My daughter’s mom, after she left me for someone else. Three months after she left me, the guy she left me for got sent to prison. She automatically thought I was gonna take her back. I told her she was an idiot if she thought I was gonna take her back.
If your girlfriend or wife dumped you, but then later came back trying to reconcile. What did you do? Did you give them another shot, or was it a hard pass?
r/AskMen
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/Melodic_Abalone_2820’s post (if available):
My daughter’s mom, after she left me for someone else. Three months after she left me, the guy she left got sent to prison. She automatically thought I was gonna take her back. I told her she was an idiot if she thought I was gonna take her back.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Nope, the door is closed. They made that choice and they’re going to deal with it
I am not someone’s second choice or backup plan.
I would not take her back and would try to coparent effectively. But quite frankly I would tell her I would never trust her again and any vows or promises we made to each other ended when she left. She should only talk to me about the kid from now on and only via text message or court mandated app if it gets there.
Simple as that.
Always, always, always a hard pass. If they’re not emotionally mature enough to stay the first time, there’s no way they became mature enough in the interim. They’re basically saying to you “I thought I could do better than you so left you. Then I realised I can’t do better than you and want you back.”
You, on the other hand, can do way better than them.
You made the right decision. You were the second choice until something “better” came along. She dumped you. The “better” ended up being a convict. Now she’s back… until the next shiny thing comes along. Do not take her back. Establish strong boundaries and focus on effective five coparenting. Move on.
I repeatedly gave a chance after chance, I eventually decdided that once it’s over it should be over forever
My ex of 15 years left me with the kids and 3 months later asked to come back and then again around Christmas time. Both times I didn’t acknowledge it. She never apologized. Never had a pleasant thing to say to me after she left and then thought I would just take her back that easy.
[removed]
My college girlfriend dumped me and then came back a few weeks later and I took her back. Should have never done that, married her and she finally left me for good after 5.5 years of marriage. Found out she left me the first time due to a crush at school and that guy wasn’t interested (she had given me other reasons and I did have things I needed to work on and still do so I addressed those and thought that was why she came back, only much later did I learn about the other guy who wasn’t in to her).
Dude!! No way!!
You only get 1 shot at all of this
My wife and I separated after a lot of issues, but I finally left when she wanted an open marriage, slept with a friend, refused to let me sleep with anyone else, and refused to stop seeing him.
Three weeks later I had a new girlfriend.
But about six months after, emotions had cooled, and we sat down and decided to date a bit. See if anything could be rekindled.
We honestly, logically, gave it a shot. But we came to the conclusion that everything that drove us apart the first time was still there. We calmly decided to stay apart.
We stayed friends for almost 8 years after the divorce until circumstances just made us drift. No big falling out. Just longer and longer between talking. Finally realized we didn’t need to still be around each other.
I called her a cunt and hung up.
Hard pass.
Never. I don’t give second chances.
Hard pass. Never be someone’s second choice. They chose to leave, so hold them to that decision. Then you go live a better life with someone more appreciative of your presence.
These stories here…
My ex wanted to get back together after 7 years of being apart. The guy she married cheated on her and got caught for embezzlement. After the divorce she was a single mom living with her parents.
I laughed at her when she contacted me about restarting our relationship.
I was in a long term relationship and was perfectly happy without her.
Sounds like she got her just desserts. Funny how she is abandoning that guy to go back to the guy she abandoned. You are a lot better than this women. Sorry that she is the mother of your child.
I gave her a shot but I could only think to myself that if I take her back and we get married, what if she does the same thing again?
After that I broke up with her and never talked to her again.
Good man.
Context matters.
My ex dumped me to leave for school, and long distance wasn’t going to work for either of us. If she came back and we both wanted to try, then I’d consider it.
But most of the time it’s a hard pass
Depends on the breakup. Did we mutually agree that it wasn’t working out between us, and we’ve had some time to grow and change? Maybe. Did this get sprung on me, and you’re back within a month? Ya, no, your other option that you dumped me for didn’t want you? Neither do I.
To everyone that is sexually active,
Proof of a current clean bill of health from a trustworthy clinic should be required before each and every partner involved.
Personal safety is more important than instant gratification.
Effffff No. Sorry sweetheart, you forced my hand, and now that ship has sailed.
