How close were you, emotionally and physically (like how often did you hug)? Did you express affection freely or was there more emotional distance?
Growing up, how affectionate was your family?
r/AskWomen
How close were you, emotionally and physically (like how often did you hug)? Did you express affection freely or was there more emotional distance?
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Very emotionally distant family. I can scarcely remember how many times my parents hugged me (or one another) as a child. Expressing emotion in general was generally seen as weak and something you didn’t do frequently.
My parents didn’t touch at all that I saw. I was not a cuddly kid. My mom and sister cuddled and hugged a lot.
My parents provided for us financially but affection wasn’t really something that was given unless for selfish reason. My mom required us to love her and give her our undivided attention, that’s why she had children. My dad only hugged out of some sort of desire to follow social norms, not because it came naturally to him to do so. I recoil at both of their touch now as an adult.
Emotionally close, but not much physical affection.
There was affection hugs often my dad started side hugging us girls as we got older and sometimes I just want a big bear hug from him. We say I love you often, show up when shit gets hard and I know love is there. But we don’t have the opportunity to learn how to fight and argue in healthy ways we were not aloud to show anger or upset feelings. As a 39f I started working on it myself 4 years ago but my family still doesn’t talk to each other about the hard shit we lie and talk about it behind everyone’s back when I started to address issues head on I have had lots of pushback and miss understandings from family and they shut down on me. I wish we had a good balance of learning how to manage all feelings.
Very little on both fronts. Hence my emotional disconnect with ex. Though I am an extremely affectionate person who needs physical touch as my love language. Working on the emotional side with my therapist 😬
We were and still are very affectionate, both emotionally and physically. Kisses, cuddles, expressing our love for each other. My sister still tries to grab my hand when we’re walking somewhere and we’re in our 30s and 40s now 😂
We were very close. Lots of hugs and kisses. I had a happy childhood. I’m happy I mostly had a positive example of what a family should look like. I’d like to give the same environment to my kids someday.. after I find a husband first.
I was and am close with both my parents but we didn’t hug or say “I love you”. My parents also didn’t model any affection between each other. I would’ve thought I’d have learned not to be affectionate from it but I’m very affectionate in relationships. Maybe it’s why my #1 love language is words of affirmation, I didn’t hear them. Even my ex bf of 11 years didn’t really deliver, I guess I am now starving for it lol.
Like zero? No touches like hugs or pats, no words of affection or love.
My mom would swing between super lovey dovey and screaming that my brother and I ruined her life. My dad was a bit better, but he died in a car accident, and my mom killed herself + my little brother soon after.
So doesn’t matter now, I suppose.
They were very regular, both physically and emotionally. If I asked for a hug I got one. If I asked for advice I got it, etc.
Very close emotionally and physically, both of my parents are very affectionate towards me even now as a 23 yr old. It’s probably because I’m their only child, so they cherish me a lot.
Moderate. More physically affectionate in early childhood and it dropped off right around puberty. But that felt natural to me and not a bad thing. As a young teenager I realized I only liked physical touch with people I was attracted to or romantically interested in. Not really into a lot of platonic touching whatsoever still.
When I was in the single digit age bracket we hugged, said I love you frequently, held hands if it made sense to. My parents always kissed me on the lips and surprisingly (because they were so controlling) let me choose when that stopped when I wasn’t really comfortable with it anymore.
My parents were allowed to have more physical boundaries than me in general though. However I was always told I love you a ton by both of them at every stage of my life.
My parents hated each other so I never remember them kissing or hugging or acting like a couple in love at all.
Oh my parents and grandparents were very affectionate! We hugged and cuddled and held hands all the time. I think thats why I can be so open with friends.
I come from a culture where parents don’t tell their children that they love them, and parents don’t hug their children when they see them after school, for example, or to say good night.
Looking back, I think my parents show their affection towards their children more on through material possessions like toys/gaming consoles than hugging us.
I mean, there’d still be instances where either of them would hug us, but it’s often my mother who did it than our father.
My father was very affectionate and my mother tried, but it was harder for her. I am much like her and affection isn’t my thing. I’m just practical. As a small kid my mother was there for a good cuddle and curling up to read me a story.
My parents were married 50 years and my father was in love with her until she died, he then fell apart for 7 years. He would take a lawn chair to the cemetery and sit with her daily for hours. It was painful to watch. He is now dating again after 12 years. He still cry’s on the phone with me at least once a month about how much he misses my mother. He made it hard for any man to live up to that level of devotion. But, my husband is fantastic, so I got lucky
Very distant with my family, I don’t talk to my parents due to their actions when I was a kid and I gave them a chance to redeem themselves and they still blamed me for their alcoholism and problems. I removed myself from them and haven’t been in contact for 20 years
Affection was required and transactional.
We had to hug both parents good night, and if we were asking for something like a privilege or the like, then we were required to hug AND kiss our dad, and say “Daddy-o, daddy-o, daddy-o I love you!” No, not joking.
It was not a healthy household. I am to this day not touchy-feely or overly affectionate because of how I grew up.
