For those who didn’t end up with their first love, what’s the one thing you’re actually grateful for?
For those who didn’t end up with their first love, what’s the one thing you’re actually grateful for?
r/AskWomen
For those who didn’t end up with their first love, what’s the one thing you’re actually grateful for?
Comments
For the breakup. Not because he was a bad person, but because we were so obviously not right for each other. We’ve both since gotten into relationships with people who are a better match for us.
Met the love of my life who is such a wonderful man, gives me tenfold in life, and is the most beautiful person I have ever met.
First love is overrated but I guess conventionally has to happen to teach you So when you meet your true love, you never look back.
Cheers.
Honestly, I’m grateful it taught me what not to settle for. That first love was a mess, but it showed me what I truly want in a partner.
That I didn’t end up with him. I learned a lot about myself and relationships with him. But I’ve always been on the curious side. If we would have made it worked I would have always wondered what it was like to date and be with other people. And will always be eternally grateful to him but in the end he just wasn’t the one for me
I’m grateful that he actually made me feel loved and wanted for the first time. I was abused my entire childhood so it felt nice to be appreciated for who I truly was.
He also helped me realize that I needed to set the bar higher and actually have standards. I met my now-husband 3 years after he broke my heart. My husband is the best partner I could’ve asked for and I’m so happy that I found him.
That I didn’t end up with a pedo. He wasn’t much older than me but old enough to classify him as such, unfortunately.
He had a lot of shit to deal with, he chose money over me. I understand tho. For some reason I still care about him.
set in stone a whole lot of boundaries. never again will i be treated by someone like i was him. which served me very well in finding my current relationship with a man who adores me and whom i adore in return
There was never really a shot for me and ny first love to end up together. We were 16, and now are extremely different people. But at the time he loved me so loudly and unapologetically.
I had a series of bad interactions with guys in my teens, and he was this island of very pure puppy love. He was not a perfect person, but he loved me very much. I think my views on relationships could have gone very differently if I had not had him in the mix to show me how I could be treated.
He recently got engaged. I don’t know his fiancée but he seems really happy, and I am happy for him.
I am grateful to have learnt that it is possible to find love again.
It hurts and hurts bad when things don’t work out with someone you thought was so obviously most compatible with you but life can bring the most wonderful surprises. The only condition I suppose is we keep ourselves open to the possibilities.
I’m glad he’s gone from my life. A selfish, alcoholic, abusive, gaslighting leech. So blessed to be rid of him. 🥰
For his red flags, honestly and for meeting him at a time when my parents, convention and my fledgling morals protected me from giving him anything but my heart. He wasn’t a bad person, just a teenage boy who was stretching his wings and I was a very idealistic girl, still believing in loyalty, understanding flaws and fixing the bad boys. And his betrayal was clear enough and hurt enough that I haven’t once overlooked even an orange or yellow flag since.
He was my high school sweetheart. Went to both proms with him and we dated a couple years out of high school, lived together, all of it. He was my first everything and I was SO in love with him and was CRUSHED when he broke up with me. Fast forward 20 years and he friend requests me on Facebook. I was his FIRST friend. I knew he had gotten married and had a couple of kids…..but after perusing his Facebook page, realized he had turned into a very right wing Republican and was a drinker. I’m the complete opposite. While we are still friends on Facebook, the “one that got away” feeling is completely gone. I feel nothing for him. He ended up cheating on his wife with a family friend and is now with the other woman. Still drinks like mad, is bald and a Trump supporter. I’m not missing anything.
My first love now works in the Trump admin so I’m grateful that he dumped me bc I would have married him
Was he really my first “love”? Meh. I’m grateful I realized he was highly controlling, jealous and toxic in general. I am grateful I realized that I do not want that again. We learn from our mistakes. As corny as that sounds.
Sometimes love teaches you, not stays with you.
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Grateful that I left him when I did and grateful that I’m now engaged to an even better guy.
I’m grateful I dodged that bullet. He was toxic as absolute fuck.
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Not having children and being able to live of authenticity
Honestly—it’s everything that came after.
I crossed paths with some truly fascinating souls, people who shaped my journey in ways I never could’ve predicted. One of those connections led to the greatest gift of all—my child. And had things unfolded differently, I might have never become a mother.
Sure, there are quiet moments when I sit with the weight of “what ifs” and wonder how different things could’ve been. But even in those reflections, I hold deep gratitude for the winding road my life has taken.
Not every story ended the way I thought it would. Some chapters closed too soon, some stayed open far too long. But each person I loved and each version of life I lived—taught me something.
And that, in the end, made it all worthwhile.
I’m grateful for the break up. It took me a very long time to come to the realization that I was being emotionally abused.
I’m grateful that I won’t be SA’d regularly
One thing? I could write a 1000
Thankful I learned to stand up for myself
Thankful I’m no longer allowing someone to disrespect me like that
Thankful I found way more attractive partners
Thankful to have a partner who lifts me up and constantly compliments me
Thankful to not have to worry about my car being stolen or moved around
Thankful to have actual standards
Thankful to listen the first time now when men tell me who they are and what they want
I am grateful that I got to know how toxic he was and how he was using me.
