When I’ve been in this situation I guess I just keep going back. It doesn’t kill to be nice and just be kind to the person. You don’t got to avoid them. If you’re both mature enough you can move on from this 🙂
Umm… Don’t make it awkward by expecting anything beyond a professional interaction. In fact make them feel okay for making a choice and not having to compromise their wellbeing.
Walk in, and order as you usually do.
It’s not the end of the world if it’s a little awkward. You made your intentions known. She did not reciprocate. You can now go back to your transactional relationship of customer and barista.
At this point it’s only awkward if you don’t respect the very clear boundary that was just established.
I asked out a bartender I thought was into me, even thought of a decent line. I’ve seen her once since but she was leaving. I’ll go back and just chat with her like usual, nothing changes since she is just not into me. Never asking out a bartender again tho, the hours just don’t work with my 9/5 schedule so going out is difficult to figure out
A good 15+ years ago I used to go to Starbucks at lunch and grab a drink. The same barista served me most days. She was friendly and such.
One day I went in and ordered a drink. She brought me a cake slice too. I said I didn’t order cake and she said “it’s on me, you come in here all the time”.
As my wife once told me when I was in a similar situation, (someone i hit on before I met wife) “relax, she’s probably been hit on before and just wants things to go back to the way it was, same as you”
This person is smiling at you because they are paid to smile at you. They are cheerful toward you because they are paid to act cheerful toward you.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK THEM OUT WHEN THEY ARE WORKING!
Bonus:
PASSED – move or cause to move in a specified direction. “I passed the beans to Grandma.”
PAST – gone by in time OR time or a period of time before the moment. “I’ve had dogs in the past.”
Don’t hit on women in their workplace. They are being nice to you because it is their job to be friendly. Making them respond to an advance where they cannot retreat is a dick move.
I have never hit on a girl while she’s working. If they’re pretty, you can guarantee that it happens to them all day. It just doesn’t sit well with me for some reason.
Don’t listen to these pussies, shoot your shot just be empathetic and very respectful and if they say no smile and then smile the next time you’re in there like you don’t give a fuck
Having been on both sides of this having been in F&B for almost 2 decades, the best ones have been just kinda shrug it off and try to act like it never happened and won’t ever happen again. civil, a little platonic friendly, but don’t try to revisit it. It’ll fade away with time, and there will even some increased mutual respect as the rejection is taken in stride. Most are worried about A) losing business, and/or B) being trapped by a prospective crazy person who can’t handle rejection. Show you aren’t that, and the awkwardness will go away.
Take it in stride. It’s only awkward if you make it. Treat her like you did before asking her out. I asked a girl out at a restaurant I go to weekly. Thought it was a for sure yeah and got hit with a “maybe” (a polite no). I didn’t take it personal. I still go in once a week. She still talks/flirts with me.
Offer your number as you leave or something that doesn’t require them to give you any information, then leave without trying to get an immediate answer from them.
If they message or call, great. If they don’t, not as great but just carry on as normal and pretend it never happened and never speak of it.
I mean I drove the bartender home once after work. Was hoping she’d invite me upstairs but it never got sexual, so there’s nothing awkward about it. I just don’t see any potential in her anymore.
You shot your shot got rejected
Petty version is to hire a super smoking escorts for a coffee date(no judgements) than with her in line with you order for both
Or cheaper version is keep going if Java is worth it and carry on but im 48 (gen x) so what do i know
Once I was the barista and a girl who came every day asked me out. I told her I had a girlfriend, and she left and I didn’t see her for a few days. I knew she worked a few doors down. I thought it would be nice to bring her her ‘usual’ and say it doesn’t have to be awkward, it’s cool. It was not cool. She didn’t say a word to me the whole time. Oh well.
When someone is paid to be nice to you, you can’t know whether they actually like you or not.
