Hi guys. I wanted to add my 2 cents, from my experience in uni I think too many people treat consent like a formality like they want sex and they know they can’t just take it, so they pressure or manipulate you just enough to get a “yes” to protect themselves, that’s not consent. Giving someone substances to cloud their judgement also isn’t consent.
Guys, if you’re feeling someone and they say no ONCE, just accept it. It doesn’t mean persuade me or try harder either. I promise you no sex won’t kill you.
Even worse regarding virginity because it’s so hypersexualized like a conquest and not a personal experience. Ive seen some people turn it into a mission because they’re “pure,” getting them to say yes to become their “first” becomes a challenge to conquer or because they don’t know better, their boundaries are easier to manipulate.
Anyways, if someone suddenly goes quiet and hesitates or goes stiff just pause. Ask them if it’s okay, if they’re sure and if they’re comfortable. A lot of women freeze and don’t fight or speak up when they’re in non-consensual situations.
Too many people justify coercion or rape with “you could’ve just said no.” Instead of taking accountability. Silence and hesitation means no too.
I’m curious why consent is seen as a formality? If you have been a victim to this mindset what made that view change overtime?
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Anything short of an enthusiastic yes should be a no. Sadly this isn’t the way folks choose to operate.
Because men in general in the patriarchy are taught to pursue, taught that their needs and desires are above women’s comfortability, and that they need to just “convince” us why we should do x with them if we say no the first time.
No is never taught as a boundary for men. It’s taught as a “you’re not trying hard enough” or something.