When she came clean about what her medications were for mitigating (BPD)
Obviously there were other red flags, but they tend to be pretty good at masking and painting themselves as a victim of the people in their history. It’s not always really obvious because there are people out there who genuinely just get abused, not everybody with an abuse story has BPD.
Dawned on me after roughly 3 months. The honeymoon phase was over, the pink glasses were put down, and I realized she was mentally a teenager – could hardly make any decision on her own, was highly dependent, and couldn’t hold a serious conversation for longer than two minutes.
It was fun while it lasted, but after noticing all these things, I understood why she’s never broken the 6-month relationship barrier.
If EVERY ex of theirs is crazy, there are three possible explanations.
They are lying about their past relationships
They have absolutely horrible taste in people, situational awareness, and insight
They are actually the crazy one
All three are bad. I’ve never met or dated anyone who claimed all their exes were bad that didn’t turn out to be a dumpster fire themselves. I just didn’t always see it immediately
When during very small disagreements, she would get irrational and say things like “give me back the pillow I got you!” The level of pettiness and score keeping that goes along with such a statement was eye opening. I tossed her the pillow and told her to go on and leave. Instead she got more angry and blamed me on her way out, left the pillow.
Arguements over stupid things or misunderstanding, then she would come back to me and tell me I was right. Even after 20 situations like that, she still couldn’t just agree with me. Rarely said sorry for her mistakes.
Emotional dysregulation, emotional immaturity, emotional reasoning, double standards, not being able to understand my perspectives, fearful avoidant attachment, love bombing, self sabotaging.
The list goes on.
But I was blinded by her beauty and the crazy sex. Behind all of the insane, we did have a beautiful genuine connection that I fought for too long for.
Dated a girl for a week, she started talking about this other dude she liked to make me jealous I guess, I broke up with her and she threatened to off herself. It’s been like 10 years and she’s still single from what I’ve heard
When her frustration tolerance level was so little that having the seat belt give her slight trouble was enough for a near screaming tantrum where she would angrily tug on the buckle. It was a common thing for her to lose her shit at the slightest inconvinence.
Not my girlfriend technically, but was sleeping with her over the course of a year and change.
She said her last ex before her blamed her for cheating. Obviously it was his fault, he decided to cheat.
As harsh and ugly as this sounds, I won’t deny that I can see why he did though. I think she probably very likely cheated on him too, and never told me about it. I don’t know. She’s just a huge flirt but lowkey and private about it. Seems like her life revolves around getting male attention. I don’t want to judge her for that because I think about her a lot and at one point my world seemed to revolve around her. It’s just obviously no way to live if you want to be in a committed exclusive relationship with somebody.
Edit:
Thanks for reading r/AskMen, and goodbye. The mods don’t like when I criticize mods from other subreddits. Guess I was kinda mean to the poor powerless not-power-deprived-at-all mod from r/sex. Oh well.
It’s still the cheaters fault always in the end. If you suspect you’re being cheated on, it is best to end the relationship. Only in the tiniest minority of cases is that not what one should do.
She was a case study for avoidant attachment. Said she never had a boyfriend in the last 10 years but had dozens of situationships, didn’t want monogamy or any kind of commitment, was super flaky and lived her life in extremes.
It was sad because I could tell deep down she wanted love and affection but had problems giving and receiving it.
Addiction. She was a wonderfully sweet, kind, generous woman, but knowing that was what she did to cope was heartbreaking. Had a lot of trauma.
It’s not so much the one who got away, more I hope she could quit.
If that’s too wholesome, briefly considered dating another woman who got drunk every weekend and into fights. Like expecting others to save her. Hell no. She was beautiful but absolutely unhinged. Hid it well. Also, heard she hit her ex. Noped out of that one.
