https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/jomYodGuNW
This is an update to my previous post linked above. So long story short my husband has started to feel better and he has set some boundaries with his mom. She brought us some breakfast this morning and when she tried to fuss over him he said “she’s got it” referring to me. She didn’t stay long at all, and it was an overall successful visit and I think she’s finally got the point. Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone for all the support and advice 🤗
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Glad to hear everything turned out okay! I’m glad your husband listened to your concerns
Happy to hear your husband is feeling better! Well done for him on setting boundaries! Hope you’re doing well too.
These mothers need to learn to cut the cord.
I had a similar experience with my MIL, and it was horrible. She treated him like a toddler, and was constantly making me feel like an outsider. My husband had to speak up and ask her to give us some alone time together, we had a lot of details to work out, including wills and access to accounts that she wouldn’t give us privacy for. She tried to direct his medical care, and put herself as his main contact for the doctors. She kept making comments like she didnt want to be the mother in law from hell, while she was doing things that made her just that. It escalated so badly because I didnt put boundaries in place and my husband didnt believe half of what I said she was doing until things blew up. She is now kept at arms length, has no say or involvement in any medical stuff, even just for transportation to an appt. Completely shut out and its driving her crazy. She’s informed through other family members, but thats it. Im NC, my husband is not, but without me organizing and planning visits, they rarely happen. In the past year +, I think he’s seen her maybe 3 times.
OP glad to hear DH is healing.
Your boundaries are perfectly reasonable – no question there.
It’s good to communicate them and be on the same page.
That being said I see an opportunity for you to perhaps demonstrate some grace and empathy.
You don’t mention any previous ‘beef’ with MIL, regardless I can see how her behaviour was concerning to you. You’re his wife and taking care of him is your job now – not hers. I think it’s admirable you feel that committment.
I can also see how a mother would revert back to that protective role when her child is threatened.
Would you have preferred her to not be there at all as opposed to seeming ‘overly motherly’?
Maybe a quiet chat with her mentioning you love her boy and will look out for him now. Thank her for all she’s done to raise the man you love but you see that as a ‘wife’s job’ now.
Sometimes in situations like this some perspective is needed – so maybe ask her how her husband would have felt if her dad had done what she’s doing? Would he have had an issue with his FIL fawning over his wife in a move showing they didn’t trust either of them to look out for each other as married adults?
But did she kiss him on the mouth before she left?
Karma’s a beautiful thing. Hopefully, your MIL’s learned her lesson and will respect your boundaries from now on. Fingers crossed she doesn’t try to guilt trip or manipulate her way back into overstepping.
Nice. Nothing scares a JustNoMIL more than her baby boy handing the reins to his wife. She got hit with the reality that her mommy role has expired. Savor the silence, she’s plotting, but for now, enjoy the peace.