There was bartender who appeared to be super flirty with me, she was cute enough. When I met her outside of work randomly at some store, she didn’t even recognize me. Even after saying “hey Mary, how’s it going?” she just looked at me, smiled, and kept walking. I learned a lesson that day, and made a rule for myself: never assume someone likes you if they’re being paid to be nice to you.
Next rule: Treat attractive women like you’d treat a guy friend. Don’t put them on a pedestal, it makes things weird.
I actually think if you ask and get rejected, they’ll be nicer to you next time as they’re at work.
Long as you don’t keep pressing into the “you’re at work and I’m a customer so you HAVE to be nice to me” they’ll just not care and might even want to know you more.
It isn’t awkward, at least for me. I keep the conversation as usual. Couple of friendships started after I got turned down, they are part of my life, ups and downs.
Last time I did this was at the bar next door to where I live, which I frequent for happy hour food and beer.
It’s the last place I want to feel weird at.
So I asked her in the same friendly good-intentioned way I ask anyone anything, explaining myself clearly. And maybe awkwardly, but being awkward is ok.
“Hey, um, I know if I didn’t ask eventually it would bother me. And the last thing I want is for things to be weird here because I come here a lot, so I’m just going to ask then never be weird. But you’re always so nice, and very pretty, and would you like to get dinner sometime soon?”
She said, “Aw that’s so sweet, but I have a boyfriend.”
I said, “Alright then, asked and answered.”
And she’s still my favorite bartender a year later.
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Asking for a friend
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You just go there for what you need and leave like a regular customer
wait for the awkward feelings to go away
in the meantime, don’t bug them more; keep it professional/polite if you have to talk to them again
It’s easy: Hat, sunglasses . . . shoe lifts . . . fake moustache . . . foreign accent maybe
Stop giving a fuck. They’ll start to like you then. It’s a really stupid game they play.
Just don’t take it personally, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea
Just dont bother people whilst they’re at work… surely this is the same rule for work, i.e. don’t shit where you eat.
If it’s painful, give it a bit of time; you’re human. When you return, be polite and keep it light, focus on your business in that business.
Just act like it never happened. That person is surely hoping the same.
bold of of you to at least ask.. im to shy.. I just look and wonder
Keep going back. Smile and say hello. You’ve already been turned down. Play the long game like it had no effect. U can always cry in the car
Own it. It’s her loss.
I didn’t. Because I don’t ask out people whose job it is to be nice to me.
I’ve had the opposite happen and rejected them. I solved it by never going there again.
When I’ve been in this situation I guess I just keep going back. It doesn’t kill to be nice and just be kind to the person. You don’t got to avoid them. If you’re both mature enough you can move on from this 🙂
That was stupid.
Pretend it didn’t happen and don’t do it again.
Hmm. I can respect those who do it, but it’s just never ever been a thing for me to desire dating a totally random person.
There’s cuties everywhere. Just beautiful people for the eyes to admire in passing. I have never felt like ooooh I’ve GOT to get to know her!
Umm… Don’t make it awkward by expecting anything beyond a professional interaction. In fact make them feel okay for making a choice and not having to compromise their wellbeing.
Walk in, and order as you usually do.
Next time you go, bring in another girl.
Gotta laugh it off bro
I try not to make it awkward by going back regularly, to my normal routine there. Be cool. Good luck out there!
Asking someone out while they’re working is a bold strategy cotton
Go to a different coffee shop from now on!
Stop asking people out while they are working. It’s fucking lame.
Have to move city and/or country
By not asking out someone in customer service industries, EVER.
It’s not the end of the world if it’s a little awkward. You made your intentions known. She did not reciprocate. You can now go back to your transactional relationship of customer and barista.
At this point it’s only awkward if you don’t respect the very clear boundary that was just established.
I asked out a bartender I thought was into me, even thought of a decent line. I’ve seen her once since but she was leaving. I’ll go back and just chat with her like usual, nothing changes since she is just not into me. Never asking out a bartender again tho, the hours just don’t work with my 9/5 schedule so going out is difficult to figure out
I generally don’t hit on servers.