While being lonely can suck, the alternative can be legitimately worse.
so a few of my Girlfriends friends broke up with their boyfriends. she would come home from ladies night and make my week hell afterwards. then I got a chance to take a month long trip in 3 months. suddenly our relationship was amazing. she came home from ladies nights excited and our sex life was “as if for the last time” each night. when it came time to take my trip it got postponed for 2 month. My Girlfriend seemed oddly put out. confused and distracted, unable to tell me what was wrong. then 2 of the best months ever. by now all her girlfriends were in relationships again and she came home after a girls night and I said “everyone is so happy with how great our relationship is going, why do you think it improved so much?”. I said “well, when you heard I was leaving for a month you never argued or fought with me, you seemed to take my delay personally yet you could not tell me what that was about, then we have had 2 more months of just enjoying each other. So I think your friends all broke up with their boyfriends. they then convinced you to break up with me when I left for a month, that got delayed and now they all have boyfriends and we are on 5 months of the best our relationship has ever been. Is that right? she looked confused but figured that since I didnt seem upset it was ok to admit that she had in fact meant to break up with me 5 months ago and had indeed changed her mind. I then asked “when you go for coffee on mondays to be alone and do the crosswords, do you actually meet your ex boyfriends best friend?”. this surprised her again but it was true, they had been meeting at least once a week secretly for 5 month. she asked if I was angry. I said “no, I think your plan of breaking up with me when I go on this trip is a great idea”. so she didnt understand what that meant until the day before the trip my friends showed up to help me move all my things into storage. she even said “but we were so happy!”. She was happy because she was single for 5 months all while enjoying the benefits of having a boyfriend.
The signs are usually there much earlier then you think. Most people just choose to ignore them because their genitals and hearts are in control.
The whole “ill fix them” “that trait wont last”.
Nah. Rose colored glasses. People only change when theier bad habits hurt them badly enough to force a change or when someone does their habit back at them.
Most folks create some…fantasy. a character of the person. And when the reality of the perdon shows thru. They get mad.
Either A) the person created the facade and hid behind it.
Or B) the viewer created the fantasy and got mad when realtiy didnt meet their expectation.
The shit you ignore in the beginning. The stuff your “gut instinct”. . Your brain is saying “hey. This isnt good” .. thats what will end the relationship in the end.
Folks will ignore their own Mechanic when buying a car. “Ill fix it”. Because they get so wrapped up in the pretty paintjob. That they ignore the burnt rubber all over behihind the drivewheels. The fuel smell thats indicative of a leak. Or milky oil or coolant.
Sometimes. The seller is being shady. But theres plenty of times the buyer is so enraptured they refuse to do whats good for them or be honest to themselves even in ugly ways.
Nobody is percect and we all have flaws. Yes. Acceptance works both ways. But theres absolutely times you are signing yourself up to be the punching bag for issues that were evident to everyone else whos feelings werent in the game.
The friend that tells you shes cheating. Isnt trying to hurt you. They are trying to stop the infection before it gets worse for you.
Be the brother/sister/friend/parent/”mechanic friend” to yourself.
The flags are there. Thats why we call them redflags.
It seemed fine early on when it was mostly just us hanging out. Once we started branching out into groups more it was clear she had no idea how to engage with other people. She talked loud and over top of everyone, rarely listened and was often insulting. Her only real friends as far as i could tell were long distance and they just talked online which made sense cause it was rough spending time in person with her in anything other than 1-on-1 (and getting laid at some point).
The weekend before i broke up with her we went camping with one of her friends who lived 6hrs away. We went to a party campsite next to ours for a bit but i just couldnt be around her in that group after a bit of listening to her be an asshole so i just went back to our campsite. Her friend and bf joined me and we all were having a good time and interacting well. Eventually my gf wore her welcome out with that group and came back to us and it instantly changed the dynamic as no one wanted to talk cause it would guarantee she would take over whatever the conversation was and she was in a bad mood because she essentially had been told by several people whether directly or indirectly to pound sand.
She became a teacher and needed multiple tries to pass the last exams. Her auditors said to her that she isnt for the job and it would be irresponsible to let her work with kids.
She was devastated and I very angry because it didnt make sense. She was such a sweet girl.
Half a year later I understood. She had no use for me anymore and showed her real face. Lying, ending the relationship via WhatsApp, terrorized me and destroyed my friend group. Nobody knows why. Her Mother told me that she had a lot of relationships and always ended them like this. Apparently she didnt had herself under control and at some point would go nuts. This was amplified at school as the kids made her become stressed.
