I’ve seen this a lot specifically on Reddit there are guys that go 15+ years without romance or sex and I just wonder how? Like does it become less desirable over time?
Do you just pretend not to care? Do you get angry or scared? Is there a possible reason why? Just so many questions.
Edit: i think the “how” part of the question is coming off the wrong way it’s more like a “how do you handle it” not a “how did this happen”. Apologies for the misunderstanding. I promise I’m not trying to insult anyone I just wanted to hear that perspective instead of just assuming this is how that specific group of people feel.
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I’ve seen this a lot specifically on Reddit there are guys that go 15+ years without romance or sex and I just wonder how? Like does it become less desirable over time?
Do you just pretend not to care? Do you get angry or scared? Is there a possible reason why? Just so many questions.
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The anxiety I get from a relationship makes it not really worth it.
54 here. Never dated or been kissed.
Thats like asking how can people with a chronic condition still keep on living.
For some people, they decide to stop living.
What choice do we have?
I see sex as a sacred connection between two people and every time you have a different partner you’re giving that person a piece of you—-I think people with high body counts eventually have a hard time with developing a stable intimate long term connection with someone.
But I agree with another comment. You accept it to not let it get to you.
The same way I go without a private jet. Nobody is offering any for free.
I’m tired of trying to get into a relationship to only end up in a crazy situationship. And nowadays, it’s difficult to meet someone, or expensive to try. Most of my friends are married now, so I hang out a lot with couples and I enjoy my friend’s company. Where is the time and place to meet someone new?
Could be a lot of factors. Money, health, fitness, social skill, ego, depression, low self-esteem, and just plain Ole making excuses.
No one could possibly want me so why bother 😄
It’s not by choice lol
Being single and lonely is better than being intimate with a woman you’re not attracted to. I can’t attract the kinds of women I want to be intimate with so I choose to go without intimacy. I literally prefer jacking off to the idea of an attractive woman than going through the effort required to get intimate with a woman I’m not attracted to. At least jacking off is cheap and easy.
For awhile there’s this desperate yearning for something in your life that lasts for years, and then one day that part of you just sort of dies. Then you just sort of look forward to other things to keep going.
8+ years for me. Can’t be arsed with all the drama that comes with it.
You know that advice you sometimes hear, “stop looking and it will find you”? Well I stopped looking (or worrying about it, just left it to fate basically), and it never found me.
It is what it is
I don’t know about 15 years, but I barely survived 2 years without being hugged. I had a really shitty job with awful work hours and zero social contact outside of work. Been close to two decades and I don’t feel like I have recovered from it.
There’s a whole fucking group of people who have made this aspect of life their entire personality and they’ve ruined the Internet. Go ask them.
Do you think people are doing this by choice??? Lmfao what a weird question. No one wants to fuck them, that’s it
I had an angry stage when I was around 19. It’s since gone away. I’m 27 now and just chill. Social anxiety and depression are my reasons. It’s just something that you deal with, like back pain. You wish it wasn’t there, but it is and so you become accustomed to it and it doesn’t feel as bad.
I’m 42 and I haven’t dated in a loong time. I miss it, but at the same time, my past relationship made me realize that I enjoy my freedom of being single too. So both situations are good, therefore I have no desire to change. If I meet someone by chance, great, but I’m not going out of my way to find dates.
👊
After decades you just don’t miss it anymore. I think I fear it more than I desire it nowadays.
Lemme just strap on my sex helmet, get into my sex cannon, and shoot off into sex land.
When my wife’s parents passed away she wasn’t in the mood for anything sexual for a few months. The first few weeks were miserable but then my sex drive started to diminish. Eventually it just became normal and I didn’t really think about sex that much. I think our bodies have a way of coping with new normals pretty quickly.
