How do you stop being in love with a fictional character that prevents you from being interested in actual people that way?
How do you stop being in love with a fictional character that prevents you from being interested in actual people that way?
r/AskWomen
Comments
I’m not planning on it, but if I was I would focus on finding a best friend that I also happened to be attracted to.
It’s hard to get over Mr. Darcy, I know.
Just focus on finding a hobby that allows you to think about other things.
I think you should talk to a therapist. What you see on tv and in movies isn’t real
It took me a long time to realize the love I see in fiction and media isn’t real, and to look for little ways someone can show they love you, and romanticize that instead of a fictional “perfect” character. Once I let go of my need to control the way others showed me love, it was easier to stop projecting my needs onto fictional characters (which is super easy and understandable especially if the character is written well or performed well)
Therapy is the best way forward if you’re that hung up on someone who doesn’t exist.
I would stop doing whatever hobby you seeing that type of character in. If it doesn’t go away with the separation then I would seek out therapy. This is escapism that isn’t healthy
[removed]
You gotta disengage for a while. Put down the character and do anything else.
Been there
Find another book, film. Separate the art from the character, the story from your day to day. Spend time away from it, but don’t punish yourself if you daydream a little.
You are most likely doing this to cope with something going on in your life. Self reflection is going to be needed and therapy will help with that.
It sounds like your brain has a hard time understanding fiction vs reality. I would suggest speaking to a professional about this, especially as it’s affecting your real life relationships / life.
I haven’t had that experience in particular, but I did have an issue in my younger years with unrealistic romantic expectations probably based on what I’d grown up watching in movies and tv shows.
Seeking that kind of… burning passion sort of love, leads to instability in relationships. If what you want is someone who will be there for you, be stable, honest, and dependable, it’s not going to be these massive burning intense passionate affairs characterized by peaks and valleys. It’s going to be steady, easy, calm.
I think it helps to work backwards- ask yourself what you want in a partner. For me, I valued genuine honesty, I didn’t want to play any kind of games, I wanted someone who would see me as a partner to tackle life with, someone with stable emotions. And then I considered what meeting that kind of person would look like, and I consciously changed who I was considering a potential romantic partner.
Picture your actual self in an actual long term relationship that fits in to your actual life in a way that makes you happy. Will pursuing impossible goals ultimately make you happy? Nope. Don’t waste time on things that don’t benefit you.
Therapy. Because what???
If I was so obsessed with a fictional character that I couldn’t engage properly with real people,and I was self aware enough to have realised that, I’d be talking about it at length in therapy.
Probably watching the actor for that character act as someone else. Or better yet, do an interview where they talk about the character act as.
Hiya, there’s a thing called limerence where a person is “in love” with someone who is not reciprocating. It’s a whole thing and worth a Google.
The method is a mix of therapy and growing up
It depends if the character is passive or active.
I mean, if it’s any character of a book, movie or whatever, you have no interaction with it and it’s easier to lose habits. You “just” need to allow yourself to open to people in real life, go out, do activities, and set aside whatever you do to cultivate the inner passion you have for the fictional character.
But if the character is AI… You probably developed a lot of habits with it, it can be pretty addictive. And since it mimics humans, you can miss it and feel like you lose your lover, because you developed a human-likeish relationship with it. However, this communication and relationship was tailor-made for you, everything was coded to please you and always consider you first. Unlike humans, it didn’t have any existence outside of your time with it, it was 24/7 available, had no other priorities, no interest, no personality, no feelings, no confrontational opinion… Even if it sometimes may have mimicked it, there is no real factor like a human would have.
So in case of IA it’s not only a matter of interest. Of course you still need to open to the world and allow yourself to develop interest to other people. But liking them might be more difficult for you, because they may not have what you liked in the relationship with AI (you need to understand what it was and it might be deep unconscious), they may even have some human factors that you won’t like. It might be hard for you to accept those human factors, their differences, their boundaries, their own self that weren’t designed for you. It might also be hard to know what is normal or not, healthy or not (with the risk of being in a bad relation), or to yourself properly adapt to those human factors (unconsciously you might have unhealthy positions or reaction). And it might seriously damage your relationship.
That’s why I really recommend seeing a therapist to understand everything involved in your love interest for the fictional character (whether it’s AI or not), to work on your inner self and patterns, and in the case of AI, work on your social skills too.
You can’t “love” a fictional character. They aren’t real. They aren’t full human beings nor have they ever interacted with you. You are obsessively fantasizing and choosing to indulge fantasy instead of living in real life. Please see a therapist because if you are not a hormonal teenager this is very unhealthy behavior for an adult.
maybe take a break from romance media for a while.
