Hi US Parents of Reddit!
My husband and I are hoping to start a family soon but I feel so overwhelmed with the logistics (physical, financial, etc.) of it all. How do y’all make it work?
We are on-track to make an offer on a home later this year. Ideally, after we’re moved in, we continue saving for another year before we try having a child. Not sure if it matters, but I am not exactly too keen on the concept of conception (lol sorry I had to), and we have discussed adoption and foster-to-adopt pathways.
We make under 250K combined, and we are located in a HCOL (hello, Bay Area!) town in California. He works long hours from home, while I have a hybrid schedule which requires me to commute to the city 3x a week. My commute takes roughly an hour each way, meaning I am away from home for 11 hours a day, 3x a week. Depending on where we end up owning a home, my commute time could go up to 1.5hrs each way.
On top of all of that, my husband is in a niche tech space. I’m sure everyone has noticed that the tech industry has been so tenuous in the last few years; in fact, he was unemployed for over a year after being laid off. And he makes 70% of our income. I, on the other hand, work for a small business that, while profitable, can only offer me so much in terms of linear mobility. I’m in operations, don’t possess a special skill to leverage, and so I feel extremely lucky to have the job I do now.
So yeah, how do parents afford: mortgage, utilities, day-to-day expenses, childcare, saving for emergencies, travel, college fund, retirement???
In my mind, the only way to make it work is if one of us quit our jobs, and move out of California. He’s originally from the south, where real estate and general cost of living is way lower, which is why we are not discounting that possibility. But as a SEA woman, it’s hard to imagine having the same quality of life over there. Besides, while he would have extended family and friends in the area, I do not, so my immediate support system would be physically unreachable.
Whether you’re in my neck of the woods or not, I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you in advance!
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My husband and I both live in a hcol area in Cali as well. We make about half as much as you and I’m pregnant with our third. We have our cars payed off, a tiny apartment, and we both work at a school that gives us a discount on daycare and preschool (which is HUGE for us).
Honestly, I waited til I was 35 before I had my first kid and I was more established in my career.
I had my first at 35, my second at 37, and now I’m 40 and it’s worked out great for me.
>So yeah, how do parents afford: mortgage, utilities, day-to-day expenses, childcare, saving for emergencies,
travel, college fund, retirement???Barely, and that’s after editing your question.
Also, block any social media account that tries to pretend like they’re traveling on some magically cheap formula. It’s either generational wealth or they’re buried in debt. Don’t compare yourself to anyone.
We were old af before having our one kid and were super financially stable by then. I have absolutely no idea how people do it these days, and I have no idea how it can be done with more than 1 kid. Do people just not have retirement accounts, maybe?
We had our kids late-35 and 40. It will also depend on what kind of childhood you want for them. If you are concerned about extracurricular activity. We were and so we went remote and moved a low cost of living area.
My husband is a high earner. That’s really it.
As others have said, the big challenge is going to be childcare. Cost is one part, but also the fact that most places don’t want to watch kids for 11-12 hours. Typical around here (also day area) is 8-5:30 or 6. That sounds like it could be a challenge for your schedules unless you can offset your days so one person drops off and the other picks up or something.
You may or may not be able to have all of those things. But you make as much as you can, live in the best place you can, plan the best support you can – paid for or family and do your best.
Gtfo of Cali, that’s how.
Moving out of hcol area. I’m from one of the top 5 hcol cities, but wanted children fairly early. So to prioritize children, I moved away to a much more affordable area. Yes I took a pay cut, but earning 70% of what I used to make while buying a house that’s 25% of the cost of a house in my previous area was worth it.
My mom has lived with me since my daughter was 18 months old. She saved me like a hundred thousand dollars in child care easy over the last 12 years.