To all mature men out there, what is that one mistake you have made so a young man may not repeat it?
To all mature men out there, what is that one mistake you have made so a young man may not repeat it?
r/AskMen
To all mature men out there, what is that one mistake you have made so a young man may not repeat it?
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/PrinceCedie16’s post (if available):
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If you’re smoking cigs then quit, and don’t start if you haven’t yet.
Not wearing a condom.
I know it feels amazing raw but it is not worth it, trust me (pregnancy risk and stis)
Being vulnerable with people is scary but its okay and needed even if you get hurt sometimes.
When a woman breaks it off with you, that is not the time to engage more in an effort to salvage the relationship. Leave it alone and move on.
Neglecting physical health
Don’t people please, be yourself
Drink only in moderation. Don’t do drugs. Always work hard and don’t give in to temptation to quit when things get hard. And when you have children, make sure they’re independent at every stage of their development as is possible, and don’t neglect their emotional, physical and spiritual needs. Encourage them to be comfortable making mistakes by not shielding them toouch from making their own mistakes. This advice comes not because I’m a parent but from what I wish my parents had done more of
Focused too much on other people and weather they valued me rather than building myself
Neglected to save money.
When people disrespect you or just do stuff you dont appreciate let them know.
If a woman you’re seeing does this, than just withdraw your attention instead. And keep it withdrawn until she corrects her behaviour or asks you whats wrong.
Talk less and listen more
As normalized as it is, alcohol is a drug. Treat it as such.
Marrying too young and too fast. Don’t do that.
Choose a wife very carefully. #1. Make sure she is good with money. I cannot emphasize enough just how much this will change your life.
Too many to list.
Maturity comes from making those mistakes and then learning from them.
What you should focus on is not making life altering mistakes that may take years to recover from.
Drugs and alcohol. Wasting your time. Maintaining relationships with people that hold you back. Not using protection. Always use a condom!!!
Surround yourself with others that spend their time improving, building a future for themselves.
Be productive with your time! Focus on what will help provide you with better opportunities. A better future and life. Spend your time working towards those goals.
Never seek validation from women
You can waste your life comparing yourself to others. Everybody is different. Yesterday’s you is the benchmark. Keep moving forward.
Only be as loyal to a company as they are to you.
When you have a good thing going with a woman, don’t take it for granted EVER
When you do make those mistakes, learn to forgive yourself.
Does no good to mention it. The young men don’t listen anyway. (I never listened) but here goes……. Do not ignore red flags. 🚩 your brain is telling you to abort. But your biological desire to procreate is telling you that you’re imagining the red flags. You’re not imagining them.
Never stay in a place where you’re not chosen.
The moment you feel like an option, a backup plan, or simply not valued stop trying to fix it.
Don’t explain. Don’t argue. Don’t beg.
Just remove yourself silently, completely, and without apology.
Cut the cord with clarity, not emotion.
You are the value you’ve been searching for and it was never meant to be validated by a job, a woman, a friendship, or even family.
Protect your worth. Walk like you know what you bring.
When you are young, it is the most statistically probable time to make the least amount of money in your life. Even so, start saving for retirement (it is financially important, but even more important mentally). LEARN TO LIVE ON A BUDGET!
When you move out for the first time, you’re going to get really lazy. Try not to doordash if you can. Learn how to cook and take care of yourself
> what is that one mistake you have made so a young man may not repeat it?
Don’t take out student loans if at all possible
That crap really “bogs you down” in your 20’s, I’ll never take out student loans again. Living “under” student loan debt thru my 20’s was depressing, it wasn’t fun at all
Honestly with just how bad the 2025-era jobs market is, you’re probably better off financing a new/reliable car than taking out student loans 🤣 At least a new car is something tangible/real where you “get something” in return for your money, a degree is just a “maybe” gamble nowadays with just how saturated a lot of degrees are
Unless it’s a degree with a “guaranteed” return on investment such as healthcare-related (nurse, doctor, etc), be very very careful racking up a large student loan debt
Not using condoms
Never co-sign a lease for the homies.
Also
Being drunk is fun; being a drunk is not. Moderation is important.
Putting a woman before my purpose.
Learn to delay gratification. Be mindful of others with your words and behavior.
Focusing too much on education and career
Always use a condom even if she’s on birth control. You don’t want to be scratching at your balls like some kind of nut case and you definitely don’t want 18+ years of child support.
Don’t use the shampoo to masterbate, it burns! If you have to use the conditioner instead!
Let myself get out of shape and partied too hard well into my late 30s.
