Never. She always has the ability to break your heart – or in the case of my wife, she’s watched enough episodes of Dateline to get rid of my body and destroy evidence of a crime.
I gave a ride to a lady who looked lost once. She was nice, but later spiked my soda with some drug, I still have no idea what.
I later found myself in a hotel room with her and some other guys wanting to buy large volume pot & coke. I left without trouble, but that chick did not leave me feeling safe.
Ladies who are reflective enough to ask themselves this question and answer based on their experiences.
For example, the guy who defended you when someone attacked you. The one who held you as you balled your eyes out over the loss of a loved one. The one who respected your desires and didn’t argue with you about those desires. The one who remained calm when you were all worked up and simply listened to your fury intently. Mirror things you find to be reassuring and pleasant and cooperative and you’ll have the formula to giving those feelings to someone else.
I don’t like being left by myself around women for similar reasons you see women saying they don’t like being alone around men. I was groomed by 4 different women as a teenager and I had a recent violent abusive ex girlfriend. So it takes a lot for me to feel remotely comfortable alone with a girl. What does make me feel safe is if she’s just relaxed and talking to me like a human. No weird ulterior motives
Your ability to keep your mouth shut when others are egging you on to spill the most intimate tea about me and us.
Here’s the test:
I’m within earshot of my girl when she’s with all her gal pals and they’re 2-3 glasses of wine in each at a late night get together and they’ve forgotten I’m still in the house.
The shit they will talk and the level of granular damn detail they will relay to the group would absolutely make you feel very much in danger.
It is at that moment I will discover what kind of woman you are.
Do you keep confidence of what truly is my deepest insecurity? Or do you gladly serve up my greatest shame on a party platter for a cheap laugh?
Do you join the dogpile on “men bad” with everything I’ve ever done wrong, or do you hold me up as the exception?
Do you go into lurid details about our bedroom activities in order to humblebrag, but in doing so inherently share things I never gave you permission to share about me?
If you are the woman who shows restraint, keeps confidence even when “loosened up”, and takes the opportunity to praise me instead of dogpiling on?
That’s when I know for damn certain I am safe.
When I hear you talk nothing but shit, make me ashamed to ever look those women in the eyes ever again?
I will never feel safe with you ever again.
Every time you pull and tug and try to get me to “open up” and be more vulnerable, and honestly every woman after that – the sound of you and your friends cackling and damn near laying eggs out in the living room, probably peein’ on yourself a little – all at my expense…. that will still echo in my ears.. my heart will slam shut and I will pull away.
Honestly, good question…. I guess once I get to know them well enough?
I was abused by my mother. SAed in middle school by a high school girl. Slapped daily by another middle school girl. Had false SA accusations on me because I broke up with a girl when I was in high school (she was same grade). Then put through unimaginable pain on a daily basis for 3 years straight by my ex wife before she cheated on me and we divorced.
So needless to say, I do NOT feel safe around women in general. I’ve gone through years of therapy and while I’m no longer a sexist POS, I still have trauma with women and have a harder time trusting them than I do men.
Tbh I’m just glad the therapy helped with the sexism.
I always feel safe around a woman. I am unapologetically myself at all times. And I’m a good person, safe to be with. And I think that confidence and safety is felt by them and they feel free to be their own most authentic self, which pretty much always is nurturing and kind
The older and more ugly she is the more safe I feel, because it means she is much less likely to conflate basic courtesy and kindness with being creepy, sexual harassment, etc.
Plus as an ugly man myself they don’t find me to be a threat either.
Yall when he says safe he means emotionally and in non physical ways.
For me it’s about honesty. When a woman is honest we can talk through things and figure out what I need to do or what she does. No secrets. Telling me everything and feeling like she can talk to me about it all and vice versa. But in a physical aspect being held by a woman is one of the best feelings ever. I don’t think there’s a man on earth who feels differently, even if he acts like he doesn’t,
Today my wife and I are celebrating our 26th wedding anniversary.
The number of times I have shown any vulnerability to her I could count on one hand and I wouldn’t even need all five fingers.
The first time I ever showed vulnerability was when I found out my dad had cancer. Her dad died of cancer when she was in college so she understood.
I love her and trust her enough that I feel safe discussing anything or showing any emotion. I just don’t feel it’s necessary unless it is something major.
When I can be completely vulnerable with her without her belittling me for my vulnerability, sharing it with other people without my consent, or weaponizing vulnerability during an argument. Vulnerabilities include my insecurities, mistakes, deepest desires, health issues, and emotional feelings that are not “masculine”.
I feel safe around a woman who understands me and doesn’t judge me when I feel vulnerable. She respects me listens and respects me for being my true authentic self. I had a connection like this and it was beautiful I was vulnerable around her and trusting of her with my tears. She consoled me without hesitation wanting to comfort me and she didn’t judge me for crying she understood and there was empathy,sorrow,concern,and care in her eyes it was a touching profound moment that has left a lasting imprint in my heart forever. This is the type of woman that makes me feel safe and I miss her so the pain of separation due to external circumstances has been hard on me and I miss her very much.