Cant trust anyone. She now works as teacher btw. I hope nothing wild happens.
When she told me how shitty her ex husband was. Or maybe when her kids more or less confirmed it.
Honestly, she wasn’t single for long before we fell in love. She dated around for mere months after her divorce and each partner tried to keep her after she broke it off with them to be exclusive with me. She’s honestly quite a catch.
Very early on. My wife is an introvert and it took some effort to get her to say okay to a date. I suspect that few people had the willpower to stick with it. We have been married for 30 years now. It was worth the effort.
Genuinely? I tend to go for “mean” girls. I just have to find the line between “assertive; will tell me what to do” and “screaming and violent.”
So when I met a girl that was highly sexual and assertive, like. Absolutely. Down. Happy. Let’s do this.
Probably our third day waking up together, she spills milk in the bed. She was eating cereal. I just snap to action, start cleaning–I sure don’t want a milk stained bed–and the whole time she’s screaming “FUCKING HELL! FUCKIN’ A! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST BULLSHIT! DON’T CLEAN UP AFTER MILK! YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IF I’M OKAY! DO YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?”
Took a few years for it to escalate to hitting. Took 10 to get free. I wasn’t even young. I just was in my mid-20s, ugly, and thought “This is probably the finest girl I’ll ever get to have sex with me and she says she wants kids. We can take this.”
“because of my BPD people abandon me after 6 months.” people say that with the therapy they can become much healthier, but the stigma is dead on accurate. someday someone will have to force her to get help, or she dies however it happens.
When I met not her ex, but her friend group. No one was as accomplished, as polished, as beautiful, or a kind as her, and you could tell in about five minutes that they resented her for it. She was the punching bag of far too many jokes for it to be passed off as exclusively playful, but she rolled with it because these were her “friends.”
They seemingly sabotaged her at every turn to keep her single while they found relationships so they finally “had” something on her. It was brutal. I could only feign support for those friendships for so long before I finally told her what it looked like from the outside looking in.
When she told me she had turned down paid paralegal training at her job(was then a legal assistant). I was surprised since that is like a unicorn of a work place benefit, and she told me it was because she expected to be pregnant and a stay at home mom within the next few years and so didn’t see the point. It was at this point I realized her laziness combined with her frivolous spending habits were a huge red flag and I had to bail lol.
Honestly about a year after me and my ex split we tried for the second time to make a friendship work but I very quickly realised everyone was right about her being manipulative. She always had to be right and would blame others for her faults, not to mention narcissistic af too. Blessed to have an amazing support network to help me through that
My ex is honestly a lovely person. There was a day where i just realized our energy levels are way off from each other. Shes VERY gregarious and go go go. I equally love a day hiking and a day rotting on the couch watching movies. We joke that she has golden retriever energy.
Shes out traveling the country now as an up and coming musician. I’m really proud of her.
One was super clingy, like I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without checking in first. (This was pre-cell phone I came back to 5 messages on my answering machine)
One was just kept trying to break out stupid catchphrases. I realized at some point the only thing we had in common was our sex drive. We had GREAT sex so unfortunately it took me forever to figure out.
One didn’t get social cues. I “acted different around my friends” so she thought we were fighting or something. Said WAY unhinged shit.
One literally punched me in the face.
One broke up with me to date a woman.
One from college didn’t even want to split visits.
One I caught cheating…like “SURPRISE! Hey why you kissing that dude?”
One refused to show any physical affection (I mean like I couldn’t even hug her)
Annnnnd one was weirdly possessive, I needed to constantly show PDA so “everyone knew I was hers”
I’m sure there’s more but that’s what comes to mind right now.
Realized she spends every possible moment with her family. She’s already married to her family. And has a weird codependency that goes beyond normal family love.
99% of dudes don’t want to hang out with your family every single goddamn weekend sweetheart.
She’s crazy as hell and will fight cops like it’s nobody’s business and has absolutely murdered people before in a foreign country. Some people see that and run, I just think it’s nice that when something goes bump in the night I can hand her a gun and she’ll have my back. Her biggest downside is she thinks the entire world is racist. Sometimes it’s not racism sometimes people are just dicks.
