This is going to be long, and probably kind of scatterbrained because my world was just up-ended.
My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years, and just celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary. His oldest brother and SIL have two daughters, we’ll call them Shelby and Carly. Shelby is older than Carly by 3.5 years. When my husband and I got together, she was 5 (almost 6). I’ve watched these girls grown up and love(d) them. My husband and I also have two sons, we’ll call them Wyatt and Elliot. Wyatt is older than Elliot by just under two years, he’ll be 11 in October.
Wyatt is my soft-spoken, tenderhearted, loving baby. A couple years ago I started noticing that he was angry or frustrated a lot of the time and I thought that it was a combination of little brother annoying the shit out of him and learned behavior from me (i was constantly overstimulated for awhile while I was going through nursing school, then a lot of really shitty things happened in life after covid.) Life has gone on, he hasn’t really changed. Not with sitting down and discussing feelings, not with extracurricular activities to get energy out, and I was beginning to suspect ADHD (still am, honestly). Tonight, after I tucked him in, he came back out in the living room and told me that he needed to talk to me about a dream he had. He was upset, and told me that he thinks he has had sex. I was (naturally) taken aback and told him that it was a dream and it was okay, he wasn’t in trouble and I wasn’t sure why he was so upset. I thought he had a guilty conscience, and I was trying to help him understand that it’s normal and that’s not something to be ashamed of. (I grew up in church and anything even remotely sexual was demonized to the point that if I thought about sex I felt guilty)
Then, he cried harder. I realized that there’s no way a dream should have him this upset, and asked him if it was a person he knew from school in this dream. He said no. I asked if it was a family member, and he said yes. My stomach flipped immediately, because I was molstd by someone in my church when I was 8 and something in me just..felt it.
He ended up telling me that it was Shelby, but it was a long time ago. I asked him how long ago the dream was, and then he admitted what I already knew. He said “I dreamed it again a couple days ago, but it wasn’t really a dream. It’s a memory from a long time ago.” and he fell apart. My 10 year old baby fell apart. He said that it “wasn’t really sex, but they both touched each other”. I asked him how long ago this happened, and he said it was when he was 5 or 6 and happened at their grandma and grandpa’s house. He shut down after that and I told him it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed, and that we didn’t have to talk about it anymore tonight. He went to bed, but told me he feels better now that he talked about it.
Relevant information- Shelby had her phone and all social media taken away from her at 13/14 years old. Her mom went through it and found out she had added a TON of guys on Snapchat pretending to be older and was sending nudes, and her mom found a tinder account where she had been messaging adult men as well. She’s been hypersxual for a long time, so it really doesn’t seem like a reach that at 12 years old, she made my son touch her and she touched him.
Now, I need advice. Obviously, the next step is talking to a professional (a psychiatrist, hopefully.) But, I need to know what to expect. I’m sure they’re mandated reporters. Are they going to contact CPS? I know that this is going to blow up our family if/when it gets out, and my husband is ready to go no contact with anyone who doesn’t believe my son or tries to downplay this. Will CPS contact her since she just turned 18? Are they going to pursue charges? I’m spiraling, I can’t get my thoughts together, and my heart is just so fucking broken for my baby. Please tell me what to do.
Comments
This is devastating. I’m so sorry for your son.
Talk to your husband.
Take your son to a professional therapist trained in dealing with this. Be very careful in your wording with why you are taking him. There is nothing wrong with him. He did nothing wrong. But this is a serious matter so we’re going to someone who has talked with other people who have gone through similar circumstances to see if he has any advice.
This type of case is one that most states require mandatory reporting to CPS. There should be an investigation and she and her parents should be contacted, along with your in-laws. There will likely be no prosecution due to among other things lack of evidence, unless she confesses. Do not let the police talk to your son without a therapist present. (Maybe lawyer too.)
Go to the legal _advice subreddit for more information about what is likely to happen at that point.
Your husband will need to handle the family fallout. But the most important thing is to protect your son.
Good luck.
I can’t give you any advice, as this is beyond my scope.
But I read through your whole post and just wanted to say I wish you, your boys and your husband all the best.
I hope you guys can find comfort with each other through this. ❤️
I’m not really sure a psychiatrist is the answer, perhaps a psychologist or a therapist. What an awful situation to be in. One I have always feared.
I don’t know what to do but this is just so devastating and I just wanted to offer my condolences to your son and your family. This is absolutely terrible, but you will get through it. Finally you can help your son work through the trauma and recover, now that you know what he’s been struggling with. It will be okay, I promise. You’re a great mom, I’m so sorry.
You’re a good mom. Thank you for believing your son and getting him help. I have no advice other than put him in therapy (which you are going to do). Good luck.
Damn, yall doing THIS now? Def time to layoff all the AI porn.. or porn in general if this is remotely true…