So my boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) have been together for going on 2 years, and he has 2 kids with his ex. The younger one of them isn’t biologically his but because of a really unfortunate situation and the fact they were still legally married (separated for a year) when she had the baby, he took on the responsibility after the bio dad was out of the picture even though my BF and her remained separated. They’re divorced now, but ofc we still see her because of the kids. Anyways, the youngest just turned 2 this year.
She still has a bottle of milk at bedtime, and she does not sleep well at night when at our house. She wakes up every time her bottle is empty, does not sleep without it, and pees an ungodly amount at night so she pees straight through her diapers we have her in at night.
So because of the behaviors I’ve picked up on that seem to be getting worse lately. We went camping and didn’t have a bottle for her, and it was a struggle to get her to sleep the first night but all in all was a successful experience of getting her to sleep without the bottle. I mentioned the idea of weaning her off of the bottle with nap/bedtime to my boyfriend and he agreed. Because he agreed we began researching some techniques and in that we found a bunch of explanations why she shouldn’t have a bottle with milk more specifically at night anyways. So even more of a reason to wean her off of it.
I’d like for it to be noted, if he said he wasn’t interested in getting her off of the bottle with bedtime, I would’ve left it alone. But anyways, so after he agreed and we came up with a plan, we talked to his BM about it cuz well, good coparenting and also so we could work together on it. She initially while I was there agreed and said it’d be a great idea and she was even already starting to. So we thought “okay great!” And then she called my BF trying to argue about the topic and then was trying to get him to say it was entirely me that was pushing for it and overstepping him and her both. Which I didn’t think was the case because I would’ve said okay and not brought it up again.
Comments
You’re not overstepping if he agreed and you’re helping, that’s called co-parenting not a crime. If her mom’s not doing it, someone’s gotta care about the kid’s teeth and bladder.
You’re not overstepping. You suggested something for the wellbeing of the kid and your boyfriend agreed.
You shouldn’t be doing really any parenting with the two year old. The father should be doing all nappy changes, night time routines, decisions with his co-parent about changing significant habits etc.
You get to be the fun person in her life. Two year olds ante lots of fun! Enjoy that and leave the responsibility of parenting to your boyfriend and the child’s mother.
Does the biological mother share custody of of the two-year-old? If so, it would be important for you to coordinate this new bedtime arrangement with the mom.
Look up “milk teeth” if you want some nightmares.
You and he decide what happens in your home with him taking the lead and having final authority. Overstepping would be to lecture mom about how she chooses to parent at her home.
I can totally understand how the baby’s mama worries about having another woman calling the shots but in this case, you are 100% right. It might be a good idea for your partner not to mention your input when talking to the kids’ mom about coparenting since it is a sore spot for the mom, but since you are affected by having the kids in your home, you should be able to discuss issues and solutions with him. The kids are lucky to have 3 adults who care about their well-being although I kind of worry about their medical care if no one has talked to the mom about bottle mouth.
I think your intentions are beautiful and well thought out-
At the same time, because he’s your boyfriend, I think the conversation needs to be between Mom and Dad.
If she doesn’t want to do it, obviously she doesn’t have too- even if it’s in the best interest of the child.
At the same time, I’m in totally in agreement that this needs to be practiced when she’s with you.
♥️
I would peace out of this situation, personally. Either he stands up for you or he doesn’t.
Not overstepping, BM just wants something to fight about
No. You’re not overstepping.
First of all, it is the ex’s fault for saying “yes” when she really meant “no”. Secondly, you have a situation here that everybody agrees has been going on far too long. It takes a village… And you are now part of this village.
Well, there are many instances where people butt in where they shouldn’t, I wish more people would take some sort of interest in other people‘s children. When I was growing up and other adults would correct me, I will look at my parents and they would say, “ You better listen to Mr. Johnson! He’s keeping you out of trouble“
But all in all, weaning the baby off of the bottle is not intrusive or counterproductive with the ex’s style of parenting. It would be one thing if she took away electronic devices, and you gave them to the child behind her back. But the equivalent would be that you both want to take the electronic devices from the child and you are doing it in different ways.