I have cc debt of about $15,000 dollars. I already have 3 personal loans. I just need to pay $1,400 for one to be paid off. The others are for $5,000 and $10,000. I am terrified of telling my boyfriend whom I live with and own property. I’m terrified because he’s emotionally abusive( insulted me calling me a fucken bitch over easily 10x; calling me old (i’m 31) calling me short, brown), and violent. He’s punched his own car hood, punched two separate walls, thrown his phone at the refrigerator and he made a dent on it; threw ranch at my hair and the list goes on… I’m highly considering taking out a loan but I’m just sooo scared. Scared of his reaction – yell, insult me, and possibly insult me again.
I’ve had anxiety all week. I can’t sleep. I’ve had heartburn the whole week.
How do I tell him and still protect myself?
Comments
“How do I tell him and still protect myself?”
No one can give you advice to accomplish that. You can’t control other people’s reactions with semantics — particularly someone like this with poor impulse control.
I suggest you call a domestic violence hotlines.
I also suggest you don’t stay with this guy.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
First things first, you have to replace your bf. With that kind of attitude you won’t be able to solve anything. A bf/partner should be able to help you with your problems not just financially but emotionally.
The hardest part is the most crucial one. You have to leave your boyfriend. I know how hard it is to go out of an abusive relationship, but i have a strong feeling that if you leave him, your wellbeing will be better. You will have time with yourself to think about everything, including your debt without worrying about someone else’s reaction, especially if you think it is going to be harsh. My personal recommendation – dont tell him if you think his reaction will be bad. Intuition lies very rarely. Im wishing all the best for you
Call the domestic abuse hotline number and get out!
Get yourself safe. Then worry about the debt.
You just need to leave him now and figure out the money part later. If you’re in the US talk to a bankruptcy lawyer about the debt. Don’t stay with this guy because you feel trapped by the money situation. He sounds he could get violent easily so take someone with you when you collect your stuff.
You should take out a payday loan. Dont tell him a god damn thing. You can rack up like 7 of these and then just turn your phone off. GOod luck!
I feel so sorry for you. You have to leave this abuse asap!
He will not change.
The debt is not your biggest issue here, your boyfriend is. You should never be with someone you are frightened of.
Please find a safe way to leave him. If you have family you are close with, contact them to help get you out and somewhere safe. If you don’t, contact a domestic abuse hotline and have them help you set up an exit strategy.
Regarding the debt itself, once you are away from your boyfriend and have landed somewhere safe, reach out to your bank/credit card company, explain your situation, and ask them to help you find a repayment plan you can stick to. If that doesn’t work, contact a reputable debt consolidation agency.
Be safe, and good luck.
Leave him! NOW!!!!
Why are u with him with him disrespecting u bcuz u don’t need that period no lady does if u have a place to go to then write letter leave on the table and leave him and block him
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It is not your fault. You need a plan.
Next time you’re awake at 4am, do a free and anonymous chat with a real person familiar with relationship abuse.
You could probably just cut/paste what you posted.
www thehotline org.
(Not sure if links are allowed).
Sending you strength!
I wouldn’t tell him. I would leave him. Anyone who is abusive is not worth being in an relationship with. Did I read you own property with him? If so either he buys you out or you buy him out. But I wouldn’t stay. No man is worth that. Trust me been there.
You debt should be tackled, but not right now and its great you have $1,400 left on one. Everyone has debt at some time. Its okay just pay it back and move on.
Please get in touch with a domestic abuse hotline and see if they can assist you in leaving safely!
Get out of there ASAP.
Don’t tell him, just leave while he’s at work and just bring your most important stuff and forget the rest. Don’t go back.
Stay with friends or family or go to a domestic violence shelter.
Figure out what to do with the debts later.
Watch Dave Ramsey youtube videos or call someone to ask if you can declare bankruptcy and start over. You should be able to declare bankruptcy on everything besides student loans I think.
Figure that part out later. For now, just get out of there. Stop making excuses for staying. You deserve better.
