How Do You Deal with Feeling Emotionally Exhausted from Always Being the Peacemaker?
How Do You Deal with Feeling Emotionally Exhausted from Always Being the Peacemaker?
r/AskWomen
How Do You Deal with Feeling Emotionally Exhausted from Always Being the Peacemaker?
Comments
You STOP always being the peacemaker.
Seriously. Try it. It’s fucking great.
You are not required to always be the peacemaker. Sometimes you have to let it burn
Go to therapy and learn that being the peacemaker is not your responsibility.
I distanced my myself from my family and those who are drama, drama, drama all the time.
I found peace and now I’ll let the world burn before I make myself smaller again to keep the peace in arguments
This just made me realise that my very small circles of friends all broke up because the others would get into fights or drama, and I was always stuck in the middle of it all… I just want a chill friend group, damn.
For the latest one, I actually tried so hard into staying neutral and staying out of the fight. But one of them DM’d me and idk how she did it, but manipulators man. The words they pick and say to go their way. It was scary, but she successfully made me pick her side when I didn’t want to. Deep down, it felt so wrong, but things the said also appealed to my situation and made it seem like I was being used and attacked as well. It’s crazy. I ended up making up with the other friend a year later, eventhough I knew our friendship would never be the same again.
My advice: DO NOT TRY. Let them figure it out themselves if you have nothing to do with it.
When they go low, I go lower.
I was my family’s scapegoat growing up and by the time I hit adulthood after therapy I started to realize how emotionally immature my own parents were and they can’t function without using somebody as a peacemaker.
You draw boundaries because that’s what a therapist is going to tell you and you let other people deal with their own emotions. You aren’t responsible for keeping anybody’s peace. Every human is responsible to build their peace and that takes work.
I jump ship.
It’s not worth keeping everything together if it’s just going to fall apart every time I turn around. I really can only be responsible for one person’s actions, and that’s my own. So I let them burn that ship down around themselves and hope that next time they’ll realize that they have to put effort in to keep everything afloat, instead of leaving all that to someone else.
Honestly? It’s draining.
Being the peacemaker means constantly putting everyone else’s emotions before your own—making sure the vibe is right, that no one feels left out, that conflicts are soothed before they explode. But the truth is, when you’re always the one holding everything together, you start falling apart.
So I’ve had to learn to pause. To ask myself: Who’s taking care of me? Sometimes, I just need to step back and let things fall apart if that’s what it takes to protect my peace.
I also talk to someone—whether it’s a friend who actually listens without dumping their problems on me, or a therapist when I need deeper grounding. And I’ve started setting boundaries that sound like:
“I care about you, but I can’t be your emotional sponge right now.”
That doesn’t make me cold. It makes me human. And if I’m not okay, how can I really help anyone else?
So yeah. It’s about choosing myself without guilt. Not always easy—but absolutely necessary.
there’s no way of dealing with, either you leave or start matching their energy.
stop being a people pleaser, I know its hard and I also struggle with it but you need to try. Live ur life for yourself