Never ever go backwards
Hard pass. Maybe I should have given her another chance, she was confused and manipulated, not a bad person, but if it happened once, who’s to say it won’t happen again?
often I used to in my teens and early to mid twenties. essentially every woman I’ve ever been with, except maybe one, has done this. two I took back more than once. were i not currently very happily married I would seriously consider even if they came to me today.
one was my first real gf, who I was long distance with. we were very good but the distance killed it, as it always does.
the other was my most serious SO besides my wife. we broke up and got back together 3 times. all 1 month apart. I think both of us regretted our final breakup. we spent a week together a year later, and it was wonderful… but I was just never her number 1, and she was younger. she wanted to spend time living, not to settle down. Shes the one that would be hardest to turn down.
i don’t think just because things don’t work the first time they’re doomed to fail. it’s all about timing,
I’ve tried to reconcile after a break. But getting dumped for another guy and crawling back cause you found out he was a asshole or felon? Not so much
It’s a one way street, there is no going backwards. That’s how I’ve always looked at relationships and it’s turned out very well for myself.
I gave my ex a shot again after she left me to get back with her ex and lied to me about it.
What a fucking mistake.
The absence isn’t going to magically repair why they left you in the first place. Whatever the issue, with them or that they had with you, is going to show up again.
First rule of relationships: never take back a cheater.
Second rule of relationships: never take back a cheater.
Had a gf who walked away with some guy for a one night stand. A couple of months later, her sister approached me about getting back with her.
I laughed and said, “Like that would ever happen.”
Good call OP.
I gave many chances after my (ex)wife left me for a woman, then a man (to make sure), then a woman, then the first woman again, then another woman.
When at last she said she wanted us to “really be together” in the house I was buying I was relieved and happy. When she showed up, she was so happy too! And explained to me that I could have the master bedroom and she and her girlfriend would take the corner bedroom.
It had been 3 years since the first time she left. I finally stopped thinking of “us”, and explained to her that she should leave now and was free to make any life she wanted as long as it didn’t involve me. She was surprised.
People get back together ALL the time. If everyone followed Reddit advice, nobody would be in a relationship. The world would be single.
That ship sailed and sank… if she chose another over you once she will do it again. And that may not be a reflection of you as a man or of your character but a reflection of hers. Do not let this moment weigh you down, but find a way to properly covalent your child amicably
She’ll do it over and over again.
Hard pass. I’ll never date somebody again until, if anything, years later.
A causal girlfriend wanting to be casual again? Yeah sure.
A longterm committed girlfriend wanting to try again? Absolutely not.
There might be a change of mind, but never a change of heart.
My dude, stay away. Bad news all around. The guy she decided to bounce for went to prison. She is not trustworthy and has no common sense. Please respect yourself as much as I respect you.
So if you take her back what will happen when the other guy gets out of prison?
In my experience they never want YOU back, they just want a safe place, maybe to feel loved but won’t ever love you back. You’re just “any port in a storm,” and as soon as the storm passes they’ll quickly get underway again.
Some people just can’t be single, or refuse to go it alone, so they’ll hit up an ex (and often think that you’re still hung up on them, get really offended when you’re not. Like them moving on is right but you moving on is betrayal most foul.) just to have someone, until they find someone who deserves them or they deserve.
After a breakup, that’s it. Don’t fall into these yo-yo relationship mind games
Because then breakup just becomes either a manipulation tactic or something that will always be in the cards again
Accept it’s over
If someone is willing to toss you aside for what they think is a better option, you can NEVER trust them again. Hard pass. I had a woman who left her husband who was overseas for me and when I was stationed to Hawaii she left me for the guy who was supposedly going to give her the house and the white picket fence. She called me 6 months after I left the military and wanted to get back together, but it was too late since I was over the heartbreak and with someone else. 💔
So she left you for someone else, then the guy she left you for turned out to be a criminal and she thought you were desperate enough to take her back.
Is she mentally unstable in any way or just stupid?
If they cheat, it’s over. No exceptions.
I worked full-time while going to college full-time too. Got married in college too. Eventually my wife left because she wanted to party more than I had time for. After the divorce, she showed up unannounced at my apartment. My new girlfriend was a bit busty. She opened the door braless in a wife-beater and my boxers. Ex-wife ran off crying. I took petty pleasure in that.
Nope. They only coming back because you’re a safe bet.
It’s not because they love you, or finally figured out that you’re the one and any other BS that they try to guilt trip you into thinking.
Truth and matter of fact was, they believed that they could do better than you. That’s why they left. They are only back because they are spiralling.
Let them sit with their spiral.
Move on, life is too short to be spent on someone who has shown you their true colors. You do well to believe them.
I’d remain on good terms with her if she’s doing her part and co parenting your child. But that’s where the boundaries are. She no longer should have access to your inner circle and private life.
You no longer should care about hers either.
Side track here.
But let’s say that you and a girl are in the courtship phase, starting to get to know one another and deepening the connection but one or both of you are also exploring other options too. And she goes back and forth between you and some other dude she’s also testing, looking into for viability of a relationship.
