groceries. Which is whatever. But my mom has so frequently disrespected me that her text message hit a nerve. Then next my sister texted me to go and help which made me more annoyed for some reason. I went downstairs to help, and even being in the same room with that woman makes me want to pull my hair out. She’s the narcissistic type to always judge you and never take any blame. I didn’t want to deal with her bullshit. I helped bring in the groceries and was told to carry this big 45 pound bag of cat litter downstairs which I did but I ended up falling and landing on my elbow. It hurt nasty bad, but otherwise I was fine. What seriously pissed me off was my mom not coming to check up on me and instead laughing at the fact I fell. I was a mess of tears and seriously bothered at her—there was a stream of thoughts of why can’t she be a good mother? Why can’t she take me seriously? What is her deal with never being a good person and caring about me? Keep in mind my little sister saw me fall and she asked if I was okay which would be a nice thing to do if she wasn’t an asshole like the others. Apparently my little sister is a liar and is also sexting people online which myself and my other sister are going to deal with by the way. But I didn’t want her near me because I’m still very disgusted by her actions. She yelled at my mom for not coming to even check up on me, where she was told to shut up by my mother. My mom said that I’m fine and to get up. Now here’s is where I seriously fucked up. At the top of my lungs sounding like death metal, I yelled back at my mom. “WHAT IS YOUR FCKING PROBLEEEEEEEEEMMMM!!!!!!” And many other things I yelled which I don’t remember. I was a mess of crying and screaming. She yanked my hair and hit me which I vaguely remember. She tried to yell at me but seemed genuinely mortified that I had let out years of anger and frustration. My sister later told me my mom said I needed help, (big surprise, she really made me crazy). She told me to go to my room, which I didn’t, I booked it to the bathroom which we don’t have a lock on the door for, (and to mention that that bathroom has two doors instead of one). I ran in there and pushed my feet against the door. She tried to barge in and I knew that she would just go in from the other door. I was too afraid to move. She went in from the other door, and I must’ve been flinching so badly she didn’t hit me. I was told to go to my room again which I did. The tension is terrible between us now. I plan to leave this household when I can, and I’m afraid I set myself back with her. Now she’s paranoid that I’ll leave, which isn’t surprising, there’s been several attempts to leave in the past which only one of my siblings had been able to do. She apologized over text, I apologized over text, but I still cannot muster up the courage to leave my room. I seriously fcked myself here.
TLDR; years of a shitty household and pent up rage led to me screaming and crashing out at my mother who now thinks I am crazy and soon going to run from home.