I have multiple jobs, I have received a full tuition scholarship to the uni I am heading to and I have lots of friends but struggle severely when it comes to having any men be interested in me. I feel like I’m a pretty decent person and have hobbies and I try my best to look good but I can’t get a boyfriend and get no matches on dating apps so my looks are really weighing me down and I dont have much control over them
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Are you fat? If not, makeup and style can be the difference.
Try different style of clothing.
What do you thin makes you ugly?
Will you even have time for a bf?
don’t lower your standards, most guys think the bar is in hell. look i’ve had my fair share of men and most just want to use you and suck the life from you, and not even want to be exclusive. be close with your friends. most the time men Are so shallow. get off the apps bc they are built to be shallow, join clubs or become a regular at a social spot that you enjoy, where u actually talk to people, you sound like a deeply interesting person and you deserve to be treated as such, and you will find them if you put yourself in the right places. all i want is to be treated like a deeply interesting and bright person, that hasn’t happened yet, even with decent looks. all you can control is letting decent people into your life, so do that and keep ur sanity hun. having men being actually attracted to you physically tends to be more of a curse than a blessing. bc suddenly all you become to most men is 2D.
you could try talking to an image consultant they might be able to provide you some guidance… It’s not abnormal for people to get plastic surgery to one degree or another. even relatively pretty women commonly get a nose job for example.
Give yourself time. You’re heading to uni, which is the beginning of a new grand adventure with an infinite number of possibilities for meeting new people and having new experiences. Where you currently are, if the men in your area really aren’t “swiping right” and giving you a chance solely based on such shallow things like having acne or not wearing enough makeup, then please trust me when I say that these are not the men you want to waste time on anyways.
I felt very similarly to you when I was starting college and it weighed me down immensely. My friends are much closer to the current beauty standards and I felt like an ugly duckling all throughout my childhood. Quarantine helped me realize exactly how much time I had wasted agonizing over my looks and comparing myself to others, and to recognize that I’d never get that time back. The most important person you need to love is yourself – once you stop thinking about trying to get male attention and actually start living for yourself, trust me, you finally start to feel whole.
Even if you do get some male attention, your current state of mind will result in you overthinking it and likely drowning in insecurities (does he actually like me or is he faking, he’s bored, etc etc) which is very unhealthy. Men can also often tell when a woman is very insecure about herself/is trying too hard, and it can make you a target for malicious intentions. Life as a woman doesnt start when you finally get a boyfriend, and it won’t miraculously get better once you get one. Disconnect from social media and perhaps talk to a therapist if you have access to one.
Not finding a boyfriend never means someone is ugly. It just means the right person hasn’t come along yet—someone truly deserving of that special spot in your life.
I don’t want to invalidate you in any way, but I used to be considered ugly and then became conventionally attractive, and my experience with men have not changed at all. They are still mean and violent towards me, but in a different way. I have written off men entirely because of this. I often wish they didn’t find me attractive or wish I was lesbian.
I absolutely hate them and I hope that you don’t worry what they think of you. You can look exactly how you do and still expect to find the right person for you, you don’t need to be appealing to the masses of men, it just brings hurt and pain. I’m so serious about that too.
Plus, when you’re a conventionally attractive woman, a lot of people expect you to be stupid or don’t take you seriously at work, which I also find extremely annoying. If I could be considered just normal looking I’d prefer that.
No man will love you until you love yourself first. I’m not pretty (or so I thought) but I bloomed once I valued myself. Took good care of myself inside out. Exercise, studied well, improved my character, and guess what? I met friends who liked my personality and one of those friends became my husband. You’re not ugly, you will bloom in your own season provided you take care and love yourself
As someone who isn’t conventionally attractive, I have personally found the easiest way is to make them focus on your personality. What I lack in appearance I make up in personality, I have a funny humorous personality and I enjoy making people feel good. That’s what attracts people towards me. Appearance is incredibly superficial and over time we lose that beauty and youth so it’s important to find someone who truly likes you for you, not for your appearance.
I’m really curious to see what you look like. I never get hit on but I know I’m good looking because I’ve been hired to places that hire specifically people for their good looks.