I’ve been thinking a lot about how real attraction isn’t always about looks—it’s often the small things someone does that just click.
For those of you who date women (or anyone really), has someone ever done something subtle on a first or second date that made you go, “wow, that’s hot”—even if it wasn’t meant to be?
Curious what kinds of unexpected green flags people actually notice and find attractive.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/buymecheesecake’s post (if available):
I’ve been thinking a lot about how real attraction isn’t always about looks—it’s often the small things someone does that just click.
For those of you who date women (or anyone really), has someone ever done something subtle on a first or second date that made you go, “wow, that’s hot”—even if it wasn’t meant to be?
Curious what kinds of unexpected green flags people actually notice and find attractive.
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Genuine interest. Wearing a nice dress. Grab on the bicep. Smile and a compliment.
Diamond in an icestorm.
She actually listened and asked questions based on my story.
Not flirting or teasing or projecting but being down to earth and sincere.
Cupped her Farts, during a conversation on global warming.
That’s never happened to me.
If she’s funny and keeps me in stitches, she has my full attention.
She offered to pay for dinner and when I refused to let her pay, she insisted on and paid for the drinks we had afterward. She definitely earned her kiss good night.
Touch me! Physical touch tells me you find me attractive!
So its a funny one but I actually just talked about it with a friend.
On the first of 2nd date with my ex years ago we passed near a calisthenics park thingy.
And she immediately just said “if you can do 3x my pull ups I will pay for the date” and then she just casually did 10 clean reps.
I did not do 30 reps. I think at the time I was stuck in the high teens low 20s? Don’t really remember.
16 year old me found it insanely attractive for some reason.
Looked me in the eyes then looked me up and down then locked eyes again
spoke da brokwn engleesh.
Anal
Last week, she remembered that I asked for another beer and reminded the waiter when he forgot and asked if we wanted the check.
This was a little beyond 1st/2nd date (kind of because it was a casual hookup thing). But I was having an overnight with a guy- he brushed his teeth before bed and when we kissed I mentioned that I thought his toothpaste tasted funny.
The next morning when we were brushing our teeth he held his toothbrush out for me to put mine on instead.
In retrospect I sound kind of bitchy. It was a joking exchange and he made a cute face when he asked for mine. He was sweet to remember what I said and find a solution. We finished brushing our teeth and had sex immediately after.
I said through the bathroom door, “the cops were at the party because of the noise complaint, may I hide in there with you?” She opened the door in her bathing suit, saying “yeah.”
We hid in the shower. Lol we played doctor and then left after the cops didn’t find anything. This was the only hook up, after being introduced the same night.
Touched my penis on day one.
Oh let me count the ways…..
Simply being dynamic. After a couple bougie, wildly expensive espresso martinis and typical first date conversation, he willingly led me into the woods (my idea) where we got our white shoes muddy, marveled at the stars/lack of light pollution, and had our first kiss.
Work on your post title dawg
Showed up
Invited me over to her condo on the first date and showed me her extensive rock and gem collection, then pointed out the ones she masturbated with.
Halfway through a first date she pulled perfume out of her purse, sprayed it on her wrist, then put her wrist to my nose, and asked if I liked the smell. I said yes and she said “good” then proceeded to spray her neck. Super confident and sexy.
She farted and then said she feels so comfortable and safe around me
We both were teenagers. 4-5 guys came to rob us. The expectations is that the guy has to put a brave face and the woman hides (physically or otherwise) behind the man. My then girlfriend said, before I could even reply “Touch my man and I’ll send you back to your house with your teeth in your pocket”. And she was small but with enough fight in her to back it up.
Men are expected to be used as a meat shield for the woman he’s dating (or even friends). The idea that a woman would put her in harm to defend me was something that blew my mind…and made me like her more than any kiss, word or sex we had.
Nothing comes close, believe me.
I’ve been attracted to women like that since then. Another woman I dated also packed a razor, lol.
I was out with a girl and she stopped to get money from an ATM. She was so decisive, so quick with the buttons, so damn competent in the whole operation that I was actually struck by it.
She’s now my wife, so I guess ATM really can lead to marriage.
She made eye contact and genuinely listened to what I said. It made me realize that most people had been ignoring me all my life and truly changed me all the way to my core.
Also made me lose a few “friends” Since I realized they had never paid attention to a single thing id ever said. But it feels nice that I now know what it feels like to be actually seen and heard
No, attraction FOR YOU isn’t always about looks, maybe. Male sexuality doesn’t work anything like female sexuality. They are completely different creatures. You can’t project your sexuality on to a male. It doesn’t work. You’ll completely misunderstand his behavior, if you try that. Learn the rules of male sexuality, as men have had to learn the rules of female sexuality. It won’t come intuitively because its so alien. You have to read and study on it to be able to understand or predict it.
Sexual attraction is almost exclusively about looks. Attachment is about kindness, trustworthiness, humility, etc. but attraction is looks. There are little things that a woman might do that increase attraction but they won’t do that, unless the attraction is already present. Studies have shown that women’s rating of a man’s “personality” is almost perfectly correlated with ratings of his “looks”. In other words, they are the almost same thing because an the presence of attraction makes your evaluation of “personality” far more favorable.
I’ve experienced it 1st hand. I was fat and women though I was a “creep”. Then I lost a bunch of weight and put on muscle and, although my personality didn’t change at all, I suddenly was being told I had a “great personality” by women. You people lie to yourselves constantly and you don’t understand your own feelings well.
Those “little things” are only attractive because you’re already infatuated with him.
As far as green flags, men tend to look for kindness, a nurturing nature, integrity (honesty), trustworthiness, dependability, loyalty, humility and accountability in a woman.
Here’s a great example of the difference between male and female sexuality. Your job, education, money, college, etc., mean nothing to men. They simply don’t factor into our attraction to you. You, on the other hand, care a great deal about a man’s social status. You are sexually attracted to status, power, money, danger, challenge, strength, etc. but we aren’t. We don’t care about your achievements. A male CEO will date a woman working at McDonalds, if he like how she looks. A female CEO would never consider doing that.
As far as little actions a woman might do that make me go “wow, that was hot” are usually little things she’s not aware of that come across a feminine. Women don’t move like men. They have their own style of movement and anything in that style, such as flipping her hair, smoothing her dress, her walk, etc. will seem hot to me, especially if I’m already infatuated with her.
We were getting dinner and drinks as part of our day out. We had eaten and just ordered another round when she said she was heading to the bathroom, and by this point, the bill was easily over €100. Eventually, when we’re leaving, I get up to head inside and pay, and only then she informs me that she already has. Man, the smile on my face.
When they cancel on me last minute, 3 for 3 now
Dressed to kill, tight dress, high heels… smoking hot.
Then, at dinner, we have a very deep and intellectual debate about the current state of the social contract.
Intelligence trumps looks every time.
I really think that the BEST thing a woman can do to make herself more attractive and available to a man early on is to go out of your way to touch him more than is necessary. I don’t mean sexual touches, just stuff like holding his arm while you’re walking together or hold his hand, simple but forward gestures. To me, knowing someone is actually interested in me is an automatic +3 to how attractive they are. If a woman is going out of her way to touch me early on in a date I always know it’s going well and thus become far more comfortable far faster.