Grateful it didn’t work out bc it pushed me to focus on myself. I probably wouldn’t have chased my goals or figured out who I really am if we stayed together.
My first love was my high school sweetheart. I was with him for about 2.5 years. My parents were going through a nasty divorce and I had been abused, so his home was a safe haven for me. Sometimes I’d go over there to have tea with his mom while he did his homework, or I’d go babysit his little brother when he didn’t really need one just to get away.
It didn’t end amazingly (for lack of a better way to put it since it absolutely could have been so much worse) and my heart did get broken, but he was overall really kind to me and was always there when I needed him. I’ll always be grateful for that.
It’s been ten years and I’m with the love of my life now. My HSS and I are still in touch now sometimes, he’s living in Ireland (dual citizenship with the US) and going to school to be a music therapist for kids, with a life partner of his own who I actually met and hung out with when he brought her to the states last year. All good things 🙂
I realized later in life that I didn’t actually want to get married or have kids ever. I probably would’ve just settled down because I thought I had to. I’m glad I didn’t.
My first love ended up transitioning and is now actively dating men, so I guess I’m grateful that things ended when they did, otherwise that would’ve been my future lol.
Not ending up with them🤣🤣
That he let me go so I could be found by someone who would actually treasure me as much I treasure them.
It was so eye opening and it show me how great I am as a person. Grateful that I was able to feel and have mistakes that change me and offer me empathy to those who are grieving a first love
I’m grateful that his lack of giving me anything important in a relationship- love, respect, honesty, real partnership, support, etc showed me that even though these qualities are boring and devoid of passion, they are the ones I should be looking for. Life is hard, you need someone who lifts you up, not drags you down. Passion and excitement come with a price and you can’t keep paying it your whole life and have a healthy retirement.
I’m grateful I didn’t go through adulthood with some goofoff I liked when I was a child.
My first love made me realize that there’s more to the happiness. It’s not all doom and gloom all the time. Now I’m happy with my husband, we’re high school sweethearts and been together for 14 years!
Grateful I didn’t marry him ewww lol
My first “love” had nothing in common with me, he was just attractive and we were both introverts.
Love isn’t always healthy.
Edit: sentence structure ha!
My love for him made me realize how truly kind, patient, selfless, and resilient I can be.
That I got away. He was a horrible person to me and I still carry the emotional trauma he caused. I was a naive and he took full advantage of it.
That i shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t want to solve problems, that can’t be honest with me, i don’t need that. I’ve weeded out the awful people and now i’m with the best person i’ve ever met. First one was someone i couldn’t see myself with long term, now this guy is the only one i can see myself having a family with.
im grateful that i didnt settle for that, i thought it was what i wanted and that i could compromise on things but i know i want and deserve more
I’m grateful I never got pregnant by him (hallelujah!)
It also showed me why some women stay even when we’re being treated badly.
It showed me what love wasn’t.
I’m grateful for learning what to expect in a healthy relationship. My first relationship was healthy, but we were going in different directions. He also taught me what different kinds of love were since we started off as friends.
Also, while I loved this man, I wasn’t IN LOVE with this man. No, the man I’m with now taught me the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.
Probably a terrible opinion, but I think everyone should have a bad breakup so they can get over it and understand how much better there is out there. I think I’m lucky in that each heartbreak taught me what I want and don’t want, and how much my husband now is the greatest person for me.
Edit: the key is to actually make a clean break. I know it’s hard, but the other side is literally better and clearer.
I am grateful that he was a pretty wonderful guy, still is a wonderful guy. We remained friends and everytime i visited my hometown we got together for dinner or something.
I am grateful the end of our turn together, was a peaceful one and I have only fond memories. Lots of fond memories.
I’m grateful I learned I can be a loving person but the person I love might not love me back the way I deserve. No amount of love can change someone else.
I am grateful to have been totally loved, understood, and appreciated for being perfectly imperfect. The bar was set high and I have never met anyone else to move me that way. To quote someone, ” It was not for how she loved me, but for how the mere mention of her name silenced all my demons” ~unknown.
He was very conservative about his culture and I am from a different culture. He essentially wanted to change me and have me learn his language and assimilate. I wasn’t able to think clearly about these things when I was younger, but now I definitely can.
I learned not to lose myself in a relationship. I jumped in with no hesitation and gave it my all, turning my back on my own wants/needs in the process, and now I know to be more careful. I loved him with everything I had but I quit loving myself. I won’t do that again.
I am very grateful I didn’t end up with my first love
I am grateful I didn’t settle any longer and instead I was set free this was after coming out of an 18 year relationship.
I see a lot of negative comments, and Im empathising with each one. Mine wasn’t the healthiest relationship ever too, nothing abusive, just teenage mistakes, but thats how I grew and learnt about myself.
However, I will be forever grateful to him for dancing with me in the rain, for bringing me sweet treats in the middle of the night while he lived on the opposite side of the town, for asking around if Im okay years after our breakup while I was going through some rough patches, for coming to all of my shows even after we ended things.
