My MIL won’t stop sending my husband property listings for houses and lots near her place. It’s so obvious she just wants to be closer to our kids, but it’s starting to feel pushy and intrusive.
She keeps saying it’s better to raise a baby in the country — and while I agree with that in general, I can’t shake the feeling she’s trying to manipulate us into moving closer so she can see my little one every single day.
My husband, on the other hand, has happily shown me the listings and I just know he agrees with his mom a lot about this. He says she means well, but I feel like it crosses a boundary when it’s constant and unsolicited.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of situation?
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Are you planning to move or is this completely random? If you are planning to move generally, then I don’t think this is all that weird unless you’ve already picked a town or area and she is ignoring that. Plus it sounds like your husband may have encouraged her on his own to think this is welcome or helpful. If completely random, well, yes it is manipulative but not just from her. If you’ve not even decided to move in general, then it reads like your husband and his mom are trying to wear you down with repeated listings over time. Like they are treating it as a decision that was already made to force your hand.
Are you looking into moving ?
My mom does this! And it sucks because we do want to eventually move to where they are but also don’t need the unnecessary pressure. Like we get it, you would like us there. On the other hand my MIL would be devastated if we moved again… we just bought a house on the other side of a small town from them. They’re close but don’t drop in randomly. My jnmom is SO JEALOUS
Have you set a boundary with her about this or are you bothered because she’s influencing your husband into wanting to move closer to her ?
If it’s the latter your issues are with him. He’s the person you need to set a boundary with which is we won’t be moving near your family and I don’t want to hear about it.
You need to be straight with your husband on what you want. He needs to choose you or MIL. He can’t have both, and you and your children need to be priority.
It IS pushy and intrusive, and annoying as fuck…
My MIL does the same and keeps saying that us moving closer to her is the “one thing that would make her life complete” 🤮
That we should think of our child (I’m pregnant) and move near them, how good it would be to raise him there instead of anywhere else etc.
We have told her several times that we don’t want to live in that area, that it’s not for us and we won’t thrive there…
She already knows that we are looking in the opposite direction since we like these areas more, and our plan is to buy a house 20-30 minutes away from the city we currently live in, in 4-5 years or so when we can afford it.
We live 30 minutes away from them now, so it will only be 50-60 minutes when we move. Every time she mentions us moving closer, I get more and more stubborn about us moving further away from her.
You should tell your MIL (and your husband, separately of course) that every time she sends you listings or mentions you moving closer to her, you will add a mile or so in the opposite direction. That you will end up living hours away from her if she keeps doing this.
You might be under reacting in this situation. Your husband and your MIL are conspiring to move you closer to her. You need to have a clear conceit your husband that you will not assist in purchasing or moving to a house that he is attempting to buy…at his mother’s request.
Big red flags flying here, OP.
My BIL bought the land and built a house directly next to MIL. On numerous occasions she’s said she wishes that us and SIL would buy the land/houses on the other side and we’d all live next to each other. I said not happening. So now whenever she brings it up she throws in a but OP would hate that wouldn’t you? with a pouty face and I just smile and say YUP!
So I think you have two problems: one is obviously your MIL being pushy, but the other is your husband kind of agrees with her and the two of you are not talking about that.
Have you told him straight up that you do not want to move to the country (or at least to the area where his mom lives)?
Have you talked about how she clearly misses the grandkid, and would the two of you be comfortable making more visits happen? (And that means your SO making them happen, not you, btw.)
Also I have to disagree with you that it’s necessarily better to raise a child in the country. There are pros and cons like anywhere.
Totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s one thing to suggest once or twice, but constant pressure—especially when it’s clearly more about her than what’s best for your family—is exhausting. It’s not just about a house; it’s about control and access. Trust your gut. Maybe it’s time to have a clear boundary conversation with your husband about how involved she should be in decisions that affect your home and future.
Well, there is a stop. You can refuse to sign any mortgage or lease agreement.
It is manipulative and controlling as she is going to her son and not sending it to both of you. MIL probably thinks she has a better chance of selling her idea to her son and then you’ll basically agree to what he says.
I’d be dismissive and show no interest in the houses he shows you that came from her. I’d also ask if she is being helpful then why is she sending it to you only. Actually I would ask why is MIL involving herself in this fullstop and why are you allowing her to interfere?
You’re upset bc your husband doesn’t shut it down and is instead actually considering the idea. I would focus on what’s within your control in the situation and worst case scenario come up with a back up plan in case your husband really presses the issue and only chooses houses in that area. You can’t exactly stop her from sending homes, even if you blocked her your husband wouldn’t, so…
I think you need to talk to your husband. Yes MIL is being pushy, but there seems to be an elephant in the room between you and your husband. Tell him you’re annoyed with his mother’s pushiness about the subject because she should have no involvement if you guys move and where, but he needs to be honest if he does want to move. If he says yes, you need to tell him he should be discussing this with you not his mommy and that you both as husband and wife need to look into a location that you both want to live in. And that close to MIL is off the table. This isn’t going to get better without a discussion with one or both of them.