While this is something I no longer think about, there have been times I thought my wife was well out of my league. My autism, my teeth that aren’t all straight, my strong glasses that I can’t see without..
However, she loves every bit of me, quite possibly because of the amount of love I have for her and our kid (with another on the way), as well as my my warmth and my calmness. I’m good at staying calm and keeping those around me calm. It brings her peace in our home. She thanks me almost every day for being in her life and for how much care I put into our relationship and with our teen kid.
She has definitely made me a better person, and I still want to be and do better every day for her and our little family. Just writing this out brings me a certain joy, it’s absolutely amazing.
Nothing – This isn’t a wow look at how arrogant this guy is thing, I’m absolutely aware of how lucky I am.
I make her happy, she makes me happy, We have a very stable, very loving relationship and we both put the effort in to keep it that way.
If I thought I didn’t deserve her then I’d be insecure in the relationship because I’d worry that she was going to realise that at some point and who wants to live life that way?
I don’t think highly of myself but I also don’t think there is someone I don’t deserve. My perspective is to be my best self and for her to be her best self. Growth is a lifelong goal. Because of this I reject the “out of league” rhetoric. Love transcends all the facades of looks, money, or power. Shakespeare wrote a sonnet about it.
Nothing. I lied to myself and thought it was many things, but it ended up being that she was just ready for something else, with someone else.
I just wish she would have had the decency to tell me, and not lie to do things behind my back. Accepting that she was lying about so many things is crippling.
Constantly reminding myself not to fall into the same pit as before isn’t something I wanted to remember. There is simply too much. I tried my absolute best, but I have to let it go and understand that she doesn’t want anything about me.
With her record of lying though, do I really believe when she says that I didn’t do anything wrong? She just grew apart from me? I guess I’m odd for believing someone should tell you that, instead of moving on without breaking up.
I guess I’ve changed my answer.
Despite everything that has been put in my head the last few years, and everything that has happened, I know I did my best. I went above and beyond. I chose to look through rose colored glasses so that all of the red flags would just be normal flags.
She got me so good, I have begun to lie to myself.
I don’t deserve her, because I deserve better.
I am not very different from most people. I would say I am pretty average. But nobody should have to experience a desire so intensely, just for their partner to betray and teach them, that the time spent together wasn’t genuine.
I was there for a future with her.
She was here because she wanted attention, I was available, and much too gullible.
I’m not sure how I will ever get over trust issues at this point. I think even if I feel emotionally ok in time, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the patterns I noticed. I can’t be in a relationship just to spend it in pain being paranoid, suspicious, and insecure, because I thought I could try again, but lied to myself.
I now have fears that are harmful for any relationship, especially at the start. I can’t imagine dating someone again. How will I make sure I don’t project worries from a past relationship?
I don’t think this is ever said honestly, in most cases it’s a performative humility to avoid saying the real issue. Unless it’s said as a compliment which aren’t to be scrutinized anyway.
Tl;dr: low self-esteem, warped social ideas and mental health issues in general.
This is no longer the case, but as an adolescent, I thought I was a worm blessed to even exist in the presence of my first gf.
I was an anime fan, and at the time, that was not as common as today. Aside from that, I had little proper hobbies: only gaming, indoor climbing, and playing piano. Shortly before we met, all my school friends failed their classes and had to leave my school. In my class, I was ostracized because of my social awkwardness, my difficult personality and quite frankly also because I often behaved like a dickhead. I was unhappy with myself, both in character and appearance (I was skinny/underweight and thought a proper physique for men had to have abs and well-defined muscles).
Meanwhile, I perceived her to be stunningly beautiful (to others she might have been average looking, but to me, she was exactly my type), she was a sporty and generally well liked. Her family was nice, and she had a healthy relationship with her parents (while I was drawing back from my family because my mother was nosy and like all teenagers, I thought she was annoying. I also had personal beef with my brothers).
We had some common ground (like we both were huge LOTR nerds. We both were anime fans, though neither of us knew the other was, too. We both played the piano and were overwhelmed by our current life.) However, on the whole, I was afraid she would discover my true self, see how much of a depraved outcast I am, and reject me because of how disgusting I am.
I deserve nothing. The only reason I’m not pursuing a piece of the pie is because she’s a coworker and I’m not trying to lose my job – it would be very idiotic to do so.
She’s very pretty. So pretty that you stop and look. And me? I’m just okay, normal, average, maybe a bit on the ugly side. Skinny, nothing to show off. She’s known by all, the kind everyone knows, popular. I’m just an everyday guy with few, normal friends and boring life like I’m stuck in a loop.
What hits me hard is how nice she is. She speaks to me so sweetly, always smiling. She never makes me feel small, even though I often feel that way by myself. And when I’m near her, I just can’t stop watching her. Not just her looks, but her just her.