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Unhealed childhood trauma’s, abusive exes and ADHD
When she started arguing with the GPS and it was winning.
When our relationship ended and her actions showed that she probably wasn’t single when we got together like she said she was
I won’t say much but I understand why her parents didn’t love her
When she came clean about what her medications were for mitigating (BPD)
Obviously there were other red flags, but they tend to be pretty good at masking and painting themselves as a victim of the people in their history. It’s not always really obvious because there are people out there who genuinely just get abused, not everybody with an abuse story has BPD.
She told me her ex left her cause she was clingy and possessive I thought he would be missing out. I should have seen the signs
Well, she is trying to tell me that “she was waiting for the perfect guy for 7 years” and now she found him in me.
Which makes no sense, since I’m nowhere near “perfect”.
So I guess I’m still trying to find out.
She’s shy and moved to a different country.
This question is fucking incredible.
Bravo.
When she wanted me to share my location with her, but saw a problem with sharing hers.
When I met her ex. She dodged a real bullet.
Dawned on me after roughly 3 months. The honeymoon phase was over, the pink glasses were put down, and I realized she was mentally a teenager – could hardly make any decision on her own, was highly dependent, and couldn’t hold a serious conversation for longer than two minutes.
It was fun while it lasted, but after noticing all these things, I understood why she’s never broken the 6-month relationship barrier.
If EVERY ex of theirs is crazy, there are three possible explanations.
They are lying about their past relationships
They have absolutely horrible taste in people, situational awareness, and insight
They are actually the crazy one
All three are bad. I’ve never met or dated anyone who claimed all their exes were bad that didn’t turn out to be a dumpster fire themselves. I just didn’t always see it immediately
When I started realizing just how many jobs she had while we were together and why every single time she left it was someone else’s fault.
Constant need for external validation. Extremely explosive temper and suicidal tendencies. Retail addiction. Credit card debt
When during very small disagreements, she would get irrational and say things like “give me back the pillow I got you!” The level of pettiness and score keeping that goes along with such a statement was eye opening. I tossed her the pillow and told her to go on and leave. Instead she got more angry and blamed me on her way out, left the pillow.
Ex gf from a year ago, stopped speaking to me for a week shortly after we started dating.
“Just to see if you were too needy” was her answer to why.
Suffice to say i ended things.
I was single for over a decade before that, I’m happy with my own company lol. She was my “welcome back to dating” haha.
Luckily found a good one now, things can always get better. Gotta just put yourself out there and not put up with poor behaviour.
When she wasn’t my girlfriend anymore.
Before we got together
Arguements over stupid things or misunderstanding, then she would come back to me and tell me I was right. Even after 20 situations like that, she still couldn’t just agree with me. Rarely said sorry for her mistakes.
Emotional dysregulation, emotional immaturity, emotional reasoning, double standards, not being able to understand my perspectives, fearful avoidant attachment, love bombing, self sabotaging.
The list goes on.
But I was blinded by her beauty and the crazy sex. Behind all of the insane, we did have a beautiful genuine connection that I fought for too long for.
Dated a girl for a week, she started talking about this other dude she liked to make me jealous I guess, I broke up with her and she threatened to off herself. It’s been like 10 years and she’s still single from what I’ve heard
When her frustration tolerance level was so little that having the seat belt give her slight trouble was enough for a near screaming tantrum where she would angrily tug on the buckle. It was a common thing for her to lose her shit at the slightest inconvinence.
Not my girlfriend technically, but was sleeping with her over the course of a year and change.
She said her last ex before her blamed her for cheating. Obviously it was his fault, he decided to cheat.
As harsh and ugly as this sounds, I won’t deny that I can see why he did though. I think she probably very likely cheated on him too, and never told me about it. I don’t know. She’s just a huge flirt but lowkey and private about it. Seems like her life revolves around getting male attention. I don’t want to judge her for that because I think about her a lot and at one point my world seemed to revolve around her. It’s just obviously no way to live if you want to be in a committed exclusive relationship with somebody.
