Hi. This hurts to write. Hurts a lot.
I’ve been in denial but I’m finally starting to realize this.
I have a friend, a close one since 2020.
And I care about her a lot. I do.
But I never notice the same care from her side.
She constantly reads my messages and doesn’t reply. She constantly ignores me.
For example. Yesterday she told me she felt bad. Today I asked: “hey! How are you feeling? Do you feel better?”
Guess? No answer.
And I realized. If it was me who said I felt bad, she wouldn’t even check on me the day after.
If I don’t send a message first, she also doesn’t.
I don’t know what to do.
I care about her a lost but this has been so exhausting 🙁
Each time I reach out and care I feel embarrassed because I feel like I’m doing too much, but that’s because she doesn’t match my feelings.
What do I do? I’ve been considering stop reaching out to see what she’ll do but guess what? I don’t want to hurt her.
I’m an idiot.
Comments
Value yourself and your efforts. Friendship is a two-way street and if it feels like you’re always driving alone, it might be time to change the route.
Confront her about her behaviour, but if she doesn’t want to make things right, you should let her go and prioritize your well-being.
Nah you’re not an idiot, you’re just giving energy to someone who’s not giving it back. It sucks, but if you stop texting and she doesn’t notice, that’s your answer. Don’t keep chasing someone who treats you like a background character. You deserve better than this breadcrumb friendship.
Put in as much effort as your friend does. That way the friendship will develop (or not) to the extent it organically should. At the moment you are propping it up artificially.
Friendship is a two-way street. If you’re the only one walking, it’s time to change your route. Take care of yourself first.
I don’t think you’re an idiot, so much as you are simply behaving in a way that almost certainly has its roots in your childhood.
The behavior you describe above, specifically, your need to reach out and express concern, even if she does not respond, is likely something that you witnessed in the interaction between your parents when you were a little child.
Does that ring a bell with you?
Maybe she feels so bad she can’t meet the expectations you have.
Also I learned that if you don’t tell people what you expect from them, the chances are they don’t know.
Remember, self-respect comes first. If they can’t match your energy, they probably don’t deserve it.
Would it hurt her though? Sounds like she just isn’t as interested in you as you are in her. Just match energy. Stop reaching out. If you go to send her a message, and she hasn’t replied to your previous message, don’t send it.
Either she will reach out, or she won’t.
Not an idiot. She’s just taking advantage of you.
Block her number and move on with your life. She clearly doesn’t care about you or your wellbeing. By the sounds of it, your what i used to call myself, a hole blocker. If/when she needs you, she’ll contact you. If she doesn’t, there’s no need for her to be with or around you because she has other “priorities”.
This isn’t a friendship at all.