You just unlocked a memory.
A good 15+ years ago I used to go to Starbucks at lunch and grab a drink. The same barista served me most days. She was friendly and such.
One day I went in and ordered a drink. She brought me a cake slice too. I said I didn’t order cake and she said “it’s on me, you come in here all the time”.
I never went back to that store again.
Why is it awkward for you? Get to the bottom of that first.
As my wife once told me when I was in a similar situation, (someone i hit on before I met wife) “relax, she’s probably been hit on before and just wants things to go back to the way it was, same as you”
The person is NOT flirting with you.
This person is smiling at you because they are paid to smile at you. They are cheerful toward you because they are paid to act cheerful toward you.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK THEM OUT WHEN THEY ARE WORKING!
Bonus:
PASSED – move or cause to move in a specified direction. “I passed the beans to Grandma.”
PAST – gone by in time OR time or a period of time before the moment. “I’ve had dogs in the past.”
Don’t hit on women in their workplace. They are being nice to you because it is their job to be friendly. Making them respond to an advance where they cannot retreat is a dick move.
I have never hit on a girl while she’s working. If they’re pretty, you can guarantee that it happens to them all day. It just doesn’t sit well with me for some reason.
The trick is to not hit on people just doing their job 🤣
I just don’t shit where I eat in general
Just don’t go back dawg. She has been thru enough
I’ve been asked out at work before twice and said yes, and I’ve also asked out a girl working and she said yes
Don’t listen to these pussies, shoot your shot just be empathetic and very respectful and if they say no smile and then smile the next time you’re in there like you don’t give a fuck
Just got back and act unfazed. Just don’t hit on the barista or clerk or anyone at that place again lol
Having been on both sides of this having been in F&B for almost 2 decades, the best ones have been just kinda shrug it off and try to act like it never happened and won’t ever happen again. civil, a little platonic friendly, but don’t try to revisit it. It’ll fade away with time, and there will even some increased mutual respect as the rejection is taken in stride. Most are worried about A) losing business, and/or B) being trapped by a prospective crazy person who can’t handle rejection. Show you aren’t that, and the awkwardness will go away.
Go back with a hotter babe on your arm.
Take it in stride. It’s only awkward if you make it. Treat her like you did before asking her out. I asked a girl out at a restaurant I go to weekly. Thought it was a for sure yeah and got hit with a “maybe” (a polite no). I didn’t take it personal. I still go in once a week. She still talks/flirts with me.
Offer your number as you leave or something that doesn’t require them to give you any information, then leave without trying to get an immediate answer from them.
If they message or call, great. If they don’t, not as great but just carry on as normal and pretend it never happened and never speak of it.
There shouldn’t be any awkwardness. You asked, they said no. Life goes on. Just be cool the next time you go to order your regular.
What “awkwardness?”
A date being declined does not equal “being rejected.”
You just don’t go back! Kidding. Sort of.
I mean I drove the bartender home once after work. Was hoping she’d invite me upstairs but it never got sexual, so there’s nothing awkward about it. I just don’t see any potential in her anymore.
You shot your shot got rejected
Petty version is to hire a super smoking escorts for a coffee date(no judgements) than with her in line with you order for both
Or cheaper version is keep going if Java is worth it and carry on but im 48 (gen x) so what do i know
Once I was the barista and a girl who came every day asked me out. I told her I had a girlfriend, and she left and I didn’t see her for a few days. I knew she worked a few doors down. I thought it would be nice to bring her her ‘usual’ and say it doesn’t have to be awkward, it’s cool. It was not cool. She didn’t say a word to me the whole time. Oh well.
I was the barista and asked out this girl she said no but then kept coming back talking to me I just brushed it off and got with a different girl.
Don’t ask out people when they’re working.
The best advice I ever got about dating is: you are going to get rejected and that’s ok.
You’re still a catch and there’ll be other people to date.