She has a good relationship with her parents.
does not have negative people in her life.
Does not talk about other people in general whether good or bad.
Most women think they want their men to be emotionally vulnerable and safe with them, but then, by no fault of their own, they lose attraction to any man who is really honest about their emotions. If it’s once in a great while, and you react the exact way she thinks is appropriate, she’ll feel closer to you like she got something special out of you. But if it’s more often than that, or it’s not the kind of emotional reaction she thinks is appropriate, she will lose attraction quickly.
Again this isn’t all women, but it’s the vast majority in my experience.
Also when women fight, everything is fair game. They will use your deepest vulnerabilities against you without impunity, even when it doesn’t fit the situation just because it will destroy you emotionally. If you get angry as a result, violent or not, you’re the scary bad guy, because it’s scary when a man gets really angry, and he immediately loses the argument as a result no matter how much he may have been in the right to begin with.
For me to feel emotionally safe around a woman, as fucked up as it sounds, she will have had to have not withdrawn from sex and affection for a month after I have been emotionally vulnerable, and she will have had to have not used my insecurities or vulnerability against me in arguments. There would be an endless list of other indicators leading up to this, and naturally if the indicators were that she’s not that type of person I would naturally slowly open up more and more over time.
No man has ever felt emotionally safe with a woman. We all know that if we expose any vulnerability to you, you will attack, mock, shame and/or leave us for it, even if…especially if your ask us to be vulnerable with you. You think you want it. You think you’ll feel compassion and connection but you don’t. You feel resentment, disgust and loathing and you act on those ugly feelings.
None of you are ever emotionally safe to be around. You’re just not nice people in that way.
I have experienced it once and it was so liberating. My room back then was like a small world where no one knows about what we were doing. She made me discover new things about myself that I thought it would never happen to me.
The question is wrong. It should be, “what keeps you feeling safe with a woman?” Safety is generally assumed until she her actions cause us to feel otherwise. Which actions in particular? Using something we have opened up about in the past to hurt us later, trying to tie unrelated past events to our current actions, never actually forgiving us and moving on from something, belittling our needs in a relationship, one upping why you always feel worse then we do at any given moment, not being willing to put the same effort into something in the relationship we would, holding double standards for behavior, and I’m sure there’s more.
When she always has my wellbeing in mind even without me acknowledging it. She could be like for example “Babe I know you been in the gym working hard and need to recover, so I got you some epsom salt and some protein snacks” simple gestures like that to elevate or improve me makes me feel safe with her. Because I know she genuinely rocks with me
Good sleep, exercise, breathwork, affirmations, therapy, self-soothing. Once I’m emotionally safe in general and not dealing with anything, THEN I can feel safe with a woman.
If I’m having a bad day like a high anxiety day or a very low depressing day and she just lets me be myself. No judgement but is present with me until it passes then it’s like, ok I feel safe enough to be myself around you.
Knowing I can say personal stuff without it being spread everywhere. There isn’t a 100% certain way to know if what you say will be kept secret, but there are women I trust way more with my personal matters than others
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When Sara Connor pumps a shotgun one-handed.
when she
Never. She always has the ability to break your heart – or in the case of my wife, she’s watched enough episodes of Dateline to get rid of my body and destroy evidence of a crime.
I never necessarily feel unsafe around women
When she’s not afraid to state her opinion when she’s against something. Idk, it just makes her trustworthy
I gave a ride to a lady who looked lost once. She was nice, but later spiked my soda with some drug, I still have no idea what.
I later found myself in a hotel room with her and some other guys wanting to buy large volume pot & coke. I left without trouble, but that chick did not leave me feeling safe.
Being alone makes me feel safe.
Ladies who are reflective enough to ask themselves this question and answer based on their experiences.
For example, the guy who defended you when someone attacked you. The one who held you as you balled your eyes out over the loss of a loved one. The one who respected your desires and didn’t argue with you about those desires. The one who remained calm when you were all worked up and simply listened to your fury intently. Mirror things you find to be reassuring and pleasant and cooperative and you’ll have the formula to giving those feelings to someone else.
When I’m not dating in US. The fear of false accusations goes away and I can be my natural self again.
Why would I not feel safe?
Safety is not really a concern. Maybe “at ease” or “like I can be myself.” But safety never crosses my mind.
I don’t like being left by myself around women for similar reasons you see women saying they don’t like being alone around men. I was groomed by 4 different women as a teenager and I had a recent violent abusive ex girlfriend. So it takes a lot for me to feel remotely comfortable alone with a girl. What does make me feel safe is if she’s just relaxed and talking to me like a human. No weird ulterior motives
Your ability to keep your mouth shut when others are egging you on to spill the most intimate tea about me and us.
