Hi everyone,
I’m in a situation that may seem a bit unusual at first glance, but I know, deep down, it’s all too common once you look past the surface.
My husband and I have been in full no contact with his parents for over two years.
It was a decision we made together, but mostly his, after years of emotional, financial, and even physical abuse from them.
His parents are influential people.
Publicly, they appear to be the picture-perfect family.
His father has two other children from a previous marriage who also cut contact with him. That should tell you something.
His father is narcissistic, but the real power behind the chaos is his second wife, my mother-in-law. Diagnosed as a PSYCHOPATH, she’s 20 years younger than him, came from a poor background, and married him for his money. Just three months into their marriage, my husband was born.
Since then, she’s weaponized him constantly, threatening to take the child and leave unless the father brought in more and more money.
His father, entirely love-blind and submissive to her, ended up in prison for trying to provide everything she wanted, from a maid to a driver to her entire family being moved in and supported, while slowly cutting off everyone from his side of the family.
My background? I come from a financially stable home, but with a narcissistic and abusive mother of my own. So sadly, I wasn’t a stranger to dysfunction.
I tried to stay respectful and keep my distance, but my MIL spread horrible lies about me, accusing me of everything she herself has done. The smear campaigns, manipulation, and triangulation have been relentless.
Then I got pregnant.
We were thrilled, finally, a chance to build our own, healthy, loving family.
But the abuse only escalated !
My in-laws prevented my husband from working, guilt-tripping him with “family duty.” Meanwhile, they blamed me for not working, even though I was pregnant and relying on limited help from my own family. We got to the point where we had no food, all our money went toward medical expenses and preparing for our child.
I hit rock bottom.
After an emergency C-section and being emotionally and physically drained, I developed reactive abuse, and my in-laws jumped at the opportunity to say I was unstable and told my husband to leave me.
They nearly succeeded.
My husband and I started fighting constantly, especially after his father was released from prison. Fueled by power, ego, and blind loyalty to his wife, he intensified the pressure to break us apart.
I told my mother everything, every painful detail.
Her response? She blamed me. Told me I should “just be quiet and accept it.”
When I told her I was suicidal, she hung up on me, calling me crazy.
Eventually, my husband cut off contact with them completely. But the harassment didn’t stop.
We’ve moved cities. We changed homes. But they still find us. They take photos of me when I go out shopping. The rumors are vicious. Whole communities have turned against me because of the lies they spread.
They tell people I’ve manipulated my husband, that I keep him from seeing them. That I forced him to choose. That I’m unstable. They even pretend they “love” our child, despite the fact that they pressured me to get an abortion.
The most painful part? My mother has now become close friends with them. They’ve bonded over their shared hatred and smear campaigns.
Now we are completely cut off from both sides of the family, and everyone around us constantly pressures us to “reconnect”because they see our families as kind, respectable, even saintly. Meanwhile, I’m followed obsessively on social media (I’m a content creator), and no blocklist seems to keep them away.
Nothing seems to be enough.
I’m sharing this here because I know I’m not alone in this kind of abuse, where the abuser looks like a saint, and the survivor is painted as the villain.
If you’ve been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear from you.
How did you handle this level of psychological warfare and isolation?
What helped you move forward?
Thank you for reading.
I’m holding on, for my child, for my husband, for the future we’re still fighting to build.
Comments
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They won’t change. But you can starve their power by refusing to engage.
The smear campaign may never stop. But over time, people who matter will see through it.
Healing isn’t linear. Some days will feel impossible. But you’ve already survived the worst.
Many survivors of psychopathic abuse share your story – the public saint/private monster dynamic, the isolation, the relentless attacks. But you’ve done the hardest part: You escaped. Now, it’s about staying free and building a life so full of love that their noise becomes irrelevant.
Keep fighting. Your child, your marriage, and your future are worth it. And one day, their whispers won’t even reach you.
Can you send them a cease and desist letter?
Your MIL sounds like a textbook psychopath. Cutting contact was the best decision. Stay strong for your kid and husband.
Nothing to add just solidarity as I never see people on here who also have MILs who are psychopaths or sociopaths.
It is a completely different ballgame.
It’s also INCREDIBLY isolating because none of my friends can understand the darkness that comes with this kind of situation.
Their MILs are annoying, overbearing, over emotional….mine gets a genuine thrill out of causing us pain and wrecking our reputations. She isn’t satisfied unless she is a puppet master causing destruction. And just like your MIL, she is a master at appearing a saint. So skilled at being highly manipulative that she can get just about anyone to her side.
It is dark. I hope one day there could be a support group for people like us dealing with these types of family members. Until then, hugs. Big hugs.
ETA: to answer your question, no contact. And absolutely no contact with anyone who is being used by the MIL. We’ve kept our heads down for 4 years focusing on our lives. I suggest the same. Lastly, if circumstances would allow I suggest moving again. And not within a days drive…move as far as you reasonably can. And do not let any of the mutual family that play informants know. Perhaps go to a local PD station and speak with someone about protecting your new address and staying under the radar.
File a restraining order
I’m so sorry honey … know that you have a village here. I wish it could be in person.
Jesus, that’s a textbook case of toxic family circus. They build their empire on gaslighting and puppetry, then act shocked when you cut the strings. Your “saintly” in-laws sound like Oscar-worthy villains. Honestly, just keep your walls up, document everything, and block them wherever possible. The real battle is in not letting their noise drown out your life. Stay ruthless with boundaries, your sanity depends on it.