My girlfriend and I (m22) just found out she is pregnant. We are both England based, and would love some advice.
Financial: I work 30 hours a week in a pub, earning £12.21 an hour. My gf is unemployed due to a past abusive work place that affected her mental health. We are also claiming universal credit to help us out while she searches for a job.
We are renting a two bedroom house, £1200 a month without bills. I also drive, she doesn’t. But is planning to.
Family: My gf’s mum is extremely supportive and is very excited but being realistic. I haven’t told my mum yet as I am extremely anxious about her reaction. She is quite rich, and is always financials first. So i’m not sure how she will react, i think she will be angry. I’m scared.
Emotional: I would be an amazing dad, and she would be an amazing mum. We are both very in touch with our mental health, I am autistic and she has ADHD. I have always wanted to be a dad, my gf hasn’t. But is having very conflicting emotions now she is pregnant.
Overall, we know if we did go through this we would have support, however we are scared to make the wrong decision, not only for us but for our child, but if we went the abortion route we would be sad with what we potentially lost. We are extremely conflicted.
Obviously we are both young, we do not have careers yet, and we still feel like we have a lot of living to do. Can anyone offer their advice or experience, we would be really grateful. Thank you 🙂
Comments
It’s okay to feel scared this is a huge, life-shifting moment, and the fact that you’re thinking it through so deeply already shows how much you care. You clearly have love, self-awareness, and some support around you, which are strong foundations. But it’s also okay to admit you’re not ready. Take your time, talk openly with each other, and maybe speak with a counselor or GP to help process it all. Whatever choice you make, make sure it’s one that feels right for both of you, not out of fear or pressure. You’re not alone in this.
The system is designed to keep you in a cycle of dependency and fear. Consider the hidden agendas behind societal norms that push you towards conventional paths. For instance, many young parents feel pressured to conform to financial stability before starting a family, but this often leads to regret and missed opportunities. Trust your instincts about being a parent. if you both feel a strong connection to this potential life, explore that deeply. Remember, the decision is yours, not dictated by external expectations. If you want to discuss this further, I’m here.
You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed this is huge, and it’s okay to be scared. Take time to talk openly with your girlfriend, reach out for support from professionals and loved ones, and remember that whatever you decide, being honest with yourselves about what’s sustainable will guide you to the right path.
Be grateful for everything that comes your way! I was 23 years old and scared and pregnant. Now, I am 48 (happily divorced) and that particular son is in the Navy fighting for our country along side of his little brother who is in the Air Force. Embrace the little moments of the sun reflecting off of your child’s hair, capture the laughter and smell of their sweaty skin. Nothing beats becoming a parent!
PATERNITY TEST
I was scared shitless with my first child. Ignore your age, not relevant. You’re 2 adults that have a baby on the way….that part of it is no big deal.
Once your baby arrives, it’s my experience that the terrified scared shitless feeling slowly goes away. Down the road you may have a second, it’s just like getting another puppy. Super easy in terms of the scared feeling. You won’t be because you will know exactly what to expect.
All I can say aside from congrats from Canada, is don’t take unsolicited advice. Also, if grandma wants to see the baby the day after he or she is born, and your missus isn’t up for it….too bad. Don’t let them use their age as an entitlement. If you guys need a few days or a week or 2 to take in how your life has changed, stand your ground and set boundaries.
One more thing….. as the days go by, it’s honestly just like taking care of a puppy. They sleep a lot, you have to clean them up when they poop, and food goes in the bitey end.
When they cry it means something….tired, hungry, tummy gas, diaper change. That’s it. That’s all you need.
🇨🇦🤙🇬🇧
I am a male who also had a kid at the age of 19. I was extremely lucky to have a good job at a young age, where I was able to support my family. Talking about being scared still. But, things will work out. You are doing the right things by working. But, I think telling your mom NOW is much better than her finding out later. It is not so much she will be mad at you if he finds out later, but, I think she would be hurt that you couldn’t tell her before. Also, if she has a little extra income to spare, she can probably help you a little. I would highly recommend talking to her. That is unless you think her anger would be harmful. Which I highly doubt would be. I think 22 is young, but, not too young for a kid.
Just because you are a adult, doesn’t mean you are still a kid in your parent eye.
Its ok to feel scared. Most ppl never feel like theyre ready, and tbh most ppl never are…youll be fine, and support each other in times when you need to deal with the family. Always have a united front in that regard, you dont want mixed messages with family, cos itll create confusion and chaos, and you can do without that, as im sure your already feeling out of place in the current moment without family getting involved…
What decision could you not live with?
Could you not live with the fact you guys aborted a baby then don’t.
If you could not live with the fact you’re now tied to each other for at least 18 years and the stresses of a new born and no money then don’t.
There’s no right or wrong.
That s normal reaction and you should be because for the rest of your life your responsible for that kid which is a part of you and there’s going to be plenty of up and down moments that going to scare you to death.
I was scared to death with my first child when I was 17 and my mom kicked me out and I didn’t have a job. I was also scared with my second child 7 years later when I had a secure partner and financial security. And my third child too, also terrifying. But you know what? I made it work, I made some pretty big mistakes, i fixed what I could, I made things happen and now I’m a reasonably successful homeowner in a happy marriage with three kids and a really cute cat. Things have a way of working themselves out when you try to do the right thing. You just gotta figure out what the right thing is
Financials and age aside, my biggest concern, OP, is that your gf didn’t want to be a mom before this moment. Absolutely, she can change her mind, and it could be genuine, but it could also be pregnancy hormones (yes, they can do this) trying to preserve the fetus, and I worry about what will happen if she regrets. Even if she doesn’t regret, lots of women have postpartum depression, so please also keep that into consideration with regard to how you evaluate the strength of both of your mental healths. All the best.