My husband and I are approaching the 2 year point of VVVLC/NC with the majority of his family (there is a small group that we are close to that live in another state who are excluded from this). DH is VVVLC with his mom and NC with the rest and I am NC with MIL and the rest. He calls his mom on important dates and holidays, that is it, and the last time she called him outside of his late step-father going to the hospital, was easily 5+ years ago, but the expectation that he would do all of the work was there.
We were talking last night after I came home from a hair appointment with a hairstyle my MIL would LOATHE, and he said “You know, I think even if things hadn’t gone crazy 2 years ago, we would still be NC because he was unable to excuse their behavior anymore. ” This was a BIG DEAL for him, since the guilt of where we are had been weighing on him. However, he realized that I had put myself into a mold to fit his family and that seeing me feel empowered to break that made him really realize just how stifling and limiting they are and how we both have been able to fully relax into who we are in our Mid/Late 30’s and he doesn’t want to go back to that. To hear that allowed me to leave out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and it was that I was worried that he would want to go back, but I feel much more confident now.
Do any of you with JNMIL’s or family-inlaws ever worry about your spouse being pulled back in? If not, how did yo know they were out.
Basic Background: DH and I have been married 14 years and together for 20.
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I doubt my husband will ever want to go back, none of his siblings or his father and stepmom have anything to do with his mom anymore so we don’t have any family ties to her.
Even if the rest of his family was still in touch he’s made it pretty known that he’s all done. Her continuing to blame and lie about me being the reason we’re estranged is reason enough for him. It breaks my heart when he says she hates me more then she loves him but that’s the way he feels. He doesn’t want our kids to grow up around what he grew up around (his mom constantly shit talked his dad when he was little and continued into adulthood) and he knows deep down she’ll try to do it again with our kids. She’s not a safe person and thankfully everyone around us knows that.