Edit:
Thanks for reading r/AskMen, and goodbye. The mods don’t like when I criticize mods from other subreddits. Guess I was kinda mean to the poor powerless not-power-deprived-at-all mod from r/sex. Oh well.
It’s still the cheaters fault always in the end. If you suspect you’re being cheated on, it is best to end the relationship. Only in the tiniest minority of cases is that not what one should do.
She was a case study for avoidant attachment. Said she never had a boyfriend in the last 10 years but had dozens of situationships, didn’t want monogamy or any kind of commitment, was super flaky and lived her life in extremes.
It was sad because I could tell deep down she wanted love and affection but had problems giving and receiving it.
That’s the thing though, she was not single 😵
Addiction. She was a wonderfully sweet, kind, generous woman, but knowing that was what she did to cope was heartbreaking. Had a lot of trauma.
It’s not so much the one who got away, more I hope she could quit.
If that’s too wholesome, briefly considered dating another woman who got drunk every weekend and into fights. Like expecting others to save her. Hell no. She was beautiful but absolutely unhinged. Hid it well. Also, heard she hit her ex. Noped out of that one.
While being lonely can suck, the alternative can be legitimately worse.
When her mom gave me the same side-eye her daughter did.
When I found bread crumbs in the butter…
Unresolved sexual assault by a family member.
When she fucked half a dozen guys behind my back and gave me chlamydia
Past trauma blah blah blah. At some point you gotta take ownership of your life.
so a few of my Girlfriends friends broke up with their boyfriends. she would come home from ladies night and make my week hell afterwards. then I got a chance to take a month long trip in 3 months. suddenly our relationship was amazing. she came home from ladies nights excited and our sex life was “as if for the last time” each night. when it came time to take my trip it got postponed for 2 month. My Girlfriend seemed oddly put out. confused and distracted, unable to tell me what was wrong. then 2 of the best months ever. by now all her girlfriends were in relationships again and she came home after a girls night and I said “everyone is so happy with how great our relationship is going, why do you think it improved so much?”. I said “well, when you heard I was leaving for a month you never argued or fought with me, you seemed to take my delay personally yet you could not tell me what that was about, then we have had 2 more months of just enjoying each other. So I think your friends all broke up with their boyfriends. they then convinced you to break up with me when I left for a month, that got delayed and now they all have boyfriends and we are on 5 months of the best our relationship has ever been. Is that right? she looked confused but figured that since I didnt seem upset it was ok to admit that she had in fact meant to break up with me 5 months ago and had indeed changed her mind. I then asked “when you go for coffee on mondays to be alone and do the crosswords, do you actually meet your ex boyfriends best friend?”. this surprised her again but it was true, they had been meeting at least once a week secretly for 5 month. she asked if I was angry. I said “no, I think your plan of breaking up with me when I go on this trip is a great idea”. so she didnt understand what that meant until the day before the trip my friends showed up to help me move all my things into storage. she even said “but we were so happy!”. She was happy because she was single for 5 months all while enjoying the benefits of having a boyfriend.
The signs are usually there much earlier then you think. Most people just choose to ignore them because their genitals and hearts are in control.
The whole “ill fix them” “that trait wont last”.
Nah. Rose colored glasses. People only change when theier bad habits hurt them badly enough to force a change or when someone does their habit back at them.
Most folks create some…fantasy. a character of the person. And when the reality of the perdon shows thru. They get mad.
Either A) the person created the facade and hid behind it.
Or B) the viewer created the fantasy and got mad when realtiy didnt meet their expectation.
The shit you ignore in the beginning. The stuff your “gut instinct”. . Your brain is saying “hey. This isnt good” .. thats what will end the relationship in the end.
Folks will ignore their own Mechanic when buying a car. “Ill fix it”. Because they get so wrapped up in the pretty paintjob. That they ignore the burnt rubber all over behihind the drivewheels. The fuel smell thats indicative of a leak. Or milky oil or coolant.
Sometimes. The seller is being shady. But theres plenty of times the buyer is so enraptured they refuse to do whats good for them or be honest to themselves even in ugly ways.
