I think it differs from man to man. My father’s was/is a blend of protection with a measured sense of risk-taking. He wanted my brother and I to take chances, but never intentionally put ourselves in harm’s way. He’d call us out on our mistakes, but was always the first to defend us when something was clearly not our fault.
Doing absolutely ANYTHING to protect your child. Looking three steps ahead to clear possible threats. Knowing them as people and being on their side. Sharing the realities of the world so they can become more independent, which sadly means letting them go when it’s time.
Overwhelming to protect them from harm. From others and even from themselves. Physical or mental. Anytime there’s a potential of someone harming them my adrenaline starts to pump.
To teach them how to be respectful and well behaved so they treat others well and others treat them well.
To teach them how things work instead of just how to use them. Even for the most basic of things like a door. Showing them the hinges, the doorknob, and the latch. Why a door squeaks and then how oil can stop the squeaking and why. There are many things like this around that help them learn to think how things work instead of just how to use them. Part of the reason for teaching them this is because of the first thing I said, to protect them from themselves.
To be someone they can look at as an example of who to partially be like. Not to make them like you but to show qualities and characteristics that they adopt.
I’d say these are the main ones I can think of right now.
The parental instinct for men is real—it’s just a little different from what you usually hear about moms.It’s not always super obvious right away, though. Like, some guys don’t feel that immediate “rush” the second the baby shows up. But give it a little time, and yeah,it hits. There’s this shift where you just know you’d do anything for that tiny human. It’s not always loud or dramatic either. And here’s the thing, guys might not always talk about it much, but that fierce protectiveness, that need to provide, to be present… it kicks in hard. why curious about this? Just wondering.
The sound of knowing when my son doesn’t have shoes on when it’s time to go, even though he says they are on but I’m listening from downstairs while he’s upstairs
When my wife was pregnant, I was more concerned about her health and comfort than anything else in the world. Once I laid eyes on that little screaming bundle, every single priority in my life changed. My parental instinct kicked in in that moment. I would step in front of a train for my kid.
Being more than willing to self sacrifice time, health, or safety to protect or make life easier for those around me that I see as family or chosen family, and taking enjoyment from doing so and knowing I’m helping.
My wife protects them so that they don’t feel any pain, I let them feel pain (nothing that will cause permanent damage) so that they learn. My kids have learned a lot from me letting them struggle to figure it out, where my wife likes to do things for them to make them feel loved. I think both ate important.
My wife the day after we got engaged said “I don’t want kids.” I said “Ok.” 25 years later were happy and healthy and I’ve never had a pang of missing out on fatherhood.
I can really only say for myself. My wife does the nurturing stuff, builds the self esteem, all that kind of stuff. My job is to love them but build resilience. I call them little stinkers or nerds and tease them but also let them know they always have my love and support.
Mine are all daughters so it’s a bit like being a secret service protection detail as well.
Personally, my instinct is to protect, but, still allow them to make their own mistakes. I just control which mistakes I allow them to make. This way they learn from experience while not being exposed to dangers they are not ready to face.
There is a massive, massive caveat. It’s also my responsibility to teach them. They need to go out and experience the world. They’re going to stumble. They’ll fail. But I’ll be here to catch them, so when they’re finally ready to go out on their own, they’ll be prepared. They’ll know their limits. They’ll know when to ask for help, because I’m always going to be there for them.
I know there might be times I myself might fail as a parent. But that’s how we learn. What’s important is what happens after that failure. Being a good parent doesn’t mean not making mistakes, it means learning from them, to be better.
Never wearing sandals while you have your kids, always wearing closed toed shoes instead case you need to move quickly. Constantly looking 360 degrees while you’re with them to check for people, cars, animals. Driving 65 instead of 85 on the highway when they’re in the car with you. Planning for things that you know are extremely unlikely to happen, but it lets you sleep better knowing you have a plan.