We have to put a lot of effort into it and get rejected quite often. When I stopped putting effort nothing happened for over two years. I’m tall, in shape, with money, I’m funny, and I’m flirty. I took that advice of “it’ll find me” and it didn’t. I had to put in the conscious effort if I want it to happen
We were told to not expect it, to be stoic, to just “be a man”. This is probably causing all the wild issues with young men in society today. Blaming women for “not wanting to be with me” rather than self reflection and empathy for others.
Honesty the way I look at it is I lost my virginity at 17 so for 17 years my life was just fine without it, if I had to go 17 more years with nothing then I know I can do it. I think men who “need” to have sex are just hyping themselves up for really no reason. It’s nice to fuck and it feels good and it’s awesome to have a partner you can go through life with, but you will survive without those two things for the rest of your life if you had to. It’s really a mind over matter thing, find someone you actually care about and like being around and if that takes you 10-20 years to do then so be it.
Life passes by all too fast when you are too busy taking care of other stuff.
I got divorced at 26, now 50. I worked a schedule off and on away from home gone half the year. So when I was home I had my kid with me the entire time I was off, so absolutely zero time for a social life and dating. My ex had another kid with the guy she cheated on me with and he dipped a few years after that kid was born. The ex was having a rough time with one kid on her own then added another to the mix that was not mine. Because I wasn’t living with any social life at the time I decided to offer taking her other kid to ease her burden but more importantly to me was having the younger kid be with her older sibling. I thought that was the best thing to do at the time as I could tell my ex’s mental health was taking a steep nose dive and I didn’t want that to affect my sons life while I was away from home. It worked out well for the kids. Then, my ex hit a wall, drugs and alcohol really started to take her into a dark place and it was becoming too dangerous for the kids to be with her. Fortunately she asked if I would take both kids full time as she could not be a parent. I accepted, but that screwed my life up more as I had no one to take care of my kids while I was away for two weeks at a time. So I had to sell a house that I had just bought and move three hours away and move in with my mom, that really put another damper on my social life because I had to take raise two kids and take care of my mother as her health started to decline when I moved in with her. That’s how 20 years just passed me by like the blink of an eye. Single from 26 to 50.
So now I am just in a weird place in life where my am perfectly fine being alone, yet if I date I will date with purpose and intention. But with age and the small town I am in, healthy people my age are hard to come by. Too many people get jaded or just don’t grow up, it’s 50/50. Then there is the burning question on why I am single and how fucked up I must be at 50 to still be single. It’s an unspoken stigma I’m sure I get judged on because of how others view people and their relationship status or lack there of.
I prioritized my kids first and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.
>I just wonder how?
It takes two to tango, as they say.
Because, there’s more to life than just a 6 minute deed..
I’ve gone 3 years now since my divorce but throughout that time, I’ve taken up golf seriously dropping my handicap from 30 to 10, which is no easy feat.
I’ve found God and improved on my spirituality tremendously.
I’ve got closer and improved my relationships with the people that actually matter.
I’ve levelled up on my career, income and net worth.
I’ve spent time working on my fitness and health, improving my looks.
Don’t get me wrong, women still find me attractive and probably even more so now. My ex wife constantly asks about who’s my girlfriend or what I’m up to late at night.
The short answer is I’m sleeping peacefully. Thinking about golf in the morning, gym in the afternoon and some steaks in the evening.
I ain’t got time for any woman, she’s gotta blow my mind in all ways imaginable. And I might be very close to that, with a girl I’ve been talking for a few months now but only recently started dating seriously.
She may be the one after tragic heartbreak of a divorce, I don’t know yet . What I do know is I’ll be just fine with or without her company. My life is wonderful and honestly, im doing well being a single dude.
Like my ex wife said to me as she was leaving to hop onto random penis, life is more than just sex . I guess I took her word for it for the past three years and I wholeheartedly agree with her final words to me. Life is more than just sex.
The existence of romance in recreational fiction should be proof enough that “physical intimacy becoming less desirable over time” is tripe.
I’ve given up on it for now, as I’m sure many others also have. It’s a nice dream, but everyone is just trying to make it out here and that’s getting harder by the day.