Would you take her back? Bear in mind, she hasn’t cheated or anything yet and everyone knows that you’re a free agent still.
Hmm this milk is bad, let me put it back in the fridge and try it tomorrow.
Hard pass. I have her a lot of opportunities to take accountability, admit her actions, and many other aspects. But she believed the lies other guys said. She later admitted that they just wanted to sleep with her. Didn’t even bother saying much after that.
No. That’s a big concise no.
We’d be done forever.
95% of the time it’s a bad idea and in your case its a bad idea 195% of the time.
Ahahahahahahahahahaha unlikely I will take her back. She can wait for him to come out of prison and I can enjoy myself without such cheaters
Probably not, but it depends on the reason for all of it.
If you have any doubt, she made a bad choice by wanting jail guy, and then showed you who she is by not owning the mistake and pushing a narrative on you in an attempt to gaslight. What you’ve got a hold of there is a malignant narcissist.
I’d slam the door close in front of her face.
Me and my wife split up for a bit over a year. We never really stopped talking or seeing each other. She dated and I had a roughly year long relationship. We ended up getting back together and it’s been great. We’ve addressed what the issues were and couldn’t be better. Wasn’t a path of choice but has worked out in the end.
I did that once. The girl dumped me to “find herself.” 20-year-olds do that. Came back and said let’s try again, and being a 20 year old guy my penis agreed. Long story short we still dated a while and then my penis changed it’s mind in another girl who was my boss at my first big people job. I swear I was just a passenger during this time of my life.
I think it really depends on the situation, but for you absolutely not. It sounds like she just wants a warm, safe, body that will finance her
Assuming you’d automatically take her back is a red flag for sure but it would really have to depend on what happened and how it went down. It would depend entirely on my feelings towards them, the relationship, and how it ended. It would be difficult for me to make it a hard no but because of that I also can’t really even imagine a scenario where this happens in my own life.
Nope, I’ve already read that book. I know how it ends.
Hell no. I’m not playing those games. You’re an adult that made a choice. You thought long and hard about it and did what you did. If you didn’t think about it then that’s worse and I don’t want to be with someone who is that immature and impulsive.
Absolutely not. Remember, what is valuable is a good girl. This is better kept out of your life as much as you can.
Depends on the reason for the break up and who messed up. Did she leave me for someone else? Nah, not gonna happen.
I’d need really compelling reasons. But probably not.
Never take her back. I don’t even know to what level you should reconcile for the sake of your daughter. But is there really such a need to reconcile? Can’t we stay as strangers? I just want the best for you, for you to stay in your best zone, not to sacrifice mental and physical health for such a person.
Every person I’ve ever loved truly will hold a place in me for good. I see it as a room I made for them with care; they choose to leave and I keep the room just as they left it. The door closes and it stays that way even if they come knocking.
It’s happened to me a bunch in my life. It’s a “no thanks” every time. I’ll probably sleep with them tho.
No matter what, to me an ex is an ex. I don’t care how the break up was, be it amicable or not. I’m never getting back with anybody.
I’ve always been that way.
If my gilfriend dumped you and it was my misgivings, yes. In your case absolutely not. You don’t know when that guy getting out of jail.
I could never look at her again.
Never understood people who break and get back together constantly.
My parents did that shit. I’ve never once thought about hitting up an ex and ‘trying again’ fuck that. And only
Once has one done it to me, I shut that shit down.
I’ve never went back to an ex in my entire life
Some infidelity is so great of a betrayal that reconciling is not possible. And she downgraded from you to a criminal. No way to reconcile with that.
Your daughter’s mother? Your father in laws daughter? Your sister in laws sister? Why not just use ex??
You literally dodged a intercontinental missile bro
I kept moving forward. I won’t be demoted to someone’s placeholder until a shiny new object appears in her life then she leaves again. Good riddance.
Nope. Even after 17 years of marriage. If she ever gets to a point where she walks away. It is over for good.
Would be a very hard “no”. I’m not a pair of shoes you can go back to if the new ones aren’t confortable.
Ask yourself, what was the reason for the relationship ending? Then ask yourself, if that reason is no longer an issue for you? If so, feel free to give it another try. If it’s still an issue then obviously the relationship is still doomed.
Hard pass dude think bout it what happens if or when he gets released
The only time that this would not be an immediately “hell no” reaction from me would be if we had been dating and split up amicably because of a job or educational move, like if you’re high school sweethearts but go to different universities and then get back together, or if your gf gets transferred for a big promotion but manages to find a way to transfer back for an open position back home.