I never knew the extend of his presence in my life until many years later, when he was already happily married and I was also in another relationship. We reminisced about it all, realised we had grown up to be really different and it wouldn’t have worked out, but I am so so so very happy I got to experience that teenage love high. Everything seemed possible then, no walls, no hurt, just raw emotion. Consumed me, but so worth experiencing. The best thing he ever did for me was let me go explore who I am without him in my life.
He made up excuses upon excuses of not wanting to be each other’s first times and i was young and naive. I let it go because I wasn’t going to force him and I was so in love. He dumped me and fucked his new girlfriend almost immediately. Really fucked up my self esteem for awhile.
Finding other partners I loved and enjoying intermittent lone wolf phases to spread my wings
I’m grateful for the one I did end up with.
I get to meet my current partner and get to know how toxic the first love was
That I saw the red flags despite being young (early twenties), and putting up a big red NOPE when he tried to reconnect years later. He actually used his therapy to get me to support him, saying he couldn’t get over me and his therapist told him he should get closer by talking with me. He very quickly called me a slut and basically slut-shamed me after I shared how was able to effectively move on from the relationship, and that he could find his own way in his own time.
Disaster averted 🎉
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Without him, I wouldn’t have known my true love. I thank
Knowing that I need a guy who can challenge me intellectually.
The entire trajectory of my life would have been changed. Would still be in a religion I was desperate to leave, wouldn’t have followed my dream creative career instead, would be married to a bald man…
I’m so grateful to be away from his abusive family. They completely ruined me financially, and were verbally abusive to myself and my daughter. I feel like I can actually breathe these days rather than permanently walking on eggshells.
I’m grateful that my prefrontal cortex developed. Whew.
That we can still be friends, more than a decade later, with no residual feelings on either side, and nothing but respect for one another.
My first love is an alcoholic and vehicularly manslaughtered somebody while drunk. I’m grateful we broke up!
I feel like I learned a lot of important lessons about what I want and need in a relationship
my first love taught me how a man will act when he loves you. he set my standards for my future partner to be high. how i felt in that relationship (safe, stable, peaceful) is what i look for in my other relationships.
we broke up but he’s still my friend and we love each other platonically. but i know that if i call him up at 4am in the morning bc im lost or if i have an emergency, he WILL be there. i’m eternally grateful for our relationship x
It helped me grow up but hurt like hell
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Grateful I have my kids and that they and I learned what not to tolerate from a man.
I’m grateful we both grew up and found our forever people.
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Well when I occasionally met him many years later,
I felt happy and grateful that it didn’t work out for us both. He didn’t age well in any respect. Not only talking about his physical appearance.
Glad I learned that I want a partner, not just a person I like or admire.
Honestly? I’m grateful for the heartbreak. Sounds weird but feeling that kind of pain and surviving it made me realize how strong I am. Plus it helped me recognize real love when it finally came along.
That we didn’t have kids together. I was so ready to settle down at 19 but he wasn’t. Now I see him struggling to co parent with his three ex wives and I’m thankful that heartbreak forced me to grow up before having children of my own.
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He sucked lmaooo people change and grow
I’m grateful for my first and all the past loves I had, that taught me to grow as a person and what I want in a partner moving forward.
Um I was 18, was I supposed to marry him? I’m grateful I had a fuller life before settling down and having children.
He taught me love is not enough. He was a bad partner but all the feels were great.
So glad it didn’t work out, I would have had some bad years lost to him.
My first love was a genuinely good man who showed me what love, sex, and romantic relationships can be like at their best.
He gave me a healthy model for relationships that set me up well for the rest of my life. I was too young at the time to have settled down with him – I was 17 when we met and he was four years older than me – and that was the reason I broke up with him. I needed to be single as an adult, explore my sexuality, be independent, figure out who I was, etc. But he gave me the grounding to do that from a place of self-worth and quiet confidence.
I realise how lucky I was to have this experience and I’m eternally grateful.
Oh god, everything! I got to live, experience, and truly figure out the kind of person I am and the kind of person I wanted to be with.
As it was my first love expectations were higher than they should have been.
Reflecting back on the experience it would be the great memories that left a lasting impact.
I’m grateful I didn’t get pregnant from my first love. Cuz that would have been awful.
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I’m grateful for the experience of having a first love and learning that “meant to be” isn’t realistic when you’re 16.
My first love cheated on me with a co worker. Before that, we would often get into fights and ended up being hurt. But we were genuinely happy until he met that woman. I’m glad that im slowly healing amd realizing that I deserve someone better.
That I didn’t end up with my first love. He was a lovely guy, but… it wouldn’t have worked. We were too different.
I’m grateful for the breakup. That I know that sexual coercion is a thing, that I’m allowed to not be in the mood for sex. That I should be able to express my feelings and issues in the relationship without it being flipped into me reassuring and apologizing. That I shouldn’t just “let” a man sit on top of me and grope me as he jacks off because since I didn’t want sex it was the least I could do. I’m grateful that I know you shouldn’t be wishing for sex to be over in the middle of it.
Understanding that love/marriage involves evaluating if his/her family is something you can accept