Rejection sucks… but it passes, and you’ll learn more and more how to recognise, process and regulate your emotional reaction.
There may be any number of reasons they said no: busy, caught off guard, uncertain, already dating someone, not dating right now…
Or they may simply just not feel that way towards you.
And that’s ok too – respecting and accepting other people’s feelings is big part of being a person worth dating.
There’ll be someone who sees your strengths, what you bring to the table, and they’ll be the right person at the right time for both of you.
Que sera sera 🙏
You have some nerve man 😭
Treat them like a normal human
Just remember that if you cared about awkwardness, you wouldn’t have asked a captive audience out.
Don’t you know you’re only supposed to ask people out on dating apps or at the bar? I swear the nerve of men these days
You find a new coffee place and date that barista
It’s not that bad. Worst they can do is talk about you to a coworker or something. There are things way more awkward than that.
Like sayy having a drunk one night stand in a small community where you have to see that person all the time.
Fuck their mom
I never go there again, it is the social seppuku you accept. That Kroger/ tim Hortons is terra ingognita to you now
Well clearly you never go back there again under any circumstances.
You should probably move out of state ASAP
It’s no big deal – just treat them like any other human being afterwards.
You didn’t gain or lose anything. As long as it wasn’t aggressive or pushy it shouldn’t matter.
Plus if they change their mind at some point they may ask you eventually.
Just don’t be weird about it.
I am so glad I never did no cringe shit like that.
I wouldn’t go back
When someone is paid to be nice to you, you can’t know whether they actually like you or not.
There was bartender who appeared to be super flirty with me, she was cute enough. When I met her outside of work randomly at some store, she didn’t even recognize me. Even after saying “hey Mary, how’s it going?” she just looked at me, smiled, and kept walking. I learned a lesson that day, and made a rule for myself: never assume someone likes you if they’re being paid to be nice to you.
Next rule: Treat attractive women like you’d treat a guy friend. Don’t put them on a pedestal, it makes things weird.
Why is it awkward? Just say hi and behave like you did before you ever asked her out.
I get rejected all the time lol many of which become my friends afterwards. It’s no thang at all.
By never asking them. They’re at work.
I actually think if you ask and get rejected, they’ll be nicer to you next time as they’re at work.
Long as you don’t keep pressing into the “you’re at work and I’m a customer so you HAVE to be nice to me” they’ll just not care and might even want to know you more.
‘ Just smile and wave boys’.
It isn’t awkward, at least for me. I keep the conversation as usual. Couple of friendships started after I got turned down, they are part of my life, ups and downs.
Last time I did this was at the bar next door to where I live, which I frequent for happy hour food and beer.
It’s the last place I want to feel weird at.
So I asked her in the same friendly good-intentioned way I ask anyone anything, explaining myself clearly. And maybe awkwardly, but being awkward is ok.
“Hey, um, I know if I didn’t ask eventually it would bother me. And the last thing I want is for things to be weird here because I come here a lot, so I’m just going to ask then never be weird. But you’re always so nice, and very pretty, and would you like to get dinner sometime soon?”
She said, “Aw that’s so sweet, but I have a boyfriend.”
I said, “Alright then, asked and answered.”
And she’s still my favorite bartender a year later.
By prentending nothing happenned, and you’re just a customer like any other.
They get paid for being nice to you, don’t get hooked on the staff.
Easily, I dont do dumb shit like this.
By acting like it’s all good, because it is
just act cool say hello and be normal. be brief and be positive. then go about your day.
By not doing dumb shit like asking out people when they’re working.
You violated the platinum rule!
S3E11
I learned to spell past.
They said no let it go, be polite and brief in your interaction with them. Or find a new place to go.
Act like nothing happened brah, come in with another girl and she will think she messed up 🙂
First (and I cant stress this enough): DONT . HIT . ON . PEOPLE . WORKING.
If they want to give you their number or ask you out, they will.
Second: If you shot your shot and missed then you have to play it off like it was nothing.