It is really hard to get your body back to functional after abusing it for decades.
So by all means, party hardy, but take time each day to stretch for 15 minutes, make sure to dedicate a few non party days/nights a week of to healthy active hobbies you can carry on past the heavy social culture of a well lived youth, and do at least one detox month a year where you are body focused.
You will save yourself so much literal pain and mental anguish.
Edit: this also goes for more sedentary introverted youths as well!
If it’s not going to work out, end it before an action you’ll regret does it for you. But if you can salvage it before it gets to that stage, do it. Bad patches are always temporary if you both work at it.
Women don’t love you, they love how you make them feel.
Oh, and buy one or two broad based ETFs, investing every month a couple hundred bucks, you’ll thank me in 20y. If I did this in my late 20s early 30s, I would have been semi-retired in my 40s (and that’s ignoring my crypto mistakes… Yeeeesh, won’t go into that). All on an average income too.
rushed into marriage, this aint no fairytale its real asf
Never stop learning. Pick up a book, hobby, skill, anything. Life will easily get very monotonous if you let it
Be bold but not stupid. You miss out on opportunities being timid.
Once a cheat, always a cheat. Don’t chase her. Move on
Not understanding the impact of investing often and early- even very small amounts.
Don’t put a woman on a pedestal. If you do, she’ll have no choice but to look down on you.
Don’t self sabotage otherwise healthy relationships cause you feel like you don’t deserve it in some level
i stopped working on myself in the relationship. i was 19, i was far from perfect. never stop trying to improve yourself, it ruins you in the long term
A woman is always secondary to your purpose.
I waited until I was 41 to buy a drum set and start learning. I wish I would have started 20 years ago.
Keep away from drugs and alcohol. You MAY be able to live a normal life, but you won’t know till it’s too late.
I hate saying that. I love drugs but I love drugs because I am unable to live a normal life.
Caring what others might think about me.
Do not live beyond your means. It creates so much stress.
Marriage in the U.K. is a legally binding contract.
So Read the terms and conditions!
If you bring more wealth or earnings to the marriage, ensure you work with a solicitor to protect yourself if the marriage ends.
Basically, only an idiot signs a financial contract with someone who’s incentivised to break it. Ignore everything she says in the build up that deflects you from protecting yourself.. the more she pushes that you’re not being romantic and don’t love her, the more you need to lean into my advise young man. Men often marry for love, women are smart and often marry for business.
If you don’t heed my advice now, there’s a 50% chance you’ll read it and weep in years to come.
50%… think about those odds. You feeling lucky?!?
Look forward to the downvoting from those who are offended at the thought of not automatically being entitled to half of everything they didn’t work for 👍
Your body recovers a lot quicker at 18-21 than it does at 33.
Dont underestimate your partners/wifes history. I didnt really check (or cared for that matter) what types of previous partners she had and thought that its history. Well the traits she had when she was 20 comes back when the kids are old enough and she wants to feel young again before 45 ish.
A bad partner will put you in a deeper hole than a good partner can dig you out of. Financial & emotional damage will take a while and concerted effort to recover from.
Invest early, as much as possible. Never use margin (debt) to get to your financial goals. Use your employer match in the 401k (if offered), if it is 3% or 6%, do that as your bare minimum.
Vices can be fun early on, but they will have long-lasting effects if not curbed at their inception. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. All will affect your mental health, physical health, and financial well-being.
Women are a drug not unlike alcohol ; too much whiskey makes you lose everything an occasional fresh sparkling wine will make you happy though
Find anything you’re interested in, like guitar, cooking and practice to get good at it, or get very knowledgeable on a subject. It’ll do wonders for your self esteem.
Don’t smoke.
Save your money.
Go to the gym.
Read an actual book once in a while.
When someone shows something that’s shaped like a red flag, don’t dissmiss it. It’s something that goes over your boundaries, trust it and move on.
I dated a “hot girl”. Aka a woman who was really attractive and that was her personality. I found it exciting because I’d grown up kind of a loser and it was kind of cool dating someone with her attitude.
But, she was the only woman I’ve dated who made me angry and frustrated enough to reach for a drink.
Don’t do it. You don’t have to accept someone who wants you to feel grateful for their time and that you’re replaceable. My wife is just as attractive as that woman was, but she treats me with respect and dignity. We all deserve that and nothing less.
If a woman threatens to leave, let her. Real love doesn’t give up as soon as you hit a rough patch, it works through it and comes out stronger. Threatening to leave is just another ploy of control and conditional love.