Would I like it? I think I would, but it’d take me a while to recognize it at this point even if I got it. Do I get angry or scared, no; this is the reality. I wonder how those not numbed to emotions make it through the week in times such as these.
Having a low sex drive and finding most women physically and/or emotionally unattractive usually helps.
You just keep on keeping on. Having something like God or friends to lean on helps. Keeping busy with work, professional orgs, volunteering. Things that get you out of your own head. The danger is when you’re home alone. Most times nothing happens, but then every once in a while it’ll just hit you.
I think it’s been 12 years for me? Years of getting over a breakup then when I was over it I was just too busy to date. Working full-time and going to night school for a master’s and law degree made that idea untenable. There’s only so much of you to go around. And then I finished all of that and discovered the women around who would be in my age-range and actually would be good to date/marry got off the market in their early 20s. The rest left for greener pastures. I could move but I don’t so not much point in complaining. And so you just keep on keeping on. You lean on God, friends, work. You keep an eye out for opportunities to meet women. You go on dates that go nowhere every once in a while. Trying is better than just giving up without a fight.
completely lost all desire to try and prove myself to anyone.
Do you have a rubber toy or Fleshlight to at least take care of the urges or avoid wet dreams at middle-age?
You get used to it.
This is an eye opening thread. My longest dry spell since 19 was about a year. Goodluck to my brothers out there. 🙏. I hope yall achieve greatness during your times of abstinence.
Women tend towards getting more attention than they want, men tend towards none.
Being bullied for your looks long enough that you lose all interest in human relationships of all kind, and having a naturally antisocial personality help with that. The issue is that having a very high sex drive is annoying, but also there is a lot of free porn on the internet.
I mean I do masturbate but also it just seems exhausting to find a partner you can trust and you can be comfortable around. Loneliness is preferable to letting someone I find I actually hate close to me, also I’ve always felt emotionally muted and I don’t express well so it’s hard to connect with people
Don’t ask me how I did it, I just did it, it was hard.
The amount of ‘work’ required is insane if you have any sort of standards. My energy and time is better spent elsewhere, until it doesn’t require as much work.
I simply don’t want to.
To add to this, every ‘flaw’ you have makes it exponentially more difficult to date/get laid. I’m slightly above average looking but I’m neurodivergent, poor, living with family… the list goes on. We all have our flaws, some big and some small.
We’re competing with neurotypicals who have had solid upbringings, have stable careers/money and can hit the gym 6 days a week. At the end of the day it is a form of competition and you can choose to not compete 🙂
I suppose you’re only asking straight men.
I don’t know any man who has sex with men who has gone without sex against their will. Everyone is somebody’s type when it comes to men.
Your options are deal with it or deal with it so there’s that. Guys that are going years/decades without intimacy either masturbate a lot or just don’t fulfill their needs for intimacy
This is sad
Well, some of us don’t have much of a choice.
Depression, anhedonia, lack of self worth, just quit my dead end job to pursue education and a career but am currently unemployed and therefore must live frugally, and I live in an area where it seems most people who share similar views as me are either ±15 years different than myself
My brother was on heroin for a while. He didn’t have sex for 6 years and had to have testosterone shots to start again.
you have to deal with what life throws at you. i had a relationship in my late 20s. she was great. it was great. until it wasn’t and we grew up a little more. now, i haven’t stumbled upon someone i can have that close connection with since. handfuls of flings and first dates but now they’re becoming more spread out. so time keeps going and meeting someone new doesn’t get easier. being an introvert doesn’t help either. we’re comfortable being solo until that potential person is right in front of our face which may or may not happen
Just jack off bro
35 years virgin. Cant really cry over what you never had in the first place.
Some of us don’t have any other option I guess. I’m a failure when it comes to relationships and I refuse to pay for it.
You just get used to it.