You just have this tremendous feeling of wanting to protect and shelter them. The ideaa of their being hurt makes you a little crazy, and the idea of someone hurting them makes you want to kill that person so badly it almost hurts.
Protect, honor, cherish, provide. Give and give and give until there is nothing left, then keep giving. Just try not to become resentful because you won’t get back what you give in the same way. You’ll get more back, but in ways you may not understand. That can lead to resentment. If that ever shows, it will destroy things, and you’ve failed at your most important job, which is protect.
Well I just found out yesterday that we’re expecting our second, which accounts for my weird need to fix small stuff around the house which I’m sure is a hormonal thing or something
As a dad of a 4yr old it has changed throughout the years. For the first year it was making sure mom was good and that the baby was safe at all times.
As she got older it because protector and entertainer. Once she started to walk and talk I started to add educator into the mix.
The protector feeling never leaves, but I also make sure she is able to make mistakes and get hurt physically (in small ways like scrape) so she will still have autonomy and learn from mistakes.
Too many parents try to do everything for your kid. I let my kid fail and encourage her to try try try. This has made her feel so much more advanced than the other kids her age.
Yesterday my newly minted 2 year old was in the grocery store and we were right in that pocket of borrowed time before dinner and bed but after last snack that can be a bit dicey. In our immediate area was a mother and her little girl and she was probably 2 years older than mine. No issue, they seemed unclassy but I don’t judge until I see you behave one way or the other. Anyway, she (my two year old) teared up because I had the audacity to tell her she couldn’t run around with a grape in her mouth perfectly sized to block her windpipe. Was she seriously upset? No, of course not, but there were still some tears. The other little girl laughed at her crying. It caused me to become on the verge of unreasonably angry. I am not sure if she is actually a little psychopath or if it is a trauma response from defective upbringing, as a mature gentleman it is incumbent on me to consider that possibility, but I had to actively control my anger in the moment.
You always put yourself last. Your wants, needs, and freedom are always first on the chopping block when the rubber needs to meet the road. You always put everyone above yourself, while also maintaining your responsibilities and obligations.
I don’t have children but I am a dog dad. She’s treated very well, is incredibly sweet, and if anyone decides to attempt to harm her, there’s going to be a new installment of John Wick.
I raised my nephew. He was one of those kids who just would not listen. Eventually I had to take the tactic of explaining what I thought would happen and then let him decide.
For example, when he was learning to ride his bike he wouldn’t listen about how to use the breaks. I tried multiple times but he wouldn’t hear of it. Off he went straight into the side of the house. I didn’t say I told you so, just picked him up and sent him off again.
Sometimes being a good dad is letting them make their own mistakes.
I was pretty strict with him on somethings. Cleaning up after himself, being respectful and kind, helping others.
He knew from a very early age that when I said no that was the end of the discussion. He did have a lot of leeway in most of the things he did though.
Sometimes the instinct is to bee too protective. Some kids need us to step back on occasion.
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Leave to get milk
Mothers are like a rain suit fathers are like an umbrella.
To provide for and protect your kids sufficiently, even from their own self destruction.
I think it differs from man to man. My father’s was/is a blend of protection with a measured sense of risk-taking. He wanted my brother and I to take chances, but never intentionally put ourselves in harm’s way. He’d call us out on our mistakes, but was always the first to defend us when something was clearly not our fault.
Make ‘em laugh, work together with my wife through the years to teach them about life, behavioral boundaries.
There is no sacrifice to great for my offspring.
Doing absolutely ANYTHING to protect your child. Looking three steps ahead to clear possible threats. Knowing them as people and being on their side. Sharing the realities of the world so they can become more independent, which sadly means letting them go when it’s time.
I’m incredibly fatherly and chicks love that.
Protect beyond anything imaginable. Literally everything in your life is now a distant second and you are absolutely thrilled to have it that way.