Yet, I don’t think I’m someone who could be with her. I feel like I’m not good enough for her. She likely doesn’t think of me that way. And really, if something wild happened, like you know hypothetically—like she wanted to be with me—I’m not sure I could say yes, I’ll say no. Not because I don’t want to… but because I’d be scared I’d wreck it all. I don’t want to be the cause of her pain or trouble. I’m a mess, I’ll drag her down, her world is different. Maybe If I become a better version of myself in future.
So yes…maybe in this life, I’ll just like her from afar, her smile, her eyes.
I really do care about her. A lot
Maybe this will go away with time
I catch myself pushing her away whenever things get too good. Like she’ll plan these thoughtful dates and I’ll find some stupid reason to start an argument. It’s like I’m testing how much she’ll put up with and that’s not fair to her at all.
I think I’m a catch and incredible person but with 99% of women it seems they’re looking for a certain consistency or fairy tale romantic ‘forever’ that I just can’t and don’t want to meet. Expectations to only have eyes for her just seem unrealistic to me.
Most women who are beautiful to me seem at a place of wanting to find their forever partner and stop dating whereas I just want to casually date for the fun of it and would prefer never to commit beyond a couple of years. It feels mean of me to pursue any woman who just isn’t looking for the same dynamic as I am.
Catastrophically low self esteem, plenty of drawbacks, nothing to offer but baggage. If I were to lay it all out the way it goes in my head, I would say I’m a fat, stupid, ugly, broke, bleak, boring, crazy, shallow, mediocre manchild with no future except miserable instability and a bad end really young, very likely at my own hands. You can see why I don’t believe anybody should know me, let alone someone get as close and interdependent when they’re fantastic like she is. She deserves better, and it’s several times a week I really mess myself up considering whether or not to break up with her because she deserves better, and because I have reached my ceiling professionally, financially and just as a human being. She deserves to be free.
Twenty years ago, I realized it was because I’m short, ugly, lazy, have a small penis, selfish, cheap, workaholic, don’t want kids, libertarian, tribeless, stubborn, boring, have very high standards, am mostly asexual, and quite happy alone.
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Because I am me
Im skinny
I have a pulse.
While this is something I no longer think about, there have been times I thought my wife was well out of my league. My autism, my teeth that aren’t all straight, my strong glasses that I can’t see without..
However, she loves every bit of me, quite possibly because of the amount of love I have for her and our kid (with another on the way), as well as my my warmth and my calmness. I’m good at staying calm and keeping those around me calm. It brings her peace in our home. She thanks me almost every day for being in her life and for how much care I put into our relationship and with our teen kid.
She has definitely made me a better person, and I still want to be and do better every day for her and our little family. Just writing this out brings me a certain joy, it’s absolutely amazing.
I’m an asocial wierdo
Because I’m a loser according to today’s values.
I don’t deserve anyone at all
Nothing – This isn’t a wow look at how arrogant this guy is thing, I’m absolutely aware of how lucky I am.
I make her happy, she makes me happy, We have a very stable, very loving relationship and we both put the effort in to keep it that way.
If I thought I didn’t deserve her then I’d be insecure in the relationship because I’d worry that she was going to realise that at some point and who wants to live life that way?
I don’t think highly of myself but I also don’t think there is someone I don’t deserve. My perspective is to be my best self and for her to be her best self. Growth is a lifelong goal. Because of this I reject the “out of league” rhetoric. Love transcends all the facades of looks, money, or power. Shakespeare wrote a sonnet about it.
[deleted]
Nothing. I lied to myself and thought it was many things, but it ended up being that she was just ready for something else, with someone else.
I just wish she would have had the decency to tell me, and not lie to do things behind my back. Accepting that she was lying about so many things is crippling.
Constantly reminding myself not to fall into the same pit as before isn’t something I wanted to remember. There is simply too much. I tried my absolute best, but I have to let it go and understand that she doesn’t want anything about me.
With her record of lying though, do I really believe when she says that I didn’t do anything wrong? She just grew apart from me? I guess I’m odd for believing someone should tell you that, instead of moving on without breaking up.
I guess I’ve changed my answer.
Despite everything that has been put in my head the last few years, and everything that has happened, I know I did my best. I went above and beyond. I chose to look through rose colored glasses so that all of the red flags would just be normal flags.
She got me so good, I have begun to lie to myself.
I don’t deserve her, because I deserve better.
I am not very different from most people. I would say I am pretty average. But nobody should have to experience a desire so intensely, just for their partner to betray and teach them, that the time spent together wasn’t genuine.
I was there for a future with her.
She was here because she wanted attention, I was available, and much too gullible.
I’m not sure how I will ever get over trust issues at this point. I think even if I feel emotionally ok in time, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the patterns I noticed. I can’t be in a relationship just to spend it in pain being paranoid, suspicious, and insecure, because I thought I could try again, but lied to myself.