Here’s the test:
I’m within earshot of my girl when she’s with all her gal pals and they’re 2-3 glasses of wine in each at a late night get together and they’ve forgotten I’m still in the house.
The shit they will talk and the level of granular damn detail they will relay to the group would absolutely make you feel very much in danger.
It is at that moment I will discover what kind of woman you are.
Do you keep confidence of what truly is my deepest insecurity? Or do you gladly serve up my greatest shame on a party platter for a cheap laugh?
Do you join the dogpile on “men bad” with everything I’ve ever done wrong, or do you hold me up as the exception?
Do you go into lurid details about our bedroom activities in order to humblebrag, but in doing so inherently share things I never gave you permission to share about me?
If you are the woman who shows restraint, keeps confidence even when “loosened up”, and takes the opportunity to praise me instead of dogpiling on?
That’s when I know for damn certain I am safe.
When I hear you talk nothing but shit, make me ashamed to ever look those women in the eyes ever again?
I will never feel safe with you ever again.
Every time you pull and tug and try to get me to “open up” and be more vulnerable, and honestly every woman after that – the sound of you and your friends cackling and damn near laying eggs out in the living room, probably peein’ on yourself a little – all at my expense…. that will still echo in my ears.. my heart will slam shut and I will pull away.
Honestly, good question…. I guess once I get to know them well enough?
I was abused by my mother. SAed in middle school by a high school girl. Slapped daily by another middle school girl. Had false SA accusations on me because I broke up with a girl when I was in high school (she was same grade). Then put through unimaginable pain on a daily basis for 3 years straight by my ex wife before she cheated on me and we divorced.
So needless to say, I do NOT feel safe around women in general. I’ve gone through years of therapy and while I’m no longer a sexist POS, I still have trauma with women and have a harder time trusting them than I do men.
Tbh I’m just glad the therapy helped with the sexism.
With the imbalanced laws and women being treated as they are always the victim in any male / female interaction it is not safe to be around any women.
They could easily lie about you as they like to do. Say you touched them or tried to rape them. Go to prison with no evidence.
When they ask before touching me. Even just a friendly hug.
Unless she is actually a Kodiak bear that is desperate for food I don’t think I’ve ever felt unsafe around a woman.
I always feel safe around a woman. I am unapologetically myself at all times. And I’m a good person, safe to be with. And I think that confidence and safety is felt by them and they feel free to be their own most authentic self, which pretty much always is nurturing and kind
You are asking men a female question. If you want a real answer I think you need to be more specific and literal about what you want.
If she’s calm and reasonable and I can be myself around her.
The older and more ugly she is the more safe I feel, because it means she is much less likely to conflate basic courtesy and kindness with being creepy, sexual harassment, etc.
Plus as an ugly man myself they don’t find me to be a threat either.
Don’t know. Haven’t talked to a woman outside of work or the grocery store cashiers in about 8 years.
I suppose I would feel safe around a woman when she’s 6’ built like a tank and can probably fight a bear.
Nothing, really.
By default, men are not questioning whether a woman is safe to be around. If she is unsafe, it’s usually apparent via crazy or reckless behavior.
Either someone who has a very calm demeanor, or someone who is always happy and likes you quickly.
If she demonstrates emotional stability and trustworthiness.
Men never feel safe. The world is our enemy. Constant vigilence.
Yall when he says safe he means emotionally and in non physical ways.
For me it’s about honesty. When a woman is honest we can talk through things and figure out what I need to do or what she does. No secrets. Telling me everything and feeling like she can talk to me about it all and vice versa. But in a physical aspect being held by a woman is one of the best feelings ever. I don’t think there’s a man on earth who feels differently, even if he acts like he doesn’t,
Time and building trust are the only things.
Today my wife and I are celebrating our 26th wedding anniversary.
The number of times I have shown any vulnerability to her I could count on one hand and I wouldn’t even need all five fingers.
The first time I ever showed vulnerability was when I found out my dad had cancer. Her dad died of cancer when she was in college so she understood.
I love her and trust her enough that I feel safe discussing anything or showing any emotion. I just don’t feel it’s necessary unless it is something major.
I feel safe with a woman who can respectfully disagree with me. Fawning is bad. Berating me is bad. Disagreeing with me like a person is safety.
When I can be completely vulnerable with her without her belittling me for my vulnerability, sharing it with other people without my consent, or weaponizing vulnerability during an argument. Vulnerabilities include my insecurities, mistakes, deepest desires, health issues, and emotional feelings that are not “masculine”.
She shows that she remembers the rare things I say about my feelings and stays conscious of them.