At some point in the marriage LTR(or dating) Olympics of bullshit, the Juice just isn’t worth the squeeze for scraps. Stepping out or hiring a professional is a minefield of it’s own. And/or hand is more attentive, caring and convenient sexual partner.
It becomes something annoying and sad in your life you’re gonna fix later.
No, it doesn’t really become less desirable over time.
If I knew how to change it without prostitution I would do so. But approaching women for intimacy is anxiety inducing.. and where do I even do that? I don’t like to drink.. and I hate the idea of being that guy who only talks to women for sex.
As I type it out I know it sounds kind of pathetic.. it’s also a hard cycle to get out of.
What would break me out of it? A super hot girl motivating me to go talk to her by being so attractive.. but I know she gets hit on all the time because she’s super hot, so I feel like it would be a waste of time, so I don’t..
Once you lose your trust in humans, it’s gone and not coming back. The needs you thought you had start to look like handicaps. You either accept the situation as it is, or you don’t and suffer the consequences.
As if we have a choice?
what exactly would be the other option for these guys, killing themselves?
Being intimate with a woman, believe it or not, requires a woman.
“pretend not to care” as opposed to complaining about it and being labeled a misogynist?
The amount of intentional ignorance in this question is insulting
It’s not a choice
Is this bait?
They don’t have a choice and don’t want to rape anyone. So there’s not much they can do.
Go somewhere else….
Hit 30s and kinda just stopped caring so much about it. I still care and would like to meet someone some day but I have so many issues and anxieties that need to be ironed out first. I wouldn’t want to trouble anyone with that bullshit.
What do you mean “how”? there is literally no choice given to them.
By taking things into their own hands, “/
Cuz they don’t want to put the work in to fix it
Wife was sick, focus on work, depression, things seemed hopeless but I loved her.
I decided a long time ago that the mental anguish of online dating wasn’t worth it and I only have so much bandwidth for socializing. The constant anxiety of trying to actively date and stuff to not work out…I get its the game but at some point I decided I’d rather bolster my relationships with my close friends instead. And it’s not like I didnt have opportunities for sex – that shit just stressed me out too much with a stranger without feeling safe to be vulnerable in that insecurity I feel there. And there were women I dated over the years but there were circumstances I felt I had to right to push on (one woman was dealing with questioning her sexuality and the other was dealing with trauma from sexual abuse). Sex has always been kinda gravy on top of the emotional connection tho so to each their own.
Sometimes I do get frustrated thinking about what I perceive to have missed out on. I’m 8 years removed from a relationship. 17 years removed from sex. It sucks. I will be honest. But I also think about all the other wonderful things I do have. My wonderful friends, my family, my animals, my health, my hobbies. It was just a different path and yeah seeing all your friends get married while you are always the single one is hard but I’ve learned to cherish being part of those moments. I love that I have people around me who are part of fulfilling relationships and I get to be there to watch them grow and evolve in the most beautiful ways.
Life is what you make of it and its too damn short to have regrets. I make more of an effort to go out and engage in my hobbies in groups these days. Maybe I’ll meet someone that way but honestly I do it because I like it. Meeting someone would just be icing.
It’s our society. I can explain it but it would take too long and piss people off.
It’s not by choice. Women fixate on a subset of successful men and the majority of men barely exist to the majority of women outside of resources and utility.
Many realize there’s other priorities, and that we’ve been LED: by a tax-greedy culture to follow hormonal drives toward lust. I still THINK about it often, but drive my own vessel these days
Something is wrong with me and the doctors have no clue. We found I had low T so I’ve been on weekly injections for 2 years and got the levels on the higher end and still didn’t fix it. I just have zero sex drive. I’ll have random blips of arousal at random times in the day with no real stimuli but they are short and fleeting. Pretty much never even masturbate. I’m 39 so getting older but I never imagined I’d just completely lose any desire for sexual contact.
It just becomes background noise of dull pain.
It really isn’t that big of a deal. You don’t really need it you only think you do.