I now have fears that are harmful for any relationship, especially at the start. I can’t imagine dating someone again. How will I make sure I don’t project worries from a past relationship?
My appearance against her beauty.
I did what I always do, some self-sabotage and now it’s too late, she’s taken… not that I’m surprised 🙂
I don’t think this is ever said honestly, in most cases it’s a performative humility to avoid saying the real issue. Unless it’s said as a compliment which aren’t to be scrutinized anyway.
Tl;dr: low self-esteem, warped social ideas and mental health issues in general.
This is no longer the case, but as an adolescent, I thought I was a worm blessed to even exist in the presence of my first gf.
I was an anime fan, and at the time, that was not as common as today. Aside from that, I had little proper hobbies: only gaming, indoor climbing, and playing piano. Shortly before we met, all my school friends failed their classes and had to leave my school. In my class, I was ostracized because of my social awkwardness, my difficult personality and quite frankly also because I often behaved like a dickhead. I was unhappy with myself, both in character and appearance (I was skinny/underweight and thought a proper physique for men had to have abs and well-defined muscles).
Meanwhile, I perceived her to be stunningly beautiful (to others she might have been average looking, but to me, she was exactly my type), she was a sporty and generally well liked. Her family was nice, and she had a healthy relationship with her parents (while I was drawing back from my family because my mother was nosy and like all teenagers, I thought she was annoying. I also had personal beef with my brothers).
We had some common ground (like we both were huge LOTR nerds. We both were anime fans, though neither of us knew the other was, too. We both played the piano and were overwhelmed by our current life.) However, on the whole, I was afraid she would discover my true self, see how much of a depraved outcast I am, and reject me because of how disgusting I am.
She needs a father… for her kid… and uh it ain’t gonna be me lol
I don’t have the time in between school, boxing, job, and learning to cut hair I rarely have time for myself let alone another person
I deserve nothing. The only reason I’m not pursuing a piece of the pie is because she’s a coworker and I’m not trying to lose my job – it would be very idiotic to do so.
[removed]
She’s very pretty. So pretty that you stop and look. And me? I’m just okay, normal, average, maybe a bit on the ugly side. Skinny, nothing to show off. She’s known by all, the kind everyone knows, popular. I’m just an everyday guy with few, normal friends and boring life like I’m stuck in a loop.
What hits me hard is how nice she is. She speaks to me so sweetly, always smiling. She never makes me feel small, even though I often feel that way by myself. And when I’m near her, I just can’t stop watching her. Not just her looks, but her just her.
Yet, I don’t think I’m someone who could be with her. I feel like I’m not good enough for her. She likely doesn’t think of me that way. And really, if something wild happened, like you know hypothetically—like she wanted to be with me—I’m not sure I could say yes, I’ll say no. Not because I don’t want to… but because I’d be scared I’d wreck it all. I don’t want to be the cause of her pain or trouble. I’m a mess, I’ll drag her down, her world is different. Maybe If I become a better version of myself in future.
So yes…maybe in this life, I’ll just like her from afar, her smile, her eyes.
I really do care about her. A lot
Maybe this will go away with time
[deleted]
I catch myself pushing her away whenever things get too good. Like she’ll plan these thoughtful dates and I’ll find some stupid reason to start an argument. It’s like I’m testing how much she’ll put up with and that’s not fair to her at all.
She isn’t attracted to me
I think I’m a catch and incredible person but with 99% of women it seems they’re looking for a certain consistency or fairy tale romantic ‘forever’ that I just can’t and don’t want to meet. Expectations to only have eyes for her just seem unrealistic to me.
Most women who are beautiful to me seem at a place of wanting to find their forever partner and stop dating whereas I just want to casually date for the fun of it and would prefer never to commit beyond a couple of years. It feels mean of me to pursue any woman who just isn’t looking for the same dynamic as I am.
Catastrophically low self esteem, plenty of drawbacks, nothing to offer but baggage. If I were to lay it all out the way it goes in my head, I would say I’m a fat, stupid, ugly, broke, bleak, boring, crazy, shallow, mediocre manchild with no future except miserable instability and a bad end really young, very likely at my own hands. You can see why I don’t believe anybody should know me, let alone someone get as close and interdependent when they’re fantastic like she is. She deserves better, and it’s several times a week I really mess myself up considering whether or not to break up with her because she deserves better, and because I have reached my ceiling professionally, financially and just as a human being. She deserves to be free.
I’ve never thought that. Only thought they don’t deserve me.
Self esteem and years of being told I’m failing at growing up from my parents. Started therapy and finally feel like we are on the same plain
Twenty years ago, I realized it was because I’m short, ugly, lazy, have a small penis, selfish, cheap, workaholic, don’t want kids, libertarian, tribeless, stubborn, boring, have very high standards, am mostly asexual, and quite happy alone.