Nobody is percect and we all have flaws. Yes. Acceptance works both ways. But theres absolutely times you are signing yourself up to be the punching bag for issues that were evident to everyone else whos feelings werent in the game.
The friend that tells you shes cheating. Isnt trying to hurt you. They are trying to stop the infection before it gets worse for you.
Be the brother/sister/friend/parent/”mechanic friend” to yourself.
The flags are there. Thats why we call them redflags.
She started getting super clingy. Like would put up a ton of resistance every time I’d try to leave
It seemed fine early on when it was mostly just us hanging out. Once we started branching out into groups more it was clear she had no idea how to engage with other people. She talked loud and over top of everyone, rarely listened and was often insulting. Her only real friends as far as i could tell were long distance and they just talked online which made sense cause it was rough spending time in person with her in anything other than 1-on-1 (and getting laid at some point).
The weekend before i broke up with her we went camping with one of her friends who lived 6hrs away. We went to a party campsite next to ours for a bit but i just couldnt be around her in that group after a bit of listening to her be an asshole so i just went back to our campsite. Her friend and bf joined me and we all were having a good time and interacting well. Eventually my gf wore her welcome out with that group and came back to us and it instantly changed the dynamic as no one wanted to talk cause it would guarantee she would take over whatever the conversation was and she was in a bad mood because she essentially had been told by several people whether directly or indirectly to pound sand.
She became a teacher and needed multiple tries to pass the last exams. Her auditors said to her that she isnt for the job and it would be irresponsible to let her work with kids.
She was devastated and I very angry because it didnt make sense. She was such a sweet girl.
Half a year later I understood. She had no use for me anymore and showed her real face. Lying, ending the relationship via WhatsApp, terrorized me and destroyed my friend group. Nobody knows why. Her Mother told me that she had a lot of relationships and always ended them like this. Apparently she didnt had herself under control and at some point would go nuts. This was amplified at school as the kids made her become stressed.
Cant trust anyone. She now works as teacher btw. I hope nothing wild happens.
I haven’t.
I assume I got to bat before anyone else had a chance since they just moved in.
But hey I got lucky, and the only way they will be single again if they realize the error of their ways and divorce me. 😂
When she said that accepting female friend requests on Facebook is equal to cheating.
When I found out here her mom was married to her seventh husband. And had buried 5 of them.
My girlfriend has never been alone. That’s not good either (?)
Unresolved childhood trauma, Temper and my personal favorite doesn’t know how to communicate.
Bonus Round: Does not flirt or know how to flirt.
When she told me how shitty her ex husband was. Or maybe when her kids more or less confirmed it.
Honestly, she wasn’t single for long before we fell in love. She dated around for mere months after her divorce and each partner tried to keep her after she broke it off with them to be exclusive with me. She’s honestly quite a catch.
I love her and all, but my girlfriend has buckets worth of leftover trauma from her previous relationship.
When i started dealing with everything the ex husband said she did to him. Leopards don’t lose their spots
When she threatened me with a knife and started stabbing the bed cuz I wouldn’t wanna drink more with her.
Never asks questions back or initiates conversation.
Never asks questions back or initiates a conversation unless its about her
Daddy issues of abandonment that prevented her from trusting men
Very early on. My wife is an introvert and it took some effort to get her to say okay to a date. I suspect that few people had the willpower to stick with it. We have been married for 30 years now. It was worth the effort.
Genuinely? I tend to go for “mean” girls. I just have to find the line between “assertive; will tell me what to do” and “screaming and violent.”
So when I met a girl that was highly sexual and assertive, like. Absolutely. Down. Happy. Let’s do this.
Probably our third day waking up together, she spills milk in the bed. She was eating cereal. I just snap to action, start cleaning–I sure don’t want a milk stained bed–and the whole time she’s screaming “FUCKING HELL! FUCKIN’ A! THIS IS THE STUPIDEST BULLSHIT! DON’T CLEAN UP AFTER MILK! YOU SHOULD BE ASKING IF I’M OKAY! DO YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?”
Took a few years for it to escalate to hitting. Took 10 to get free. I wasn’t even young. I just was in my mid-20s, ugly, and thought “This is probably the finest girl I’ll ever get to have sex with me and she says she wants kids. We can take this.”
