I hope this is the right place for this.
Just like the title says. I walked in on him and he was very, very embarrassed. I’ve told him multiple times over it doesn’t bother me and that it’s a totally normal thing to do even when you’re in a committed, loving relationship. His ex-wife shamed him A LOT for it and he struggles with that and I don’t know how to get through to him that 1) it didn’t bother me at all whatsoever and 2) it’s a completely normal thing to do and he shouldn’t feel ashamed about doing it. I love him so much and I just want him to know he can feel safe with me. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help him?
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other than talking about it together? therapy might help .
Just try to talk to him, maybe get him in a more comfortable environment. Therapy is also a good idea, especially if there’s past trauma from previous relationships
His ex wife has a lot to answer for. People that are so controlling that they micromanage how you masturbate are disgusting and damaging individuals, and your husband is lucky to have an understanding adult in his life now.
You’ve said all you can say, and if you’ve got your point across, hammering at it is only going to get awkward. If this is still not enough for him to feel safe doing what everyone does, he should probably speak to a therapist, as it is at that point, well beyond your pay grade.
My wife’s younger sister accidently caught me. Yes, I was embarrassed about it but she made me feel better by saying nothing is wrong about doing that.
Join him next time. Turn his shame into foreplay
If you really want him to feel better about it – tell him you want to watch. Or join in side by side. Let him know you’re more than ok with it- you like it.
And ?
Bit rude of you to barge in on him , do you do that when he takes a dump ?
Join him next time
What is ‘making it’?
How about talking to him, sometimes being with him, not taking part in it, but just sitting with him, letting him “making it” infront of you?
I for real just walk in and notice he’s jorkin it.
Then I go “oh you’re Jorkin it” and then I go. Sometimes I say “beat that shmeat”.
I just try to make it as “not a big deal as possible” bc it really isn’t a big deal, he’s just doing a natural dude thing.
And I have stepped in when it was an actual issue (all the time, no physical sex, insecurity on my end); but it’s REALLY usually a misunderstanding or overindulgence.
Women do the same thing, we can just be stupid subtle about it.
Keep doing what you’re doing. Reassure him now and each time you catch him in the future, keep reassuring. He’ll catch on eventually that it’s not an issue for you.
I understand stand how he feels. My wife and girlfriend have both walked in on me a few times. My wife will take over and or be encouraging. My girlfriend will start playing with herself in front of me. Both work, ultimately you are doing what you can by normalizing it. His ex did a number on him.
Tell him it’s ok to keep the door open and to let you know when he is going to do it.
Do it for him
Next time you get intimate have him do it in front of you while you do it to yourself in front of him.
Give him a blow job, incorporate his masturbation into the act job done
Not to late. Go sit on his lap today
Jump in bed with him for mutual session
Literally just offer help, or ask if he could use some real life visual inputs. Suggest you find it hot and makes you wanna do the same (if it does).
That should dispel the stigma/shaming.
A few suggestions for initiating a conversation/showing him you’re okay with it.
He might enjoy walking in on you “making it”. Demonstrate that acceptance for him. You could take it further and ask him to join you or tell him how you keep thinking about him “making it”. Be as graphic as you like.
He also might enjoy you initiating sex by telling him you keep thinking about him “making it” and wanted to know if he’d be open to you coming in to help him. Tell him that you wished you’d had the time to join him or offer a handjob the last time you found him “making it”. You could even ask him if he has a fantasy he wants to act out. Showing an interest in acting out his fantasies can be a fun bonding experience for you both.
If you have an insecurity or a sexual fantasy you’ve wanted to act on but haven’t had the courage, this is also a great opportunity to be honest. Tell him that you don’t want him to feel badly about it. Something along the lines of:
just as he cares for your sexual needs, you care about his. That you want to show him that it’s okay to “make it” by trusting him enough to share x, y, z.
And then share that desire with him. Give him a chance to be your sexy man fulfilling your needs.
Good luck and best wishes for you both!
Tell him how lucky he his for having someone that won’t shame him. Many of us aren’t lucky and live in fear like this man.
You could try mutual or have him watch you 🤷♂️
Try watching it with him or helping him or even making it a mutual experience, get him to see your comfortable with it through direct action
Initiate.
Dig into the shame.
Wear something really sexy and don’t let him touch you. Watch. Talk dirty. When he’s done, kiss him on the forehead and tell him he’s a good boy.
Join him or have him catch you a couple of times.
Tell him how hot it is and how it turns you on, ask if you could watch sometimes (only if you actually do) and ask if you can lend a hand, tell him how it makes you feel…and this is key: give him some spank material or you, even if it’s just a flirty text.
Ask him if he needs some help next time! 🙂