Very affectionate from my mom. She’s the kind of mom everybody wants. Always there for you AND your friends, always willing to make your favourite meal, always telling you how much she loves you, constantly kissing your cheeks and giving you hugs, etc. Dad was and still is the jokester except he was a bit more strict growing up. He also had a temper on him. Didn’t ever hit us but he was scary when he was mad and that was enough to make us stop our shenanigans. Overall, i have to say we had a great childhood. I’m thankful for my parents
It dialed between very emotional and very toxic. So glad I moved 1700 miles away
I can count on one hand the number of times I have been hugged by my parents in my 40 years.
Hmm.. maybe less so that a typical western family, but definitely much more than the typical eastern one.
I personally wasn’t so good with verbally expressing myself or feelings (maybe less so now), so my mom developed a physical way to help me communicate it. Squeezing/pressure was the intensity of the feeling. Hugs was love… so my mom often gave me tight hugs. I was/am also avoidant attachment, so I’d squirm from normal hugs (or physical touch), but these “communicative” ones were brief and OK for me. So I was particularly reserved when it came to affection…
But my family really was quite affectionate I think. My brothers were always clinging on to and hanging off my mom like monkeys. Only until their late teens did she start complaining cus their arms were getting heavy on her shoulders. That being said, until mid20s, I was still linking arms when I walk with my dad… which I’m told isn’t very normal. So maybe in that way… a bit low key affectionate.
Emotionally, I’d also say as close as it gets for eastern families. Definitely much more than typical. Every parting (parents going to work, us going to school, hanging up the phone, etcetc..) we sign off with ILY, and as kids, a kiss+hug too.
Oh, and just looking at photos, I’m surprised to see how huggy and cuddly my brothers and I were lol. Definitely not think nor remember us getting along that well as kids. I’d say my brothers and I were (and are) very close since teens.
Pretty high lever of both-hug, kiss, snuggle, say I love you frequently etc.
Not at all. Never heard my mom say I love you. Never hugged. I made an effort to always say I love you to my kids. Always hug them.
I was taking care of my mom in hospice. I was going home for the night. She was 94. I turned and said I love you. She stopped dead in her tracks. She said that is the first time you have ever said that to me. I hugged her and said it again. She died within 2 weeks of that.
Zip zero. My dad was very sweet on me but died when I was a teen. My brother and I are close and affectionate with each other. My sister and I were close but we are no longer. She is also distant from my brother.
Our mother is the nexus of most of this but it is a choice and I think some people are just built more affectionate. She never said I love you and rarely gave affection. She showed that by bragging about us to others. Mostly people whose opinion we didn’t give a fk about or who didn’t understand that accomplishment at all.
I am overly affectionate with my son but his dad is like that with me. Sometimes I think we say I love you or praise each other too much and sometimes I am happy it child will never have to look back and wonder why we never said “I love you” or had emotional and physical comforts.
We’re not super affectionate, but we show love in little ways like acts of service, quiet support, being there when it matters.
Mom is the “I love you from afar” type. She would be affectionate in other ways.
Dad is a hugger. Complete teddy bear.
My brother is more like my mom. Im more like my dad.
Not very…
Our mom is probably the only one we had no hesitation about showing affection to.
It was awkward, otherwise. Don’t think it was always like that. But something shifted.
Could be the age gaps.
Mom was always affectionate and warm to me. Hugs, hand on shoulder, etc. Dad was a quite physical father at home. Hugs, shoulder pat, sit beside me in case I wanted to lean against him, couch time, etc. I was in my late 20s when he stopped carrying me. I’m 37 and sometimes plunk down right beside him on the couch.
The one thing that hurt was seeing how Dad became distant in public when I hit puberty. He basically wouldn’t touch me when other people, non-family, were watching.
My dad was very affectionate, verbally and physically. Many times, much to my annoyance at the time, I was hugged anytime I left the room he was in. Sometimes it was a bit much. My mom wasn’t as outwardly affectionate and tended to hold her emotions closer, but would give hugs now and then.
In high school, I described my family as “random individuals who happened to be related to each other.” We aren’t physically or verbally affectionate. Our love languages tend to be acts of service and personal time.
Dad was extremely affectionate. He was the light and sunshine of all our lives. Engaging in silly jokes, pranks and mannerisms. When he died, the light of our home was snuffed out. Mum was the exact opposite of him, so the world grew darker and darker till I couldn’t take it anymore and I finally moved out.
Not very affectionate in general. When I was very young, my parents were a bit more affectionate with me, like I would sit on their laps or something. My mom a bit more so than my dad. But not at all with each other and less with me when I wasn’t so little anymore. Neither side of my extended family is especially affectionate, either.
My parents weren’t affectionate with me, but my brother (different dad) was very close with our mum. The affection was so nonexistent for me that when my parents touch me even if it’s just passing something from hand to hand or sitting close to me it feels really uncomfortable. My brother and I were close though and hug every time we greet each other and Im affectionate with my own children.
emotionally my parents were not available AT ALL and physically… and physically… just giving affection to each others. i do not remember them telling me ‘i love you’ before i was like 22 yo… and they also never hugged me.
