Being cheated on. Found this morning he was searching for an OF girl (he is judgy towards sex workers in general) and realised the fault was never mine. He’s just a piece of shit and I’m way too good for him. He had one good thing in his life which was me and our relationship and he completely lost it. It’s only bad for him 😂
Thinking I wasn’t good enough for the man I loved, who told me I was everything he was looking for and that he loved me too.
He decided one day that a relationship just wasn’t what he wanted. I couldn’t believe after everything we had been through, everything I helped him with and showed him about life, that what I had to offer suddenly wasn’t what he wanted because he realized he doesn’t feel anything for anyone.
I’ve since learned from my therapist that’s his shit to deal with but I’ve never loved someone so much and felt the weight of my entire world collapsing on me the way I did for that man.
It’s getting better, but it’s hard to go from something to nothing in such a short amount of time without analyzing every single thing I did and wondering how I could’ve been better. But it wasn’t me. It will always be him.
My mother told me my dad left bc of me. I’m in my 40s now and that memory is still fresh in my mind. Even after I asked my dad if it was true and he told me no, I still think about to this day.
She and I have been friends since we were 6. When I went away for college, it was really hard for both of us. We went from seeing each other every day to just texting and calling throughout the week. She ended up dating a guy who wasn’t the best and was into drugs. Even after they broke up, she used different substances. I felt like if I had been there at the time, she never would have turned to drugs. I know now that that’s not true.
She’s gone through a 12 step program and we talked through everything when she was making amends. She let me know that none of it was my fault. I also work in addiction counseling now so I know that’s not how it works. She went to rehab and has been sober for almost 8 years now.
Me making men uncomfortable and causing them to stare at me. I was told by older family members when I was around 11 to start wearing baggy clothes otherwise I’d make men uncomfortable.
Being responsible for the health and happiness of grown-up people. When I was a child, my parents told me that my mum had heart problems because of my poor performance at school. Needless to say, I started studying hard. I later realized that this was, of course, a cruel manipulation by troubled people, but to this day I find myself feeling responsible and have to take a step back and tell myself: ‘They’re grown-ups; they can fix their own lives. I’m not responsible.’
Men staring at my boobs. I thought it was because of my clothes, but when I put on something more modest, too often I would catch the men’s eye drifting towards my chest. You can’t win, really.
My ex sleeping with my best friend because her parents allowed her to hangout and I wasn’t allowed to spend every bit of free time with him. She was convenient and I wasn’t available. The gaslighting was real back in the day.
Leaving the milk on the countertop. My ex gaslit me so much, I thought it was my fault. I’ve been living alone now for years and not once have I left the milk on the countertop. Same for leaving the refrigerator door open, the ring stain on the coffee table from not using a coaster, leaving doors unlocked, random clutter, not being able to find my keys …all of that stopped happening as soon as I lived alone.
I was heavily abused as a child so until I was 19 I thought I was an absolute monster of a person. A total loser with no friends. Destined to fail everywhere I went no matter how hard I tried. Making inexcusable mistakes and leaving everything around me in ruin.
Took a child psychology class in college and had an “ah ha” moment/mental breakdown when we popcorn read the chapter on neglect and abuse in class. Realized I was being abused and worked my ass off to get out of there. Still dealing with the ptsd of it all, but doing much better now.
my parents always prefered my brother. i thought i wasn’t good enough.
Until i realize it was the other way around… i will never be good enough for them because the little prince can do no wrong since he’s the favorit, that’s the (dysfunctional) dynamic they want to maintain.
My husband who’s normally super cheerful and just all around lovely and wonderful sometimes gets a little grouchy when we travel, I thought it was in reaction to me but a couple years ago his brother outed him as a pissy traveler since childhood and I was like ohhhh 😇😇😇😇
Comments
Men staring at me as a child
hmmm always in the same situation
My ex, he was abusive and gross and just overall such a cynical person
I thought it was because I was a bad girlfriend, but turns out he was just a jerk lol
Being cheated on. Found this morning he was searching for an OF girl (he is judgy towards sex workers in general) and realised the fault was never mine. He’s just a piece of shit and I’m way too good for him. He had one good thing in his life which was me and our relationship and he completely lost it. It’s only bad for him 😂
My parents’ constant fighting. For years I thought I was the problem but turns out they were just unhappy with each other.