Therapy, 100%. Look up attachment styles, too. Sounds avoidant to me.
Ask yourself if you’re maybe drawn to fictional characters because of attachment issues. They can’t hurt you but you’ll never get close to them, and maybe that’s the point.
Get therapy. You shouldn’t be that obsessed, it’s probably not healthy.
You need to see a therapist asap. That is not normal behavior at all.
I dont-
Maybe the real issue isn’t the fictional character…
It’s that real people aren’t allowed to be flawed, slow-burn, or deeply written anymore.
You don’t need to “get over” fiction — you need to stop settling for dry conversations and half-assed effort just because it’s reality.
Characters feel better because they’re crafted with intention. Maybe that’s exactly what’s missing in modern dating.
I felt this way about Edward Cullen from Twilight my freshman year of college LOL. I was going through a rough breakup of being cheated on and found solace in the pages of the book / romance of the story. It’s important to remember this is fine temporarily, but these characters are written BY WOMEN and men are nothing like this in real life. Men are supportive, protectors, and providers – but they are not these over-the-top sensitive romantic beings who compliment you at every turn. It’s just not how they are wired. So what you’re falling in love with isn’t real and likely isn’t even possible in a real person. It’s called fiction for a reason. Enjoy it as entertainment and get on some dating apps for some real world experiences.
stop watching any fantasy
Stop rewatching/reading stuff with them and focus on real life connections. Give it time and distance.
The first step is understanding that it’s idealised – like loving a marble statue, or thinking that the posts you see on social media are a fair and full reflection of a person’s life.
Unlike the character, human partners fart, get ill, have weird ingrown hairs, and so on, which may seem all the worse by comparison. The character is frozen in time. Never aging. Never faced with mundane day-to-day. Always exciting.
Real humans, though, can be genuinely loving, funny and warm. They can hold you. They might get tongue-tied sometimes, rather than speaking in perfect, polished dialogue, but it’s (generally) from the heart.
Loving a person rather than an ideal can be messier, but it’s also far more rewarding as you grow together.
I’d recommend putting the book / show / character source aside for now and focusing on in-person contact with your friends and family.
Get used, again, to people being people. Only when you’re comfortable can you then look into exploring romance.
Used to be completely hung up on Mr. Darcy.
[removed]
That’s more common than you think. Fictional characters feel safe, ideal, and controllable—real people aren’t. Try shifting your focus: stay social, write about your feelings, and remind yourself no one’s perfect, not even your fave character. Real love’s messy, but it’s worth it.
[removed]
There’s no solution except interaction with a real life man. Text chatting won’t cut it. At the very least, you have to talk on the phone.
“But talking to real life men is boring.” Yes, life is boring sometimes. You’ve got to deal with it. You won’t believe how bad real life men are at sex, but with time and practice, he will improve
People who are saying you are not normal and stuff – don’t let em bring you down. I think you might find a lot better answers in a neurodivergent group.
Anyways, writing down what you love about them and reflecting it upon yourself to see what you feel you might have commonalities with deep down inside, might help. Projection happens in negative and positive ways. Maybe what you love about them is what you want to develop more about yourself?
Asking the “why’s” can help, but I personally use this feeling to motivate myself to improve myself.
Hope this helps!
A therapist can really help with this. You’ll figure out what particular aspects of this character are drawing you in, why those traits are so important to you, why you’ve fixated on a character rather than finding a real-life connection, etc.
Well I’ve seen people like that in the asexual community and they seem really happy. Fictosexuals and aegosexuals.
But if it’s bothering you, you could stop consuming content with that character and it will probably fade away with time. Then you just focus on real people instead.
I don’t think it’s as big of a problem as people are saying, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out. Humans have all kinds of weird feelings about things, it’s not a big deal.
Could you be using this fictional character as a means to keep yourself away from seeking a relationship with an actual person?
Consider all of the negative consequences of seeking and maintaining a relationship with actual people. List them. Bet there’s a lot. I can think of quite a few offhand because the seeking can be frustrating, and the dating can = anxious, boring. Who LIKES dating? I don’t know anyone who does more than cheerfully tolerate it, at best. I suggest that you make an effort to meet, then to date (or get to know them however.)a person. You don’t need to like it, but statistically speaking, you’re very likely to eventually meet The Person who will make your fictional lover dim in comparison.
The nice thing about fictional lovers is that you can cheat on them without remorse.
BTW I get your attachment to a fictional character. I believe they are “real” – It’s just a different type of reality, but one which cannot support a relationship.
No contact