Depression masks everything
I don’t have experience with 15+ years, but just try not to think about it. Stay occupied
You just can’t do anything about it so you don’t think about it too much.
Masturbation.
Move to Saudi Arabia from the states… 9 months strong.
I’m going on 5 years alone now.
Kinda just thug it out.
It was like 4 years for me in my past relationship after our daughter was conceived. Lots of meat beating.
There were other priorities, and i could satisfy myself physically.
I went over 20 years, mostly dead bedroom. Sex and general affection were non-existant. Started on the wedding night. She dodged sex and accused me of being unreasonable when I expressed that wedding nights for the man are the equivalent of the wedding day for the wife. I had busted my ass and saved 20k to give her her dream outdoor wedding. i didn’t even get laid, let alone a new piece of lingerie, or any effort.
The first 5-7 years I was working a lot, building a business that we both wanted for financial freedom. Chalked the missing sex up to being tired and gone a lot.
Suddenly, everything changed, and sex was back on. She wanted a baby, so decided that sex was back on. She got pregnant, sex and intimacy disappeared again.
At this point, I (again) adressed the issue with her, and she blamed me for being needy, refused counseling, stonewalled. I wanted to leave, but would have been ruined financially, and would have gone to seeing my son a few days a week, which is a reality I couldn’t accept. Spent the next 12 years preparing myself financially, and raising my boys.
Once they were okd enough to choose, I sat ger down and asked her to work on the relationship one last time. She promised, did nothing, and I filed for divorce.
Once the papers were on the table, and she saw the reality she was signing up for if I left, she finally got her shit together, and now 3 years in admits she was a horrible partner, and lied to and neglected me to avoid dealing with her own issues.
I have always loved my wife, and bever wanted to leave, but was willing to once my finances and kids were protected.
I wouldn’t do it again, but my wife has become a great partner now. She also knows in no uncertain terms that if she plays games again I will divorce her ass in a second.
No fault divorce, and ridiculous custody laws have the cards stacked against men in marriages. We stay and suffer because we take commitment seriously, and we will get screwed over in court. There is.no way out for the average guy. If I wasn’t smart, a business owner, and wealthy, i’d still be trapped in a bullshit marriage.
It’s been 17 years for me and it’s been horrible. It has completely destroyed what little confidence and self-esteem I ever had, I believe it has contributed to the anxiety and depressive states I’ve experienced over the years, and being obsessed with women at work knowing that no woman would ever want to date me.
It’s tough, especially when you see couples everywhere.
What use would getting angry or scared have if there is no other alternative? Should we lash out or kill ourselves? That won’t solve a thing either. It’s like with everything in life, one has to learn how to live with hardships in every shape that it comes.
Maybe some people just have a hard time finding someone, or maybe something about me has made me unattractive to every woman I’ve fallen for for the past 14 years, I really have no clue. I wish someone would tell me what is wrong but everyone I talk to about this say they have no clue. I really struggle mentally sometimes, but every time I grow it gets easier. And I can feel that relationship getting closer, weird as it might sound. Or maybe I just feel more attractive as I mature.
We keep calm and carry on. Soldier forward and aspire to more important things.
For a majority of men, getting sex without paying for it, it is a monumental task.
Being charming, fun to be around, reading body language, learning how to escalate…hell, even just maintaining eye contact is a challenge for a lot of guys.
Then there’s the added pressure of actually being good at sex and intimacy. That requires experience, many men don’t have any and many women don’t want an inexperienced guy so what do they do?
This leads them down 3 paths.
I had a really awkward teenage phase, where I wasn’t good locking, while I also distanced myself from Social groups because of mobbing. I also never particularly liked drinking or parties. So in my teens and early 20s I simply didn’t meet many people. There is also a portion of trust and intimacy issues because I find it hard to trust people fully.