When she wouldn’t put in effort to become healthy, even a simple walk around the block was too much effort.
When she used her dreams to support her side in an argument.
“because of my BPD people abandon me after 6 months.” people say that with the therapy they can become much healthier, but the stigma is dead on accurate. someday someone will have to force her to get help, or she dies however it happens.
After we were married 🤦
About 20 years into the marriage……
I haven’t realized it yet. I think she’s amazing and has her head screwed on straight.
Funniest title I have seen in a minute. Lmao. Relatable.
When she texted me a picture asking if I liked her new hairstyle. When I responded yes, she said I only liked her for her physical attributes.
when she called my biceps chicken wings
When I met not her ex, but her friend group. No one was as accomplished, as polished, as beautiful, or a kind as her, and you could tell in about five minutes that they resented her for it. She was the punching bag of far too many jokes for it to be passed off as exclusively playful, but she rolled with it because these were her “friends.”
They seemingly sabotaged her at every turn to keep her single while they found relationships so they finally “had” something on her. It was brutal. I could only feign support for those friendships for so long before I finally told her what it looked like from the outside looking in.
We get married at the end of the year.
When she started to tell me I could only have so many minutes of alone time with out her
When she told me she had turned down paid paralegal training at her job(was then a legal assistant). I was surprised since that is like a unicorn of a work place benefit, and she told me it was because she expected to be pregnant and a stay at home mom within the next few years and so didn’t see the point. It was at this point I realized her laziness combined with her frivolous spending habits were a huge red flag and I had to bail lol.
Honestly about a year after me and my ex split we tried for the second time to make a friendship work but I very quickly realised everyone was right about her being manipulative. She always had to be right and would blame others for her faults, not to mention narcissistic af too. Blessed to have an amazing support network to help me through that
My ex is honestly a lovely person. There was a day where i just realized our energy levels are way off from each other. Shes VERY gregarious and go go go. I equally love a day hiking and a day rotting on the couch watching movies. We joke that she has golden retriever energy.
Shes out traveling the country now as an up and coming musician. I’m really proud of her.
Lets just say that a couple months before our wedding her father told me “She will be the worst and best part of your life.”
He was right about the first one
Her mum was in her 40s and single her entire life.
It was hereditary.
I dated a lot and several had red flags
One was super clingy, like I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without checking in first. (This was pre-cell phone I came back to 5 messages on my answering machine)
One was just kept trying to break out stupid catchphrases. I realized at some point the only thing we had in common was our sex drive. We had GREAT sex so unfortunately it took me forever to figure out.
One didn’t get social cues. I “acted different around my friends” so she thought we were fighting or something. Said WAY unhinged shit.
One literally punched me in the face.
One broke up with me to date a woman.
One from college didn’t even want to split visits.
One I caught cheating…like “SURPRISE! Hey why you kissing that dude?”
One refused to show any physical affection (I mean like I couldn’t even hug her)
Annnnnd one was weirdly possessive, I needed to constantly show PDA so “everyone knew I was hers”
I’m sure there’s more but that’s what comes to mind right now.
At the time she was 33 I was 18. We was together for 4 years before that her longest relationship was 6 months. I understood why a year in.
Realized she spends every possible moment with her family. She’s already married to her family. And has a weird codependency that goes beyond normal family love.
99% of dudes don’t want to hang out with your family every single goddamn weekend sweetheart.
When I went to work and had forgotten my phone. When I got home, I had a text from her; “ hey babe, you forgot your phone, it’s on the nightstand. “
I figured it out when she started talking about her exs red flags, and I realized I was seeing those same signs in her behavior.
She’s crazy as hell and will fight cops like it’s nobody’s business and has absolutely murdered people before in a foreign country. Some people see that and run, I just think it’s nice that when something goes bump in the night I can hand her a gun and she’ll have my back. Her biggest downside is she thinks the entire world is racist. Sometimes it’s not racism sometimes people are just dicks.
She had dated a few real losers before we met. It didn’t take me long to figure out that she was wonderful. (We’ve been together for 46 yrs)