okay so in short i give guys love and care and every time they just seem to love me less the more i give them. i’m a people pleaser so this is hard for me but is this my fault or my taste in men or are all men like this im so confused why these men want me so bad one day and then the next don’t?
Why do guys only like the idea of me? Is this my fault??
r/Advice
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Maybe everyone just thinks different idk I’m not the type of guy to just throw away a relationship… though I mostly get dumped lol
Simple you aren’t that attractive. I know it sounds mean but think of it this way. There are a ton of girls who look good on the outside but are ugly on the inside and they can maintain a relationship. Actually they got more than 5 guys waiting for them to break up so they’re good. You seem like they dropped down and lowered their “standards” and they come to find out you’re a people pleaser and have low self esteem. Not good. You aren’t just at a disadvantage, you’re lowering your own vibrations to please people who aren’t that into you. In hindsight you’re lowering your own value. Not only because you care what they think but you’ll do anything to please these people who don’t care about you. You’ve seen nothing. Not the way they talk about you, not the way they treat you, or the way they see you. You must take care of yourself. Isolate! Do whatever it takes to build that fight within YOU! Once you find yourself then you MIGHT come across someone who loves and cares for who you are and willing to reciprocate. But til then it’s not worth beating up yourself to find worth in yourself from other people.
A people pleaser is surprised everyone takes her for granted then blames others for it.
If you had to be honest, you know women also take advantage of you. Get therapy, learn how to put your foot down, set boundaries and say No!
It’s luck of the draw, sadly. Presumably we’re not talking about hundreds of guys, so you’re working with a fairly small sample size. Won’t be your fault, because how are you responsible for other people’s choices? And no, not all men are like this, just as all women aren’t any kind of way.
Some men want what they can’t have, or are more interested in the chase, rather than actually being in a relationship. Flirting/dating/”conquest” is fun for them, but the day to day reality of a relationship isn’t, so they check out. Your taste in men might play a part here, but not necessarily. You can’t always trust that them wanting you short term will translate to long term interest. And sadly the amount of love and care you give someone isn’t always reciprocated. You can’t keep someone interested who just…isn’t, for whatever reason. Try not to get too invested too quickly. Take it slow and make sure you’re both on the same page as you move forwards.
You’re afraid to voice your needs. You’re afraid to walk away. I am, too. But when we behave like this, people take advantage of it. They realize that no matter the disrespect, you’ll always be there, so they no longer care about respecting you.
Make sure you have some boundaries. Make sure you voice your needs. Be ready to walk away. Be okay with walking away. A lot of people aren’t actually worth your time. Focus on living your best life rather than focusing on keeping someone else happy. You’re forgetting who you are and what makes you shine when you do that, and all that’s left is a nervous wreck begging someone else not to leave in one way or another. The you they met at the start is gone. Find yourself again and keep that person present, and you’ll find that with that self respect present, you can find more people who do respect you, and walk away from those that don’t.
Girl they’re in love with the version of you that makes them feel good, not the real you with needs and feelings. It’s not your fault, your kindness just exposes how emotionally lazy they are. Time to raise your standards.
Gosh. This resonates so much with me when I was in my 20’s! Exactly the same and I have found myself wondering exactly the same. Now I’m 40 years old and I know that I am who I am, when I love I give it all and is ok. I learned to put boundaries, to don’t let people disrespect me, I learned to love myself and give it all for myself first and that if someone doesn’t like the way I love that person is just not for me. I don’t know if this helps but this was the way for me.
Edit to say that I found love many times, I found myself choosing to be single other times cause I was happy that way and now I am married to a wonderful man who gives it all to make me happy the same way I do for him.
You’re not wrong for being caring or loving deeply, but it’s important to recognize that love without boundaries often attracts the wrong people. Some guys fall for the version of you that gives endlessly, but once they realize you have needs too, they pull away because they were never in it for the real connection. It’s not your fault, but it’s a pattern you can break. Start small: set boundaries, communicate your needs early, and pay attention to how someone responds when you stop over-giving. The right person will meet you halfway, not just take what you offer without giving back.