I didn’t invest every year I could in a Roth IRA, but I did buy 5,000 shares of Apple stock for back in 2001, and a few other good stocks, so that’s good.
I did not hire a top notch financial lawyer to draw up a trust for me to protect my assets in case of divorce, but again I got lucky because she wanted to shield her IRA and retirement from me, and I was happy doing a quid pro quo and it worked out. But it couldn’t been disastrous.
In short. Set up a Roth if you do nothing else and put in the max each year, currently $7,000. Hire a lawyer to set up a trust to protect your assets in case bad stuff happens. Don’t get to your 60’s and not have money to live a decent life like so many men I know. It’s heartbreaking to see men slide into depression, and perpetual anger when they have lost their social network, have no money, and their bodies are falling apart.
Don’t be one of these guys!
Ask her out. Get up the courage and ask. Don’t assume she will say no, let her say it. Sure, she may be out of your league, but then she might not be.
Never do anything that you don’t want. Never compromise yourself for others: It may be your partner, your friends, or anything.
You never think “I’m happy I didn’t did what I wanted and did something else because someone asked me to!”. Never.
I’m 24 but I have people who tell me that I’m mature for my age.
When a relationship isn’t bringing out the best in you, and isn’t serving you. It’s time to go.
Don’t chase anybody. It’s not romantic. The police chase people, dogs chase people, geese chase people. You cannot chase someone unless they’re running from you. Focus on those who are coming toward you.
Everything doesn’t require a reaction or a response.
Respect others until you’re disrespected by one, and cut them off or tell them that they crossed your boundary and if it’s habitual. Cut them off.
Don’t get involved in drama. Drama is a distraction and will ruin your image, and authenticity quickly. If two of your friends aren’t getting along. Stay out of it.
Never make a relationship or people your entire life or existence. People come and go.
Never date someone with high expectations. High expectations means they’ll expect things and treatment from you that they won’t reciprocate.
Don’t marry someone because they’re attractive and you’re in lust.
Don’t be lazy. Being productive is more rewarding, some down time and a lazy day is fine, but being idol too long will be detrimental to your growth.
Love who you are and be comfortable with being alone before getting in a relationship. You can only share what you have.
Read the fine print. Just because it sounds good doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
If someone doesn’t want you then you don’t want them.
Alcohol and partying may be fun, but it can also ruin your life.
Never make relationship promises when you’re naked.
Save as much money as possible. Do you wanna have a life like no other? You gotta save and live like no other.
Look at both sides of a story and ask questions before forming an opinion.
Do not ask for advice unless it’s asked. When someone opens up ask them if they want to vent or want advice.
Don’t hold grudges or chips on your shoulder. It hurts you and it does nothing to the other person.
Don’t act on emotions. Cool off and think logically.
Don’t change who you are to impress anyone. If you have to impress them, they’re not the people you want in your life.
It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not okay to use your past to abuse or mistreat others. It’s also not okay for someone to do it to you.
Fighting isn’t worth the time or energy.
Only compete with yourself. You’ll learn your strengths and weaknesses and learn which methods work better for you. When you compete with others, you’re too busy looking at them and trying to outdo them by any means necessary and you’re destroying yourself in the process.
Don’t compare your life to others. Life isn’t a race. Never compare yourself to anyone.
When you’re at work or school. Keep your nose to the grind and do what’s asked of you and go home.
Don’t believe everything you hear and half of what you see.
There’s three types of people. Think of it like a tree. You’re the branch, most people are leafs, a lot are branches, and very few are roots. Take time to get yo know someone and make them show you which spot they should be placed in. Too many people put the leafs where the roots are and mistreat the roots and next thing you know the whole tree is dead.
Losing hair? Feeling tired? Everyone treating you like you’re sub-human? Get some blood-work done and see what’s going on with your body.
Stay away from religion. Your brain will thank you for it.
I tried. I quit trying at age of 32. Back in the day, I used to think my problems on the romantic front could be solved for good. I had no financial woes, debt problems, criminal record, alien abduction stories, horrible family problems, religious hang-ups, addictions, health worries. I had many friends and a close family. I liked snow-shoeing, running, soccer, reading, cooking, hiking, writing, my two big huskies Frosty and Snowball, and lots of other pursuits. I even learned how to dress well.
But I had apparently had some insurmountable strikes against me. I don’t want children and didn’t have any—especially as a step-father for some long-gone guy. Also, I’m short. I’m unattractive. Sadly, by any objective standard, I’m ugly. I’m cheap.
