I recently shared a post about doing family therapy with my in-laws. They did 2 sessions and kept bringing me up as a point of contention. I initially refused but agreed upon my husband’s plea to come for one as support for him and to see what everyone actually ends up saying.
He thought everyone had a clear course of action (bless his heart) but it was exactly what I knew would happen and worst. My calm but laissez-faire demeanor of their behavior just instigated them even more. It was an aggressive but also completely irrational response from the MIL and even more so from her flying monkey daughter who knows almost nothing about our relationship.
My final thoughts, although most certainly interrupted by an eruption of anger, were basically that I will no longer be catering to them in any way. I would still be available for healthy conversations if they are to personally reach out to me but for the safety of myself and my young children I won’t entertain the drama any longer. My children and I won’t be available when they come to town and I will absolutely not be coming to another therapy session so any issues will go through my husband, as long as he decides to even keep contact.
I just found out today that their next family therapy was canceled by the therapist and he asked the MIL to have an individual session. I of course googled the possible reason’s and can obviously surmise my own. (Aggression, alcoholism, safety of my minor children) I’m still wondering how he would go about this though.
What do you think?
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She absolutely picked up on mil being psycho and wants to have a one on one talk with her
I work in the psychotherapy field and it’s extremely rare for a therapist to do family therapy when one party is abusive. Sometimes it takes a few sessions to get the dynamic, but chances are her abusive tendencies are in his radar. The best way to get any traction is to separate the abusive person and see if they are willing to self reflect and work on changing. Chances are your DH and whoever else is part of these appointments will be called in for a one-on-one in the coming weeks
The therapist wants a one on one with MIL because she’s the problem. Expect the therapist to be vilified after this and all future sessions to be canceled
Never go to therapy with your abuser. The therapist probably got all the info that he needed to see where the real problem was!
Kudosss, don’t put yourself or your kids through any trauma for those people. Love this. Not surprise that she was called to individual sessions— she has many problems and is a source of many problems for the rest of the family. We want family therapy with husbands I parents as well, but when he was doing in patient treatment last year I asked the therapist about mil going to therapy with husband to which the therapist responded “WE WOULD NEVER ALLOW HER TO COME HERE.” That told me all I needed to know about there being a real problem within their history/current dynamic. I concluded that because I was invited to go if they were to hold “family sessions” and JNMIL was not “allowed.”
I think the therapist has absolutely cottoned on to who is causing the problems.
Enjoy the vindication while it lasts. It will almost definitely be followed by an extinction burst, and firing the therapist.
But it sounds like you are doing a good job of leaving the monkeys to their own circus. I hope your husband can get there too.