I (F 29) started living with my former roommate “Jessica” (F 32) back in 2022 up until March of 2023. She had to leave unexpectedly and had to find someone to sublet her room fast. Because we didn’t have the luxury of taking our time, she decided to not only forfeit her deposit, but also let the person who sublet her room put half the amount of the actual deposit ($200 instead of $400). My new roommate “Stacey” (F 28) stayed with me for about almost 2 years before things turned sour. I won’t get into detail for the sake of the story but she was very controlling and made multiple rules on what I could and could not do in the apartment, even though I was there first. I finally put my foot down after a year and a half of her telling me what I could and couldn’t do in the apartment and that’s when she absolutely snapped. A month or two after this incident happened, she decided she could no longer live in the apartment and had to leave. She told me she would do the same thing my former roommate did and find someone to sublet her room. The only problem was the lease was supposed to be up in May and she decided to leave February 22nd (her official last day was March 15 but stopped living in the apartment February 22nd). Now she is asking for her deposit back and I don’t want to give it to her since she broke the lease. I also don’t want to give it to her since it wouldn’t be fair to my old roommate who also broke the lease and never got her deposit back either. I would be lying if I also said wouldn’t want to keep it out of spite, however I know that that wouldn’t be a reasonable thing to do. However, she left before the lease was up which gives me more incentive to keep it. Am I the asshole?
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I (F 29) started living with my former roommate “Jessica” (F 32) back in 2022 up until March of 2023. She had to leave unexpectedly and had to find someone to sublet her room fast. Because we didn’t have the luxury of taking our time, she decided to not only forfeit her deposit, but also let the person who sublet her room put half the amount of the actual deposit ($200 instead of $400). My new roommate “Stacey” (F 28) stayed with me for about almost 2 years before things turned sour. I won’t get into detail for the sake of the story but she was very controlling and started to try and made multiple rules on what I could and could not do in the apartment, even though I was there first. I finally put my foot down after a year and a half of her telling me what I could and couldn’t do in the apartment and that’s when she absolutely snapped. A month or two after this incident happened, she decided she could no longer live in the apartment and had to leave. She told me she would do the same thing my former roommate did and find someone to sublet her room. The only problem was the lease was supposed to be up in May and she decided to leave February 22nd (her official last day was March 15 but stopped living in the apartment February 22nd). Now she is asking for her deposit back and I don’t want to give it to her since she broke the lease. I also don’t want to give it to her since it wouldn’t be fair to my old roommate who also broke the lease and never got her deposit back either. Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that might make me look like an asshole was keeping her deposit and it made me look like an Asshole because I kept her deposit
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Your former roommate, Jessica, set a precedent by forfeiting her deposit when she left early, and Stacey agreed to sublet under those terms. Now, Stacey is in the same situation—leaving before the lease ends—so it’s reasonable to apply the same rule to her.
Additionally, breaking a lease typically means forfeiting a deposit unless the lease or a separate agreement states otherwise. If she wanted her deposit back, she should have ensured the lease terms were followed or negotiated differently before leaving.
That said, if your primary reason for keeping it is spite, then that’s not the best mindset. But fairness and consistency in handling security deposits? That’s completely reasonable. If she challenges you legally, check your lease agreement to make sure you’re in the right, but otherwise, she doesn’t have much ground to stand on.
NTA
Just block her once you have her keys. You aren’t friends. If she has a problem she can take it up with the landlord, there will be a clause in the contract saying something along the lines of “if lease is broken early, the return of the deposit is under landlords discretion”.
I think this is more a legal question than an ahole judgement. What do you think is likely to happen if you refused to return her deposit; is she someone who might think small claims court is an option, and would she have a reasonable claim?
NTA
Its’ pretty common for the landlord to keep the deposit if you break a lease and leave early without the landlord’s ok. She should have expected to lose the deposit. It would be needed to cover her share of utilities that she used but didn’t pay for since she left early and to cover the rent for March and April. Honestly considering those would there have been anything left of the deposit since she only paid 1/4 of the total deposit? Or was she expecting to get the 1/4 left by your last roomate?
NTA. She must pay her fair share of the rent for the period she committed and vacating doesn’t relieve her of the obligation. Only a successor roommate would and the time period seems to not allow that in any practical sense.
Whatever you did with your prior roommate is not material. You don’t have to conduct yourself with new roommates with the view to be fair to an old roommate. It makes no sense.
Lastly, if you have a legal right to keep the deposit and use it to address the financial loss she caused by leaving early, you can do so and you can feel good about it, and exorcise your spiteful feelings.
“I’m right, you’re wrong, fuck you”
If the first part is correct, the second part must be, and the third part is entirely at your option.
Please review your lease. There may be additional charges that the landlord will impose in addition to loss of the security deposit for premature lease-breaking. The deposit should be retained to offset those additional charges, if any.
You and a roommate have been on a lease since 2022. Until she actually gets someone to sublet to then Stacey is on the hook for the lease which means she doesn’t get a return on her deposit until the lease is renewed or you move out, whichever is 1st. NTA. Also just a heads up that after 3 years you probably won’t get the full or even half of your deposit back.
INFO: did her breaking the lease cost you anything? Extra rent or damages or lost items or anything with monetary value during her departure?
If yes, then you keep the deposit. If no, then you SHOULD give it back, and you would be the A-hole if you did not. It’s also not fair to hold this roommate to the same “left the deposit” concept as the original roommate. The original roommate DECIDED to forfeit her deposit, and there’s no “fairness” to her in keeping the new roomie’s deposit.
It’s really easy to identify that this is A-holery, OP. You see it, and even phrase it, as something to get away with, and getting away with something is definitely A-hole behaviour.