WHAT I REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR WAS THE FOLLOWING:
“Yes, you are – FROM ANY OBJECTIVE STANDPOINT – VERY unattractive and short and there is nothing you can do about it. Yes, refusing to father children, or to be a step-father, is a handicap and limits the number of potential mates even further. The chances of you finding someone that (1) will accept these facts about you and still want to be with you and (2) to which you are also attracted, are ZERO. You will never pair off with someone and you will live your entire life alone. This is inevitable and you should prepare yourself for it.”
Why didn’t anybody ever say this? One is profit motive. There is very little money in writing self-help books that say the reader is screwed. Two is this creeping politeness that compels people to lie instead of telling the frank truth.
You may also be forever alone. But there is nothing to stop you from working on yourself.
Nothing to stop you from working out, cooking, and eating healthy, so your body is a temple and you feel good walking, running, hiking to see beautiful nature and woods, learning a new language, discovering a passion for painting, sculpting, drawing, playing guitar, playing a piano, whatever the fuck else – except you.
Be outspoken about your needs, your mental health, your struggles, your feelings.
Speak to male friends about the stuff you are going through, and listen to them tell their struggles as well.
Took me way too long to open up to my male friends only to find out that I was not alone.
Edit: typos and spacing
1 mistake?
I wish I only made a dozen!
A) Do not start potentially bad habits. You might be a party pooper but you will not wind up as a alcoholic with $50,000 in debt to a casino, vaping bubble gum.
B) Keep yourself in good mental and physical shape. Exercise and meditate 3 times a week
C) Take your education seriously.
D) Learn to cook, good and cheap food.
E) Save early and often. Save until it hurts. Then save more.
F) Be active in keeping your friends.
G) More money does not mean better/happier.
F) Buy it for life.
G) You will copy your parents parenting style. The good and the bad. The number of times I have opened my mouth and heard my father …
You will often over correct a position you did not like your parents doing. IE. My parents bought me everything. I do not know how to work hard. So I am kicking my kids out on their 18th birthday.
This will not match your wife’s parenting style.
H) You wiĺl copy your parents marriage. The good and the bad.
I) You do not need streaming services. The library has lots of movies. Pawn stores have cheap stuff videos.
J) Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life.
K) Never let her put you on the coach. You have just as much right to the bed as she does. If she does not like it. She can sleep on the coach.
L) Having a penis does not mean your are the less competent parent.
M) Never ask your spouse to do something they would say, “No.” To.
N) Pretty or ugly on the outside does not correspond to what is on the inside. The Movie Shallow Hal.
If she has crazy eyes, she is crazy. Don’t do it.
Learn how to consistently keep in touch with friends.
Do not give a mile to someone who wouldn’t go a foot for you.
I’m not saying don’t be helpful to others, we should all work to make everyone’s lives easier. But in relationships you should figure out who’s more of a taker than a giver if that makes sense.
Stay away from people who are holding you back in any possible sense, surround yourself with people who are trying to get somewhere, who are working hard to improve themselves and who can help you in that conquest as well. Who you surround yourself with can be vital thing for your future. Remember, if you are hanging out with punks, you are also a punk, regardless of your potential and knowledge.
If you’re smartest guy in crowd then you are hanging out with wrong crowd.
“This too shall pass.”
The good things don’t last forever, so prepare for it. The bad things don’t last forever, so work for it. Life has its ups and downs. It’s the down moments that give us gratitude for the up moments.
Wait until you are at least 30 to formalize a relationship or have children
Try to stay away from porn.
Porn can really mess with guys: mind, body, and relationships. It sets up wild expectations about sex, so when you’re with a real partner, things can feel “meh” even if they’re totally normal and healthy.
Nobody’s having marathon-level Olympic sex every time. Those scenes are scripted, edited, and performed by pros. Comparing yourself to that can leave you anxious or disappointed.
On the brain side, porn is like hitting the dopamine jackpot over and over. Do it enough and regular everyday stuff, like actual intimacy, doesn’t light you up the same. That can show up as low libido or even performance issues that aren’t about your body at all.
There’s also the mental clutter: the sneaking around, the guilt, the “can’t-unsee-it” flashes that pop up at the worst times. That combo of secrecy and shame keeps the habit on repeat.
And let’s not forget time. Scroll a few vids here, a half-hour there, and suddenly chunks of your life are gone forever. Time’s the one thing you can’t buy back.
In short: less porn = clearer head, better sex, more time for the stuff that actually matters.