I feel safe around a woman who understands me and doesn’t judge me when I feel vulnerable. She respects me listens and respects me for being my true authentic self. I had a connection like this and it was beautiful I was vulnerable around her and trusting of her with my tears. She consoled me without hesitation wanting to comfort me and she didn’t judge me for crying she understood and there was empathy,sorrow,concern,and care in her eyes it was a touching profound moment that has left a lasting imprint in my heart forever. This is the type of woman that makes me feel safe and I miss her so the pain of separation due to external circumstances has been hard on me and I miss her very much.
Nothing. Emotional vulnerability gets thrown back at you–always.
She has a good relationship with her parents.
does not have negative people in her life.
Does not talk about other people in general whether good or bad.
It takes a LONG time to get to this point.
Most women think they want their men to be emotionally vulnerable and safe with them, but then, by no fault of their own, they lose attraction to any man who is really honest about their emotions. If it’s once in a great while, and you react the exact way she thinks is appropriate, she’ll feel closer to you like she got something special out of you. But if it’s more often than that, or it’s not the kind of emotional reaction she thinks is appropriate, she will lose attraction quickly.
Again this isn’t all women, but it’s the vast majority in my experience.
Also when women fight, everything is fair game. They will use your deepest vulnerabilities against you without impunity, even when it doesn’t fit the situation just because it will destroy you emotionally. If you get angry as a result, violent or not, you’re the scary bad guy, because it’s scary when a man gets really angry, and he immediately loses the argument as a result no matter how much he may have been in the right to begin with.
For me to feel emotionally safe around a woman, as fucked up as it sounds, she will have had to have not withdrawn from sex and affection for a month after I have been emotionally vulnerable, and she will have had to have not used my insecurities or vulnerability against me in arguments. There would be an endless list of other indicators leading up to this, and naturally if the indicators were that she’s not that type of person I would naturally slowly open up more and more over time.
Never. Any time I’ve remotely felt safe, I’m quickly reminded “anything can and WILL be used against you.” Never do it.
When she has only other women as friends
I don’t think it’s ever good to feel safe with a woman. In a moment of weakness or distress she might use your vulnerable moments to crush you.
Why would I feel unsafe with a woman?
Never lmao, I’m not there to feel safe, that’s her thing. Stay sharp or be crushed.
No man has ever felt emotionally safe with a woman. We all know that if we expose any vulnerability to you, you will attack, mock, shame and/or leave us for it, even if…especially if your ask us to be vulnerable with you. You think you want it. You think you’ll feel compassion and connection but you don’t. You feel resentment, disgust and loathing and you act on those ugly feelings.
None of you are ever emotionally safe to be around. You’re just not nice people in that way.
I have experienced it once and it was so liberating. My room back then was like a small world where no one knows about what we were doing. She made me discover new things about myself that I thought it would never happen to me.
Never felt emotionally safe with a women who wasn’t my family or my therapist.
“What do you feel sad about and what insecurities do you have?”
“Tells her”
Backfires everytime, now I get pissed everytime a women tries to get to know me that way
It either gets used against you eventually, or she stops seeing you as a man. Either way it’s always a lose-lose
That smile. Melts away the pain & strain of the day.
I’m not sure there is enough therapy in the world for me to feel emotionally safe with a woman ever again.
The question is wrong. It should be, “what keeps you feeling safe with a woman?” Safety is generally assumed until she her actions cause us to feel otherwise. Which actions in particular? Using something we have opened up about in the past to hurt us later, trying to tie unrelated past events to our current actions, never actually forgiving us and moving on from something, belittling our needs in a relationship, one upping why you always feel worse then we do at any given moment, not being willing to put the same effort into something in the relationship we would, holding double standards for behavior, and I’m sure there’s more.
I’m trying to think of even one episode in my life when a woman made me feel “unsafe”. I’ve got nothing.
When she goes out of her way to do something for me. If she’s putting that effort then I know she values me and cares about me.
Knowing that whatever I tell her is safe with her. If she can’t do that, then she doesn’t get anything shared with her. 🤷🏽♂️
I don’t feel like that is an unreasonable rule.
When she always has my wellbeing in mind even without me acknowledging it. She could be like for example “Babe I know you been in the gym working hard and need to recover, so I got you some epsom salt and some protein snacks” simple gestures like that to elevate or improve me makes me feel safe with her. Because I know she genuinely rocks with me
Good sleep, exercise, breathwork, affirmations, therapy, self-soothing. Once I’m emotionally safe in general and not dealing with anything, THEN I can feel safe with a woman.
If I’m having a bad day like a high anxiety day or a very low depressing day and she just lets me be myself. No judgement but is present with me until it passes then it’s like, ok I feel safe enough to be myself around you.
Knowing I can say personal stuff without it being spread everywhere. There isn’t a 100% certain way to know if what you say will be kept secret, but there are women I trust way more with my personal matters than others
After she has shown that I can trust her.