My husbands addiction.
People finding me cringe.
Thinking I wasn’t good enough for the man I loved, who told me I was everything he was looking for and that he loved me too.
He decided one day that a relationship just wasn’t what he wanted. I couldn’t believe after everything we had been through, everything I helped him with and showed him about life, that what I had to offer suddenly wasn’t what he wanted because he realized he doesn’t feel anything for anyone.
I’ve since learned from my therapist that’s his shit to deal with but I’ve never loved someone so much and felt the weight of my entire world collapsing on me the way I did for that man.
It’s getting better, but it’s hard to go from something to nothing in such a short amount of time without analyzing every single thing I did and wondering how I could’ve been better. But it wasn’t me. It will always be him.
My mother told me my dad left bc of me. I’m in my 40s now and that memory is still fresh in my mind. Even after I asked my dad if it was true and he told me no, I still think about to this day.
My best friend’s addiction.
She and I have been friends since we were 6. When I went away for college, it was really hard for both of us. We went from seeing each other every day to just texting and calling throughout the week. She ended up dating a guy who wasn’t the best and was into drugs. Even after they broke up, she used different substances. I felt like if I had been there at the time, she never would have turned to drugs. I know now that that’s not true.
She’s gone through a 12 step program and we talked through everything when she was making amends. She let me know that none of it was my fault. I also work in addiction counseling now so I know that’s not how it works. She went to rehab and has been sober for almost 8 years now.
Blaming myself for a friendship falling apart, then realizing I was the only one actually trying to keep it going.
Me making men uncomfortable and causing them to stare at me. I was told by older family members when I was around 11 to start wearing baggy clothes otherwise I’d make men uncomfortable.
My ex cheating. It was never about me and it took a looooooong time to realize my worth.
Other people’s feelings & behavior
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Being responsible for the health and happiness of grown-up people. When I was a child, my parents told me that my mum had heart problems because of my poor performance at school. Needless to say, I started studying hard. I later realized that this was, of course, a cruel manipulation by troubled people, but to this day I find myself feeling responsible and have to take a step back and tell myself: ‘They’re grown-ups; they can fix their own lives. I’m not responsible.’
Men staring at my boobs. I thought it was because of my clothes, but when I put on something more modest, too often I would catch the men’s eye drifting towards my chest. You can’t win, really.
My ex sleeping with my best friend because her parents allowed her to hangout and I wasn’t allowed to spend every bit of free time with him. She was convenient and I wasn’t available. The gaslighting was real back in the day.
I was the scapegoat of the family so everything was my fault. I am 54 years old now, and realize it was pretty much everyone else’s fault not mine.
[removed]
Leaving the milk on the countertop. My ex gaslit me so much, I thought it was my fault. I’ve been living alone now for years and not once have I left the milk on the countertop. Same for leaving the refrigerator door open, the ring stain on the coffee table from not using a coaster, leaving doors unlocked, random clutter, not being able to find my keys …all of that stopped happening as soon as I lived alone.
I was heavily abused as a child so until I was 19 I thought I was an absolute monster of a person. A total loser with no friends. Destined to fail everywhere I went no matter how hard I tried. Making inexcusable mistakes and leaving everything around me in ruin.
Took a child psychology class in college and had an “ah ha” moment/mental breakdown when we popcorn read the chapter on neglect and abuse in class. Realized I was being abused and worked my ass off to get out of there. Still dealing with the ptsd of it all, but doing much better now.
My genius.
Thinking my parents’ constant fighting was because I wasn’t “good enough” as a kid. Took years to realize it had nothing to do with me.
i thought being too much was my fault but actually I shined and people were trying to dim my light.
my parents always prefered my brother. i thought i wasn’t good enough.
Until i realize it was the other way around… i will never be good enough for them because the little prince can do no wrong since he’s the favorit, that’s the (dysfunctional) dynamic they want to maintain.
All the abuse that happened to me.
My husband who’s normally super cheerful and just all around lovely and wonderful sometimes gets a little grouchy when we travel, I thought it was in reaction to me but a couple years ago his brother outed him as a pissy traveler since childhood and I was like ohhhh 😇😇😇😇
A relationship ending. It was going to end anyways when the people were toxic towards each other.