So I’ll preface it first. I’m a real piece of shit and an awful person. I’m asking because I genuinely want to grow more mature and not as stupid.
Basically title. We’ve been dating for 2 years now and for awhile, I’ve been feeling out of love with my GF. We fought a lot and we don’t even live together. And about the dumbest things. I have so many doubts about our relationship.
She’s a germaphobe and I let my dog sleep in my bed. She’s highly independent and I barely a functional adult. She’s very direct about her problems. I am avoidant and just want peace.
We talk a lot about things that excite her but never anything about my hobbies. I keep telling her to not tell me that video games are a waste of time. I can’t show her anything that’s interesting to me as she just doesn’t care for it at all and won’t humor me on it.
All of this is awful I know. And the obvious answer is to break up. But truth of the matter is that she also really desperately wants a family and I know she loves me from the bottom of her heart.
She’s just very cold typically.
She tells me that I remind her of her deceased father which she misses dearly and it’s a trigger for her.
Breaking up at this age is just too much. She told me she felt like she would be alone forever if she hadn’t met me.
And her restarting dating in this age is just terrible. I’ve told her a lot of things about me and I feel like she’s genuinely loves one side of me and not the whole me. I slowly stopped playing as much but I feel like I miss the old me.
I also tend to have avoidant dismissive personality I think. I miss her when I’m not with her during the week and dislike when I’m with her.
I read posts online where people just had a feeling that their person is the right person. But I’m having doubts.
I need advice. Why am I the way that I am?
TLDR; After 2 years, I have doubts. Love shouldn’t be difficult but I genuinely don’t want to break up. I need some serious advice.
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The way you are not a bad person is that you don’t stretch the relationship on after you know you’re incompatible. You’re mentioning a lot of incompatibilities. Those were your sign to break up. You’re wasting her time.
In what way is being with her making your life better?
In your entire post, I don’t see a single thing about her that you say you like, or that makes you happy.
Why are you with someone you have nothing whatsoever good to say about?
Because either:
She’s an absolute treasure and you simply can’t see it, in which case, why are you bothering, or
She’s cold, withdrawn, disinterested in you, judgmental, and exhausting, the relationship is imbalanced, you’ve been sucked dry, you have nothing left to give, and every fiber of your being is miserable being with her.
My money is on Option 2.
And given that, you need to get out.
This:
> She told me she felt like she would be alone forever if she hadn’t met me.
…is emotional manipulation (at worst) or not your responsibility (at best).
If she is the person you describe here, it’s no wonder she can’t find anyone to be with.
But you are not responsible for setting yourself on fine in order to keep her warm.
Do not sacrifice your own life, your own chance at happiness, on the altar of her intransigence.