My mother used to be a casual drinker and had much more patience and was more generous. Had more friends to go out and do things with. Now she doesn’t do anything with her life no work/hobbies/exercise. It all started with a few Coronas maybe a Stella or a glass of wine maybe 2. Ever since her father (my grandfather) passed away (10 years ago) she would go outside and start smoking a few cigarettes and have a couple glasses of wine and would be outside watching tv for about an hour. NOW she goes outside and starts smoking and finishes a whole BIG bottle of wine by the end of the night everyday. Usually starts at around 4pm sometimes 3:30pm and ends at 10pm. Between that time there’s not a minute you won’t see without a glass of wine in her hand.My father always has to tell her every night at around 9pm to “come inside” so she stops drinking and smoking. It has taken the biggest toll on me and my teenage upbringing because my whole family would gang up on me in every situation that included my mother and I. My dad can’t take sides because that’s his wife and no matter what she says goes. Also, whatever my mom says always has to be right. I can’t even bring up how I feel to her because she won’t even reply to me. I’m in my mid twenties I moved out of the house a couple years ago because I couldn’t get along with her. She still talks to me like I don’t have feelings and some days she’s nice and it’s like a relief of stress off my shoulders and all it takes is one wrong word or sentence and she’s back to the craziness.
I came to Reddit to see if anyone else out there has experienced this within their own family and kind of get some advice on how you dealt with it and how it’s going? Or even ask me any other specifics that could help you gage an understanding of my relationship w her.
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No question, my heart weeps for you and hope you move out asap
Hi, I am a fair bit older but I do have experience with this currently. Feel free to DM me if you wana talk to someone, but my best advice is seek ongoing support if you can to continue processing this (therapy, support groups). There’s often no good answer here, but do your best to take care of yourself and your feelings – it’s the one thing you can control and you’re worth it. Wishing you the very best.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother. She was fine until I was about 12. She didn’t have to drink a lot to get plastered. And she was a mean drunk. Actually, she was even mean sober at that time. She was emotionally abusive, and a couple times physically abusive to me. Not so much to my brother. My father had a job that had him out of town quite a bit and when he was home, he would just go to bed to get out of her way. No one ever confronted her about it. I walked on eggshells my entire teenage existence. My parents separated my senior year. I stayed with my mom, but I left home when I was 19. My relationship with her after that was kind of on and off. She had times when she didn’t drink, but I never knew when those times were going to happen. I got married had a child and moved away. She would come and visit. And then I had another child. And she would come and visit. And most of the time she was OK. She would never drink here, although I know she brought her own flask. And I could tell instantly if she had been drinking. When my boys were preteens, she came to visit and was emotionally abusive to my oldest. And that was the last time she came to visit. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think I saw her after that again until she was dying. We would talk on the phone here and there. And then I found out she was dying. She didn’t go to the doctor or dentist. By the time they found that she had cancer they didn’t even know where it had started. When she was sick and dying, she was very sweet and said such nice things to me that had not been said in decades. I was with her when she died. I have never missed her. And I really felt like I had finally grown up when she died. I was 40. The only advice I have for you is to leave home as soon as you can. Make your own life. Don’t listen to people that say, well she’s your mother you have to take care of her, like her, etc.. I have to say I turned out pretty good surprisingly. I’ve been married 41 years. I am close to my two grown children. I made sure that I was not going to be the kind of mother that my mother was to me.
Do you have any experience with AlAnon or AlaTeen or ACOA?