Now that I am slowly nearing 30 I kinda feel like its too late. I have no Relationship experience, and no experience with sex. There is now this fear of sex / fear of disapointing my partner. I also feel like having no experience also registers as a huge red flag to potential partners.
I was 21 when I lost it with my gf back then and after I eventually broke up it was almost 5 years before I met my 2nd ex gf. Those 5 years went by due to covid and me being busy in my college and eventually work. And right now I’m single again so no intimacy.
It’s hard for men to get intimacy in general and most men are conditioned to get used to it. Yeah mast*rbation helps but you eventually grow out of that too.
They get married .
Once you realize it’s all just impulses based on instinct, it stops becoming such a “need”
Nah, I’m starved as hell tbh. 25 years old never even kissed. It’s mostly my own decision, because I’ve been spinning my wheels and I’m obese (for now). It’s not that I don’t think I’m worth anything or that I’m a bad person, I just don’t want to hitch my wagon to someone else until I know I can pull my own weight. I wanna be clear, it isn’t a pride thing it’s just I know I wouldn’t date someone like me so I haven’t been going out of my way to find someone and that means nothing is happening.
Things are turning around pretty quickly for me right now though, so I hope to be back on track with my life and healthy in 6 months or so.
More to your point though, I’m extremely touch starved and I literally want nothing more than to just quietly cuddle with someone for hours. Urges are also pretty annoying, but it’s manageable. I said once to my friends “I’ve been single for so long now I think my type is just women.”
Just like pain or sadness though, it’s just an indicator light in my head. As long as I don’t completely ignore it I can just keep plugging along doing the work on my underlying issues.
Diminishing returns on dating and relating, especially when society expects men to accept romantic rejection while it paints women in the same position as victims. It’s simple – I have dozens of other responsibilities to myself and current friends and family. I don’t have time or willpower or patience to deal with a gal who can’t meet me halfway and thinks a relationship is a reward, the best thing that should ever happen to them, freedom from boredom, ordained by a god, the man’s responsibility, etc… The excuses are just as endless as the fantasies.
Because I’m not a rapist and prostitution is illegal in my state.
I don’t understand what you mean?
I handle it because I have to. I’m ugly and I say the wrong things and my interests are stuff women think are pretty lame. So they’re not interested in me. That’s okay! There’s plenty of other things in life that DO interest me.
I should note this doesn’t mean I don’t like….associate with women or something. Lots of platonic female friends. They just aren’t interested in me in that way. Maybe some day it’ll catch up and I’ll feel really bad about it but that’s not me.
I do, sometimes, as I get older think “Huh. You’ll NEVER sleep with a twenty year old” or whatever because that time has passed. But it’s just a brief musing and I move on
Thank god for escorts!
How do we handle it? I play all kinds of games with my close friends, have nerd hobbies, and drink a lot. I also spend every free day I’m able to(which isn’t often, it’s currently a 6 hour drive for me) at the beach, which helps
Widowed since the late 2000s. So just shy of two decades now.
Essentially, the juice is just no longer worth the squeeze. I have a lot less stress and a much calmer life just avoiding all of that and going my own way.
Do I miss sex and intimacy? Sure I do. But at the same time, I have never been able to engage in either without being emotionally invested in the woman, and that benchmark takes a significant relationship investment to reach. I never found a woman who was able to meet me in reaching that benchmark.
Oh, well. I’m happy in my own skin and with my own life, and the same cannot be said about a fair number of men in committed relationships that I see.
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I was single for 8 years before I got with my partner 8 months back. My reason was firstly because I was raising my kids & they were my priority; they are now almost 17 and 19 years old. Second reason is because I found it extremely difficult to trust again after what i went through. My partner is perfect, not a single argument, no doubts or trust issues, wouldn’t change her for the world, she’s amazing.