My friend has a newborn and said watching his daughter get vaccine shots and seeing her reaction to pain caused physical reactions in his own body
Overwhelming to protect them from harm. From others and even from themselves. Physical or mental. Anytime there’s a potential of someone harming them my adrenaline starts to pump.
To teach them how to be respectful and well behaved so they treat others well and others treat them well.
To teach them how things work instead of just how to use them. Even for the most basic of things like a door. Showing them the hinges, the doorknob, and the latch. Why a door squeaks and then how oil can stop the squeaking and why. There are many things like this around that help them learn to think how things work instead of just how to use them. Part of the reason for teaching them this is because of the first thing I said, to protect them from themselves.
To be someone they can look at as an example of who to partially be like. Not to make them like you but to show qualities and characteristics that they adopt.
I’d say these are the main ones I can think of right now.
The parental instinct for men is real—it’s just a little different from what you usually hear about moms.It’s not always super obvious right away, though. Like, some guys don’t feel that immediate “rush” the second the baby shows up. But give it a little time, and yeah,it hits. There’s this shift where you just know you’d do anything for that tiny human. It’s not always loud or dramatic either. And here’s the thing, guys might not always talk about it much, but that fierce protectiveness, that need to provide, to be present… it kicks in hard. why curious about this? Just wondering.
It’s more of a choice rather than an instinct.
You could be a present father to the kids. You could choose to be emotionally available to your kids.
You could choose a financial provider role. You could choose to be a sperm donor.
It’s the need to take care of and provide for your kids and wife/partner, while putting their wants, needs, and best interests above your own.
The sound of knowing when my son doesn’t have shoes on when it’s time to go, even though he says they are on but I’m listening from downstairs while he’s upstairs
It kicks in the moment they hear where’s Mum? and realize they are the adult now
When my wife was pregnant, I was more concerned about her health and comfort than anything else in the world. Once I laid eyes on that little screaming bundle, every single priority in my life changed. My parental instinct kicked in in that moment. I would step in front of a train for my kid.
Being more than willing to self sacrifice time, health, or safety to protect or make life easier for those around me that I see as family or chosen family, and taking enjoyment from doing so and knowing I’m helping.
There is none. But there is a basic instinct of trying to protect.
N/A
My wife protects them so that they don’t feel any pain, I let them feel pain (nothing that will cause permanent damage) so that they learn. My kids have learned a lot from me letting them struggle to figure it out, where my wife likes to do things for them to make them feel loved. I think both ate important.
My wife the day after we got engaged said “I don’t want kids.” I said “Ok.” 25 years later were happy and healthy and I’ve never had a pang of missing out on fatherhood.
Not a father, but from what I’ve seen, cat-like reflexes
I can really only say for myself. My wife does the nurturing stuff, builds the self esteem, all that kind of stuff. My job is to love them but build resilience. I call them little stinkers or nerds and tease them but also let them know they always have my love and support.
Mine are all daughters so it’s a bit like being a secret service protection detail as well.
provide/protect
Personally, my instinct is to protect, but, still allow them to make their own mistakes. I just control which mistakes I allow them to make. This way they learn from experience while not being exposed to dangers they are not ready to face.
That I would do anything for my daughter’s as long as I draw breath
For me personally:
Protect. At all costs.
There is a massive, massive caveat. It’s also my responsibility to teach them. They need to go out and experience the world. They’re going to stumble. They’ll fail. But I’ll be here to catch them, so when they’re finally ready to go out on their own, they’ll be prepared. They’ll know their limits. They’ll know when to ask for help, because I’m always going to be there for them.
I know there might be times I myself might fail as a parent. But that’s how we learn. What’s important is what happens after that failure. Being a good parent doesn’t mean not making mistakes, it means learning from them, to be better.
Never wearing sandals while you have your kids, always wearing closed toed shoes instead case you need to move quickly. Constantly looking 360 degrees while you’re with them to check for people, cars, animals. Driving 65 instead of 85 on the highway when they’re in the car with you. Planning for things that you know are extremely unlikely to happen, but it lets you sleep better knowing you have a plan.
