Long story short, my boyfriend and I met and loved eachother so much in the beginning. Honeymoon phase or whatever but I knew this guy was great to me and for me. we were just compatible.
Four months in i got pregnant and i was no longer that person from the first months while dating. He was great for the first almost two trimesters until my behavior affected him mentally and I was just draining this man the more i’d lose patience and not give him much reassurance. Anyways, i didn’t know i did so much damage until this year and he’s no longer empathetic, patience, loving , or caring.
Around the second trimester he’d message escorts (because i wouldn’t spend much time with him and go hang out with my family) and he didn’t do anything physical but he’d message “out of curiosity”
well of course i started having trust issues since then.
It took me almost a year to get over it and move on from such chapter and im now growing within myself to be better and have given him everything he’s asked from me a year ago. because what i did before wasn’t the best way showing him love.
well.. he no longer needs it and finds it annoying.
or so pda to him is like “why is she doing this” type of feeling.
and it makes me sad to think he no longer loves me the same.
he also messaged another escort recently (obviously no response back) but why. I found out and he immediately started saying how he’s terrible and that’s my sign to leave and if i respected myself i’d walk out.
but i also understand that he’s been stressed about everything financially, and can no longer enjoy his hobbies the way he used to. i don’t know.
we talked about it later and said if it was best to part ways or work together and help him navigate this dark phase he’s dealing with. which i don’t mind because i was there as well and learned how to overcome such behavior.
he said to stay but because he’s feeling this way, i no longer have reassurance ill need in our relationship or can speak to him about how i feel because of his lack of patience and empathy.
mind you, we have a son. any advice on how to move forward? do i be patient and allow him to find himself and part ways?
TL; DR; I believe he’s falling out of love because of everything i put him through in my pregnancy and a year later now that im what i should’ve been last year, i feel like it’s too late and he no longer is the person he was to me before.
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He told you himself to leave.
How did you treat him during your pregnancy? You say you treated him badly, but you haven’t explained how. We can’t give proper advice without the full story.
He wants to break up but wants to make you do it. It’s so shitty of him to tell you that if you respected yourself, you’d break up with him. He’s a coward.
I am sorry you are going through this. You seem to be taking on a lot of the blame here when he is 100% at fault. You didn’t “put him through” anything while pregnant. Any respectful ,committed, and loving partner would work WITH you during times os stress not run off and message escorts.
if I had to guess he was pissed he was going to be a father at age 22/23 and was doing what he could to ruin it so he could get out of the relationship/responsibility.
four months into a relationship, that’s still a stranger. he’s shown you who he really is outside of the honeymoon stage and its not someone who wants to step up to fatherhood at 23. he’s looking for any excuse to get out but isn’t even man enough to do it himself and instead what’s you to leave him. be strong and leave for yourself and your child
This is the outcome from having a child together with someone whom you don’t really know.
You only knew him 4 months before you became pregnant. In 4 months, of course, it’s very much what one would say ‘honeymoon phase.’ He likely love bombed the crap out of you.
I’m not saying that your behavior was great (Idk what you did on your 2nd trimester). But for you to basically justify himself for cheating on you because you were having pregnancy issue (you do remember that you were pregnant and having hormonal changes) was….a tad overreaching. The likelihood is, his true color has finally showed.
You’re currently scrambling to that honeymoon-rose colored glass-love bombed phase you were in. But you didn’t really know him.
At least, he does have the awareness that he’s a disgusting partner and no self-respecting woman would want to be with him. And he’s right.
You’re likely going through PPD and he wants to play victim basically and manipulate you to play ‘savior’ partner to him. His behavior is atrocious. He love bombed you then when reality hit, he cheated on you…oh because what, he can’t ‘enjoy’ his hobby anymore? Oh because he’s stressed financially? (Wow, paying for escorts will NOT help his finances, I’d give you that). Geez. He’s a DB who played victim. He ‘helped’ you create a son together, so he better shaped up, imo.
I agree with you, it is too late, or more like, you’ve seen his true colors. Stop blaming yourself for the 3 months you may have a hard pregnancy time for him cheating on you.
No he messed up and got you pregnant, 4 months isn’t long enough to really know if someone loves you. Then add the pregnancy on top and you rushed through the honeymoon stage and straight into the real him! He messaged escorts!! FFS!
He doesn’t want to be with you anymore. It’s better to accept that then force him.