C’est la vie. Honestly, it’s not that big of a deal / I think it’s something people worry about way too much. From what I understand, long dry spells are becoming pretty common? Life is also pretty busy and there is always a bunch of stuff going on, so I guess I don’t really think about it that much. At the the of the day, intimacy is not a need, it’s just a luxury. Food, shelter, clean drinking water, and probably a few other things I’m currently blanking on are needs. We all think we want things until we get those things, and then realize it wasn’t as important as we initially thought.
October will be four years for me. 100% by choice.
I went through a breakup and moved out from a relationship I thought was endgame. 7-8 months later I tried to open up and met someone new. She played with my heart. Now I just really don’t see the reason in bothering.
Think of it like a diet
You cut something out and you will crave it even worse than when the restriction wasn’t there
But once you get to the other end of that relapse, you just plain don’t crave it any more. And hell, go long enough and it will even start to seem unappealing, even if it sounds nice on a surface level (e.g. if you had a zero sugar diet, you’d quickly notice how sickly sweet everything is when you go back to eating normally. You’ll readjust to it, but it’s a system shock that can be unpleasant once you’ve been conditioned to operate without)
Intimacy has never become desirable. I don’t understand romance, and sex just feels meh. So it’s pretty easy to go years with that, since it’s boring af. (btw: 38M, never been in a couple => I don’t get the point of it, really)
I never realized how much better masterbation is over a relationship over time. Alot less hassle and stress
Its not like its a choice, you also have no control over it as we are told “dont owe you anything”, so dont be surprised if many become very hard, they didnt do it alone it was a team effort, they are not the ones rejecting themselves, constant rejection gets to the point you dont put yourself in a boat when you know you will be rejected.
Anyone can get used to something after a period of time.
There’s no reason, sometimes people have shit luck, give up after multiple tries and move on/focus on things I can control. That’s just life.
You just try to keep busy with other things and hope something finds you along the way. I basically grew up seeing women do nothing but complain about how men are always hitting on them and not leaving them alone, and expressing outright contempt for the thought of a man actively seeking a companion (“that’s being desperate”, “don’t go into hobbies just to look for a partner” and of course the evergreen “just be yourself” etc.). Growing into adulthood my mind was already crippled with fear of seeming like a creep, so I just chose not to pursue. Modern society has little empathy for lonely single men and treats male sexual frustration with ouright hostility, so we just keep our heads down.
The pain of rejection and fear of trusting someone all over > urge for intimacy. It will be 4 years for me in October. Coming out of a relationship where it felt I gave my all for no appreciation back, I haven’t met anyone who deserves my trust or someone who I’m willing to suffer rejection from.
>Like does it become less desirable over time?
Depends on the person, some men on this sub have said a while ago that they’ve tapped out for various reasons, but I’ll speak for myself and say that I would rather stay alone than be with someone that makes life worse. No point being in a miserable relationship with someone who looks at you as nothing more than a wallet, or a backup plan
I feel better blocking out romance from my life. It makes everything easier and I can get casual sex when I want.
I just think a lot of women nowadays aren’t worth the hassle and the ones that are…. Well, I’m not trying to sort through trash to find one.
I’m still married with… Somewhat of a sex life. But yes definitely my libido was insane between 15-35 ish and last few years it’s definitely waned. It used to be painful emotionally or whatever to go a week without, couldn’t tell you why. Now I could go months without and wouldn’t miss it per se, it’s definitely nice when I have it but I don’t have a need a chase it anymore.
It’s just not that big of a deal. Maybe when I was in my 20’s I was often tied up in knots over lack of intimacy and spending a weekend alone was a long depressing ordeal. But I got married and raised two kids, and you get older and things change. The marriage was a disaster and I decided I wasn’t going to do that again, and spending time alone where no one bothers me now feels like a big luxury, no stress at all. I generally do something or other social every day even if it’s just small stuff (I live in a small city and can’t even go to the grocery store without seeing someone I know and having a little chat), but when I’m at home my time is my own, and that’s pretty nice.
