What was your wake up call, the moment that made you want to change your life? How did it affect you, and how are things going for you now?
What was the wake up call that made you want to change your life?
r/AskWomen
What was your wake up call, the moment that made you want to change your life? How did it affect you, and how are things going for you now?
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After we graduated high school, my now husband and I took a trip for two weeks. Being away from my family made me realise just how suffocating they were and I made the decision to move out before the 18th birthday deadline they’d given me.
It ended up working out well. Been married for 15 years, have two wonderful kids, and haven’t had to worry about them aside from one incident in over a decade.
Took a group photo at work and finally saw what I looked like amongst other people. Really motivated me to lose weight. Lost about 40kgs after that!
I caught myself crying in the bathroom at work for the 5th time in a week. That’s when I knew something had to change. I left that job and started putting my mental health first. Life’s still tough but I feel more in control now.
My psychologist slamming her notes down and asking me who the hell taught me it was OK to talk about myself like that!?
Same psychologist who repeated my own words about myself when I mentioned a friend canceling on me ‘oh she’s a terrible friend’ triggering a rant from me about how she’s struggling and my psych going ‘so why are the rules different for you than others?’
She really knew exactly where to poke to make me realize how I kept myself sick, how warped my brain had become. She taught me how self hate is a habit. That I taught my brain when A happens it needs to do B. But luckily habits can be broken and new ones formed
Poverty, no working adults and a tiny mouth to feed.
My youngest child. I was in a healthier mental space when I had him vs when I had my twins. He’ll be 3 next month and I feel like I’ve only just discovered my own consciousness. A vastly sobering experience at 35.
My son moving out at 20 when I was 40. I saw a long new road of possibilities and decided I didn’t want to waste them. It was time to rediscover myself and live for me. Loving it 7 years and counting.
I was getting beaten and kicked by my then boyfriend while my cousin stood watching it happen and did absolutely nothing. She had told him some lie about me and another guy. And my aunt (her mother) my grandma and other family members backed her! After that time, I have never taken shit from anyone and I learned that so called family and all that ‘blood is thicker than water’ is pure BS. I have friends that have been more family to me than my own.
Watching my alcoholic partner completely lose his mind one night, I saw his violence, malice, weakness, and narcissism on full display in a way that made me see him for exactly who he was. I saw someone I did not want around my children. Someone I could not trust. Someone who was abusing me. So after he passed out, I packed up, left, and never spoke to him again.
About two months later, I started a weight loss journey and dropped 100 pounds in about a year and a half. I’ve been at goal for over a year. Met the love of my life. Got engaged at 49.
That saying, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time,” is the BEST advice. Would have saved me years of misery.
Rent was making me stay at a job I grew to hate and then always going up. Then I lost that job and knew I wasnt gonna survive more rent increases. So I changed my living conditions and now the 1st of the month means nothing to me anymore!
I was days away from turning 40, which wasn’t anything special. But for some reason the thought of turning 40 still being with my partner filled me with dread. So I broke up with him the actual day before my birthday.
I honestly don’t know why my brain decided 40 was the wake up call, but I’m glad it did. I’m 40 & free!
I got arrested twice for public intoxication within 3 months. As per personal desire and court orders, I went 6 months sober, realized how much control I actually have in my life. I am no longer a drunk, spent a year and half working on myself, struggling financially, but because I never quit, going to restart my career in August. Even being sent to D.C. in two weeks for a really cool experience to bring back to the company.
The day of the first arrest, I heard an ominous voice, clear as day and different than all my own mental voices, “You are going to be arrested today. Everything will be okay.” When things happened, I was calm. When it happened a second time, it was part of hitting that rock bottom before I could rebuild myself.
I am not who I used to be. For that, I am grateful for His grace.
My partner (then just acquaintance) asking me in a simple discussion ‘what do YOU want?’
I couldn’t answer at all. Nobody ever asked me the question, including not myself, and I just floated along with the needs and wants of others. That one simple question caused such a mind shift. I explored it further in therapy and began seeing how much I was not living for myself but for the expectations of others. It made me finally break up with my abusive relationship of 10 years
My best friend died of brain cancer when she was 36. She was never able to fulfill her dreams in life. Shortly after, I started feeling her around me in moments where I felt lost, or at a dead end. It’s been a couple years now, but because of her I got the idea to start my own Food Truck. She was a foodie through and through and we loved to eat and try new things together. My truck is a love letter to her and all the women we’ve lost in this life that we still carry with us in heart and kitchen.
My husband and I have both left our corporate jobs, we own this business, we feed our community, we’re a bit of a local celebrity in our tiny town and I get to work at the beach posting TikToks about new menu items—and I think about my Anna every single day, every time I take an order or every time I remember I don’t have to go to that fucking job at the bank anymore. She saved my life in death and I only wish she were here with me to see all of this.
33rd birthday, marking 8 years single, at dinner with my parents only. Decided to give myself a year to try and date and see if I could maybe end up falling in love. Almost 6 years later I’m writing this comment rocking my newborn baby.