My mom was (and continues to be) very cuddly, physical affection given out freely.
My dad had/has his weird ways of physical affection (think really loud
smackspats on the back, pressing our earlobes twice, awkward half hugs, pressing kneecaps). It’s like he has love but doesn’t know what to do with it.My brother was very very cuddly, grew up to be a teenager and suddenly he was “too cool” for cuddles, but now he fake begrudgingly accepts hugs and stuff. We have our own ways of showing love, like locking our toes, poking each other’s bellies, sticking our fingers in each other’s ear.
The more I write, the more I realise how weird we are
My family were all very affectionate – hugs & everything.
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They love me dearly and strictly🤭
As I grew older, the less it was present. I remember laying on the couch with either parent at a young age (up to 8 or 9 years old) and having tickle fights with my dad and brother in my parent’s kind size bed. At some point my mom just seemed too interested in the internet (and progressed to being a full blown conspiracy theorist and I’m NC with her now) and I think my dad mostly stopped initiating. I still give him hugs when I see him, but it’s more of a greeting or farewell.
Not at all. I don’t think I ever heard my parents say they loved me.
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When I was very young, they hugged me often. But that quickly changed, I think about the time I started going to school. Typical Asian parents, no affection. Suddenly one day when I was living on my own, an adult who would sometimes visit my parents and stay with them over a weekend, my mom started saying I love you and wanted to hug me all the time…. That was awkward af, they were distant my entire working memory and suddenly like a flip of a switch they’re all affectionate? Didn’t work with my brain, I did not reciprocate. Still don’t.
I remember hugging my mom but that was maybe when I was a teenager. My dad when I was either 5 or 6yrs. Siblings,I don’t remember ever hugging any of them. I guess I’m not the only one who comes from a family that don’t show emotions. It’s mostly dismissed and you’re tagged disrespectful if you do get angry or upset. The disrespect tag lasts forever.
I know better and if I have my own family, I’ll do things differently.
Only realised we’re not that eotional when I started dating. My family just aren’t very touchy-feely people. My dad would make an effort to hug us sometimes but it clearly just didn’t come naturally to him. Never ever felt unloved or anything because of it, it’s just not the way we show love. We were pretty cuddly with our cats though.
Then had an ex who was super touchy-feely and it felt awful. I’ve now had to learn to be more touchy-feely and say “I love you” a lot and kiss and hug my partner a lot. I do like it, but it is a learning curve.
Emotionally distant. Only my brother was close to me. Rest were just hovering around most of the time.
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We all stopped saying “I love you” before I was a tween. Idk why, I just stopped saying it even though my parents would say it.
I don’t think I’ve ever hugged any of my 4 siblings ever. Even though we’re close and my two younger siblings are my best friends. We’re just not that type 🤷🏻♀️ I grew up hating being expected to hug random family members and strangers. And I still hate that every female acquaintance I have feels the need to hug hello and goodbye 😭
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They weren’t. At all.
Not very, and they try to overcompensate now that I’m older, and it feels awkward. My mom was a big fan of the silent treatment.
These days I can be the cuddly person I always wanted to be with my partner and it’s so healing.
Huge emotional distance. I was never able to properly express myself. Never felt safe. It was such a toxic house.
Very young I remember my dad constantly making fun of my mom for just small things. So much so, she would literally lock herself in the bedroom and cry because how bad the bullying from him was. Then it was almost like me & my mom VS my sibling & my dad. Like pitting two teams against each other.
Then just yelling or berating for dumb shit. Doing any sort of small thing wrong, eating the last of something, or throwing something out that was expired, was cause for yelling and berating. Constantly.
Then my dad was gone for months at a time for work. Which left my mom alone to parent my sibling, well they were really rebellious and my mom just didn’t have it in her at all to properly parent my sibling. Then she should come to ME for advise. I was a 10 year old kid who obviously had zero parenting skills, my mom should never had tried to come to me to fill an adult role. But thats the role I had to take. The non problem child, never could act out, I didn’t have the choice. Nobody would be there for me. I felt perpetually alone all the time. I realized young that I could never depend on my parents or anyone for that matter. I had to do life alone. I would dream about having a loving family, having a loving home that I could actually feel safe in… That was a very very far dream from what reality was. I was 11-12 and wanted my own home so badly. I hated living there. It just felt like constant survival mode.
There was just no respect at all, both ways. My parents never respected us, our boundaries, our personal spaces, who we were as people, etc. And we obviously didn’t respect them at all.
I hated being a kid so much because of the home my parents created. The incredibly toxic environment. Total emotional neglect. Neither parent was updated with what was going on in my life, neither cared who my friends are, if I even made the honor role. There was no celebrating any wins. Nothing.
As an adult I still have so many issues from this. Like, its hard for me to be myself, its hard for me to talk about myself, hard for me to feel valid at all. Its hard for me to form relationships with people who actually give a shit with what I have to say. I’m also incredibly hard on myself, its hard for me to feel proud of myself unless its something big. I’m never enough just as I am. Its hard.
Yeah, I fucking hated my child hood. My parents should have never had kids.
Not at all 🥲