Don’t tell him that you want to break up, because that’s when they usually get super violent. Just pretend everything is fine, but one day when he’s at work, leave fast, early, ALL IN ONE TRIP. ( Ask someone to give you a ride if necessary. )
Don’t fight, don’t argue, just go.
And DON’T go back. And figure out how to not get into debt again.
Hospitals usually have free PAID training for certain jobs, like CNA and others. They raise your pay after you finish the training.
. Good luck.
First off, stop incurring debt and learn to live within your means. Cut up those freaking credit cards and stop using them if you can’t pay them off at the end of the month. With rates that make people say ” what’s a usury law?” credit cards are a trap for lifetime debt if you are using them for credit instead of just convenience.
Honestly with that kind of debt, I would be surprised if you can get a personal loan. They will look at your credit score, payment history and income to determine that. There will also be an additional cost incured for taking out a loan called an origination fee. Debt consolidation at a lower interest rate may be possible and a better option. Anything that gets you repaying your debt at a lower interest rate is a win.
Also, find a way to leave that guy if you can. I know it’s not easy especially if you have shared property. It’s easy for strangers on the Internet to say leave that guy but it’s more complicated in real life. I would personally probably walk away from anything sunk into the shared house just to reclaim your life and get a nice, quiet roomate.I don’t know that I would tell him at all if he is going to abuse you for it. If you aren’t married, you should be able to manage this situation on your own and he doesn’t need to know. Be safe
If you don’t have any assets under your name (i.e. car, property, etc) you could definitely look into claiming bankruptcy. I know someone who did that when they had about $23k in debt. Because they didn’t own anything, all they took was their debt haha. So it can be a handy tool. Especially if you don’t plan to take out any loans or get any credit cards for a couple of years. You can also work with a lawyer to get it off of your record sooner. I think it was only on this person’s record for about 4 years. And today they own a house and car again. So as daunting as the process can be, it can also be a really good tool, and a temporary step.
When it comes to your boyfriend, he sounds like the type of person that will get pissed off even if you’re not saying or doing anything to piss him off. So in this case I don’t think there’s anything you can say or do that will prevent him from getting angry or shouting or name falling… And I’m sorry about that. But sometimes when these things happen it can give us that push that we need to cut things off or to leave abusive situations or relationships that don’t help us grow.
Is there anyone you can reach out to? Close friends or family? And maybe a third party resource like domestic violence hotlines? Or even police? You could call a police station by you and explain your situation and ask them what you could do in that case?
I hope you can figure it out. We are rooting for you!
People are gonna say this is bad advice but its worked for me. Credit score is a bullshit scheme to scare people into paying their debt. Everyone has debt, some alittle some a lot %77 of American have some form of debt currently. I would just never pay the credit card company’s, they are a fucking monopoly conspiracy by the only two CC companies in the market Visa and Mastercard who collude with once another to charge insanely high interest rates often around 27-29$ If you don’t plan on owning property alone for next 7 years theirs nothing they can do but harrasss you. Some states may allow them to take money out of your checking account, but they have to send you mad warnings first. I went without a bank for near 7 years, n though i have once now I NEVER keep large sums in there. Credit BS and fuck CC companies for ripping us off and preying on college kids and old people.
PS-your BF sounds like a total fukin loser little boy and you can do way better with someone who doesn’t have to chop you down to lift himself up!
Survival > Debt
Once you get to the debt part the answer is spending less and making more. Sounds simple, but it isn’t. But it’s the core way to get ahead.
Taking on more debt isn’t the answer for you now.
Getting away from abuse is.
We had c/c debt and a loan . I had be fallen ill and wasn’t able to work. I rang them and explained my situation . I asked if we could settle the debt and they accepted 30% of the debt. So we paid $9000 of the $30000. Ask your loan and c/c what they would accept
Get out of the abusive relationship first and foremost. Right away.
Then worry about finances.
Your safety is at risk. You’re in a volatile and stress laden situation, this is fueling your anxiety.