I got pregnant right before Covid struck, the father bolted and I lived all alone and worked a thankless job in the city. I was furloughed and then let go. I re-enrolled in school to get a qualifying masters in field I knew I would love, moved back to the country and in with my parents, had my son on my own. Years later, I now own a house, work a fantastic job I love (thanks to that masters!), see my family everyday, and am a mother to a happy four year old boy who I can support all on my own.
Things happen for a reason, roll with it and things can get better with hard work.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a manipulator who always made me feel guilty for wanting anything for myself, but I wanted to be with someone. I dreamed of marriage and children. One day I saw a meme lol. A comic of a girl dancing while doing laundry, and I thought, “I never dance.” It all clicked into place, and I realized I’d rather live alone and be happy than spend one more minute feeling like crap with someone who doesn’t even like me.
I broke up with him that day. I owned the house we lived in, so I packed up everything, dumped a loan into fixing up the house and called my realtor. I sold it and moved across the country to live with some friends while I figured my life out. My best friend and I fell in love and the rest is history. I felt so stuck in that house with that guy up to my eyeballs in debt cause he was a leech, but getting out was always something I was capable of doing. I just had to love myself enough to do it.
Spouse had a family member death, and while processing it in therapy they were asked hypothetically “you’re on your death bed, what do you regret in life”. When they were sharing about their sesh and I heard that, my brain immediately popped up Not Transitioning. Yeah that was a couple months of work on my end after that, then the beginning of my journey officially starting.
My grandmother passed and the emptiness it left eventually pushed me to stop putting off things I wanted to do because I didn’t want to do them alone and pushed me to work on expanding my social circle as an adult.
Now I go on regular adventures on my own but I also have more friends locally.
I didnt go to college after high school. I was burned out. I started working a retail job and for years I was fine with it. But in my mid-20s, all of my friends were graduating and moving out of their parent’s houses. I was bagging groceries one day and just thought, I’ll never be on my own doing this for $8 an hour. So I enrolled in community college a few days later.
I worked horrible office jobs for years but in my last job, I experienced racism and bullying at the hands of a coworker. I reported her, she got a slap on the wrist and I was told I needed to forgive her and move on. I was so sick of being treated poorly and of being in systems that just don’t care about people, I quit and now I work in the arts. I’m a singer, I make my own schedule, I get to spend my days creating things I care about and connecting with likeminded people. I’m busier than I’ve ever been but I’m so much happier and I recently realized my physical health is improving because I’m not in fight or flight all the time.
When I realised I lost 50% of hair .
Three moments come to mind:
I have no biological children of my own but I’m a full time caregiver and stepmom to two autistic children with trauma. I went to school for education and had taught for years but never realized how much better I could be as a teacher after becoming a parent. I see children so differently now. I’m more patient by a landslide and I see the humor in more situations. I stopped assuming that “bad kids had bad parents,” and stopped judging the parents of kids who were struggling in some way. When kids show up to school in mismatched clothes, I recognize that parenting is hard work and that the full story is not always about parental negligence. I never assume that a kid having a meltdown is just a spoiled brat; I immediately consider that the kid may have a disability. But above all, I’ve learned to accept that children are quirky and poor at regulating themselves, so it’s up to me to help them from where they’re at. I’m a much better advocate for children, including my own. When I see a teacher being extra judgmental, I usually end up also discovering that they are not parents.
Honestly, it was my mom’s passing that changed everything. It gave me the freedom to truly live life on my own terms. No more checking in with anyone or worrying about how my decisions might affect others.
I live each day like it could be my last. I still invest and contribute to my 403(b) and other accounts, but when it comes to things that bring me joy — traveling, buying something I want, getting a new tattoo — I’m not waiting for the “right time.” I’m doing it now.
I went on a girl’s weekend and binged on alcohol and food for 3 days. Every day I woke up, feeling like shit but by noon I was drinking again (we all were). I woke up on the last day in a sun room, light shining in, birds chirping and feeling like absolute garbage. Like death warmed over, in such a peaceful beautiful space. I asked, “what am I doing?” Decided to try to make it 3 months with no alcohol and no binging (on food). After 3 months, I just kept going. I haven’t had alcohol in 7 1/2 years, I have tackled my Binge Eating Disorder, lost 80 lbs, started running, started living. For the record, I’m not an alcoholic but a binge drinker. So it was probably easier for me to stop than if I were addicted.
first one: a health scare that prevented me from moving much, my daily steps went from 2k a day, to 12k.
Talking to a successful guy who moved around a lot, and realizing how much I’m restricting myself by staying in the town I’m in right now, and how much moving will help me improve my career. In the process of moving ✨
my father got sick, relatives death, and career turbulence. realized that I have to be strong standing in my own feet after all that.
Broke up with my ex after 3 months of constant negative, blaming reactions and she having zero common sense, wish I had didn’t ignore all the red flags months before the rlt even happened. Swear to never date anyone who’s younger than myself or academically good bcuz they clearly lack surviving skills.
During that whole time, I was working with my current gf. We hung out after work as I got promoted, and we spent the whole night at a convinient store to talk about rlt, goals, life, and I realized, wow this girl just ticked all of my checklist except for being younger and academically good?!
We gave each other more dates and have been together for 2 years more now. Best decision of my life.