Provide for and protect…
You just have this tremendous feeling of wanting to protect and shelter them. The ideaa of their being hurt makes you a little crazy, and the idea of someone hurting them makes you want to kill that person so badly it almost hurts.
Protect, honor, cherish, provide. Give and give and give until there is nothing left, then keep giving. Just try not to become resentful because you won’t get back what you give in the same way. You’ll get more back, but in ways you may not understand. That can lead to resentment. If that ever shows, it will destroy things, and you’ve failed at your most important job, which is protect.
Well I just found out yesterday that we’re expecting our second, which accounts for my weird need to fix small stuff around the house which I’m sure is a hormonal thing or something
Protective instruction with a dose of pride and a feeling of immortality.
As a dad of a 4yr old it has changed throughout the years. For the first year it was making sure mom was good and that the baby was safe at all times.
As she got older it because protector and entertainer. Once she started to walk and talk I started to add educator into the mix.
The protector feeling never leaves, but I also make sure she is able to make mistakes and get hurt physically (in small ways like scrape) so she will still have autonomy and learn from mistakes.
Too many parents try to do everything for your kid. I let my kid fail and encourage her to try try try. This has made her feel so much more advanced than the other kids her age.
It’s like suddenly becoming the bodyguard, handyman, and snack dispenser, all at once, with no training manual
Yesterday my newly minted 2 year old was in the grocery store and we were right in that pocket of borrowed time before dinner and bed but after last snack that can be a bit dicey. In our immediate area was a mother and her little girl and she was probably 2 years older than mine. No issue, they seemed unclassy but I don’t judge until I see you behave one way or the other. Anyway, she (my two year old) teared up because I had the audacity to tell her she couldn’t run around with a grape in her mouth perfectly sized to block her windpipe. Was she seriously upset? No, of course not, but there were still some tears. The other little girl laughed at her crying. It caused me to become on the verge of unreasonably angry. I am not sure if she is actually a little psychopath or if it is a trauma response from defective upbringing, as a mature gentleman it is incumbent on me to consider that possibility, but I had to actively control my anger in the moment.
You always put yourself last. Your wants, needs, and freedom are always first on the chopping block when the rubber needs to meet the road. You always put everyone above yourself, while also maintaining your responsibilities and obligations.
often violent.
I don’t have children but I am a dog dad. She’s treated very well, is incredibly sweet, and if anyone decides to attempt to harm her, there’s going to be a new installment of John Wick.
Love manifesting itself as not a wholly positive force, but an instinctual, primal one.
Love as a primal force which causes extreme fear and leads to extreme behaviors.
(Just to be a huge nerd) I think fictional characters like Joel Miller or Rick Grimes really embody that kind of ‘caveman love’
See a man beat another man to death – absolutely horrifying.
See a father beat a guy to death for trying to harm his child..? You get the idea.
https://youtu.be/s1ymtSkR8zw?si=5Aza3Zig0fYywN_o&t=405
To protect and provide
My instinct has been to love, protect, and prepare.
For me, it’s to provide. Liking my job? Irrelevant. Earn money.
Must protect, but must also let them feel pain.
I raised my nephew. He was one of those kids who just would not listen. Eventually I had to take the tactic of explaining what I thought would happen and then let him decide.
For example, when he was learning to ride his bike he wouldn’t listen about how to use the breaks. I tried multiple times but he wouldn’t hear of it. Off he went straight into the side of the house. I didn’t say I told you so, just picked him up and sent him off again.
Sometimes being a good dad is letting them make their own mistakes.
I was pretty strict with him on somethings. Cleaning up after himself, being respectful and kind, helping others.
He knew from a very early age that when I said no that was the end of the discussion. He did have a lot of leeway in most of the things he did though.
Sometimes the instinct is to bee too protective. Some kids need us to step back on occasion.