I have heard a number of men who complain about being friendzoned, and I have begun to realize that, as a woman, I often seem to be friendzoned by men!
I have had a LOT of male friendships during my life, and while I had a few boyfriends in my teens, I have only ever had one really serious romantic relationship in my life.
I currently live with two straight male roommates, and I have become very good friends with both of them (one was a really good friend before I moved in). I would be open to a more romantic relationship with either of them, but they just don’t seem interested. One of them even frequently calls me “dude”, and then laughs at himself and shakes his head. (He’s not laughing at me, fortunately.)
I guess I just come across as “one of the guys”, even though I’m not masculine-presenting. Any clues as to why this might be?
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/CatPurrsonNo1’s post (if available):
I have heard a number of men who complain about being friendzoned, and I have begun to realize that, as a woman, I often seem to be friendzoned by men!
I have had a LOT of male friendships during my life, and while I had a few boyfriends in my teens, I have only ever had one really serious romantic relationship in my life.
I currently live with two straight male roommates, and I have become very good friends with both of them (one was a really good friend before I moved in). I would be open to a more romantic relationship with either of them, but they just don’t seem interested. One of them even frequently calls me “dude”, and then laughs at himself and shakes his head. (He’s not laughing at me, fortunately.)
I guess I just come across as “one of the guys”, even though I’m not masculine-presenting. Any clues as to why this might be?
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As a straight guy who comes off as “one of the girls” – I think that’s the entire issue right there. We’re not seen as romantic or sexual options by the opposite sex. We give off friend vibes that cause us to be sorted out as close friends rather than potential mates or lovers. I’ve been working on addressing it, but it can be a struggle.
It’s not about you. These dudes wisely want to avoid a situation with high likelihood to destroy the roommate setup.
Men are taught to assume a woman is never interested. Never. Never. Neeeeeeeever. You have to straight up say “Hey I’d like to date” for someone to get it. Try doing that
Most likely reason? You’re not their type or they find you ugly
PS: Doesn’t mean you are though. It’s just their taste
You could be emitting masculine energy and without seeing a photo of you, it would be down to attraction simply as, looking at your post history, you seem to be quite intense and seem to be in love with one of them? You went out your way to move in with him and they treat you like a bro, I just have this idea of you, weird colour hairstyles and piercings. Probably just not their type.
A rare scenario… but let’s pretend it’s real.
If you are unattractive they like you as a friend; it is as easy to be friends with a woman you find unattractive as it is to be friends of with a dude. Even better there’s no competition and hanging out with a woman elicits the interest of other women.
If you are an attractive woman, either you are rocking with extremely top tier faithful men or they assume they don’t qualify. An extremely attractive woman could take a man on as a friend that knows he will never have a chance. If the prospect for even a non-serious relationship exists there will always be tension.
My guess is because you act in a masculine way, instead of feminine.
Thats like the number 1 reason why a guy would friendzone a woman. Besides her being ugly, of course.
You’re either too unattractive to be seen as an option, or too attractive to be seen as an option. It’s really that simple with men.
In a roommate situation, unless your roommates are absolutely incapable of weighing risks and rewards, it’ll never happen unless you explicitly ask for it. Even then, a wise man will not want to destroy the dynamics of the household by dating you.
wow, I love putting girls in the friend zone, it’s automatic
That post history
Dating often boils down to timing, chemistry, and mutual interests. Maybe you’ve just been the ‘right girl’ at the ‘wrong time’. Keep being you, the right person will recognize your worth.
You’re either too crazy or not hot enough
Probably give off masculine energy, not fit, or unattractive (least likely)
It’s the same as for women.
Contrary to popular belief, men are not, in fact, largely desperate and lonely and do sometimes see women as “just friends” with no sexual or romantic intentions hidden away.
Edit: That doesn’t mean feelings can’t change, though.
People aren’t put in the friendzone, they settle down there. You aren’t putting out the vibe that you are looking for whatever you’re looking for.
I’m friends with a woman who recently told me she has a crush on me, I told her it’s best we stay friends, even though I do find her attractive. Reason being is she hangs out with a bunch of other friends she’s previously slept with, like she has them stay over her house. All her friends are guys and majority she’s hooked up with. She also keeps exes around as friends that still wanna hook up (they state they do so it’s not an assumption) and she’s quite promiscuous. So essentially she’s in the “friend zone” because i see too many red flags for a committed relationship and I don’t wanna fuck the friendship up by hooking up
have you…. asked either of these people out? how would they know that you are open to it
>Why might a woman tend to be “friendzoned”?
>I currently live with two straight male roommates, I would be open to a more romantic relationship with either of them
How many couples do you know that move in together instantly while getting together? How many people do you know who discover some “nasty” things about their partner after they move in with them?
Why would they risk drama and issues with rent by getting involved with their female roommate?
>even though I’m not masculine-presenting.
How did you determine that?
There are a whole lot of things we do not know about you – and I am not telling you to disclose those online, this is for you to think through and make your own conclusions:
Depending on what you offer and what you are after it could be almost anything really.
For starters you don’t F**k your friends(some exceptions apply). The female friends I do have, I can say are attractive without it being sexual. I can say one of my boys is a good looking guy and not be seen as gay or have any sexual attraction to him. If a woman feels “friendzoned” it’s because they actually respect you or/& you are giving the vibe or indication you’re looking.
The friendzone is a myth
Look at a crowd of people. Ask yourself honestly if you would happily date every single one of the people you see. Would you? No you wouldn’t. We all are attracted to different things.
You aren’t being friendzoned. They just aren’t attracted to you like that. It’s that simple.
That just sounds like normal friendship to me not “friendzone”. Friendzone is when someone says something like “I wish I could find someone like you” to you despite you being someone like you. That’s the only “real” friendzone. Everything else is just people thinking they’re entitled to a relationship just because they’re nice to the person or the person smiles at them occasionally. A genuine friendship (which it sounds like you have) is not the friendzone. It’s friendship.
Also worth noting that despite popular belief among women, men are not mind readers. No matter how much you flirt we’ll just assume you’re just being friendly or just flirting for fun. If you have genuine romantic feelings for them and it isn’t just wanting to date them just for the sake of being in a relationship then tell them. But if you don’t have romantic feelings for them don’t try to force yourself to feel something you don’t. Just enjoy the friendship. As for being called “dude”, I call most people dude. I’ve called partners dude. It’s just part of my vocabulary. Not in a “You’re a dude” type of way but more like “Did you see what happened on the show last night? Duuuuuude.” kind of way. I also use bro in this way occasionally. On the flip side I also call male friends bitch sometimes. Just the way I am. Those words aren’t about gender to me. Neither is friendship. Idc what’s between you’re legs. If you’re cool to hang with then you’re cool to hang with.