I miss the intamacy more than the sex truth be told. I would be fine if my spouse just gave me a hug now and then, held my hand, or just said “I appreciate what you do for us”. Towards the end of our actual sex life she was just not into it and it showed. I really have no interest in having sex with someone who obviously does not want to with me. and before I get the responses on how this is my fault and I should be more helpful around the house, etc. I pay all the bills, cook all the meals, put 3 kids through college with no debt, do laundry, do all the outside work and buy her the new vehicles while I drive a 20+ year old pick up. I used to think that maybe it was me and now I realize that it is her and beating myself up does no good. the only thing that will work is to hit eject and that is what I am in teh process of doing. at 61, it is a bit daunting and there are a lot of moving parts. anyway, that is my story. don’t get married kids!
It is also strange for me. If I don’t have sex for more than two weeks, I feel really tense, agressive and generally unwell. 15 years, my dick would fall off or something..
Once you comprehend, it’s just biology it’s pretty easy. I’ve never had a bad relationship, but after spending a couple of decades with women, the idea that intimacy with them is the solution to anything in life is laughable.
Re your edit. You gave some guys a reason to vent and I think that was a good thing.
Uh? That’s a really weird question you asked. Most days are fine, occasional days the urge to get a girlfriend gets really strong, rarely do I cry about or be actively depressed about it.
in pain first, then acceptance that life sucks and that’s it
I mean, you act like people have a choice
A lot of people just don’t have a choice
You just adapt
I would imagine like with most things, there are phases…like the phases of grief
Anger at the situation, resentment, depression, then acceptance
I also think a lot of people, women included, who deal with a lot of rejection…find it easier to just not try than get rejected over and over and over again
At some point you just have to accept reality for what it is
Having an emotional core of jet black hatred helps.
Less desirable? Absolutely not
We aren’t the gatekeepers of sex, women are
I was a virgin until age 22
it always just seems like it is more trouble than it is worth and I have other things Id rather be doing.
It’s like how do you survive for years on end without being a millionaire.. you just do it, make due and deal with it
Wow, it’s sad to read some of these. 😢
If its not something regular you get, how do you know what you’re missing? Going without just becomes the norm. It feels like answering the question how do you move on… you just sort of do it.
It’s tough, I take it day by day. I am 43 and have never been in a relationship. It’s lonely sometimes being by myself 95% of the time but I cope. I play guitar lots and am in a band. Dating is a challenge because I’m partially disabled and have yet to meet a woman that sees me and not my disability.
I would say I miss sex and intimacy if I had any…. I guess going this long would be a lot harder if I had, right? I have a lot of stuff and a great life, I just have no one to share it with.
It hasn’t been ‘years’ of course, but as stange as it sounds, you just stop caring. As you get older, you also begin to realize there’s so much more exciting things to do in life and focus on than chasing tail; your priorities change – and this is actually when you start to really come into your own and ironically, attract.
For some men, the physical aspect of sex, can be managed through self-pleasure. If they have strong connections that fulfil their emotional needs, then the absence of “sex” might not be a significant issue for them. Essentially, if the emotional void can be filled, then the raw physical void can be as well.
How did it happen? I had a few bad relationships in my teens and early 20s, that put me off dating, so I kind of decided to not put effort into dating or sex in general.
How do I handle it? In my case, I had friends who I spent 90% of my time with, the other 10% was me sleeping or working, if we weren’t outside doing something we were online gaming, so I never really had a moment to sit and think or feel lonely. However, at some point the outside stuff slowly disappeared and the only time we ever socialised was online, be it through text or a voice chat when gaming, we live less than a 5-10 minute walk from one another, but we just don’t put effort into visiting each other any more. Around this time is when I started using porn, after a few years I stopped because I realised it wasn’t the solution to my problem and in fact could make things worse in the long run, and now, the only way to explain my situation is that I’m used to it.
I have considered getting back out there, but I just don’t know, I’m so used to my life the way it is that I don’t know if I could let someone in, or trust that the person I let in won’t ruin the peace that I have.