NC MIL Sending Messages to mildly Just no Step MIL

This is a bit of an update from my last post about MIL trying to meet DH’s friend from high school for coffee. I don’t think they ended meeting so she went back to trying to contact my mildly just No Step Mom.

The background if you don’t want to read my post history is that DH and MIL were very emeshed. However DH also avoided her and I was a go between managing their relationship. MIL was a bottomless pit I could never make happy. Lots of manipulative, guilt tripping and passive aggressive behaviors. DH and both attended counseling and have been told MIL has emotionallyabused us. I suspect she has undiagnosed mental health issues. She herself has said he relationship with DH is an I healthy obession for her, that she made herself depressed worrying about whether or not they were close enough and got herself so worked up and anxious about she broke into hives. She refused to do counseling until after we went NC with her (now she claims she has a personal counselor). I had a traumatic birth and realized I was just an incubator to her and FIL and dropped the rope in August 2022. DH ended up going NC shortly afterwards in January 2023.

Since going NC MIL has shown up at a door and tapped a letter to it “expressing her feelings at the advice of her counselor”, called DH, threatened to show up his job multiple times, called his client line at working hoping to catch him, emailed us, had FIL message a couple of times, show up at our house twice, various text messages, and leave presents at our door for LO. Despite her antics our leaves are much more peaceful without MIL. We have had a second baby and she is unaware of him (currently 5 months) as far as we know.

Most recently she happened to run into one of DH’s “friend” (used to be a friend more of acquaintance now from high school) at the bank the friend worked at. It’s possible this was a chance meeting or possible it wasn’t. They made plans to get coffee. The friend told DH about it at a mutual friend’s wedding.DH told him they had been NC for over 2 years and MIL was unaware of our second child. He said the friend said he was sorry to hear it and thought they might not meet.

This was a few weeks ago my step Mom showed me MIL had texted her. That she was “just sick with worry about my son and his family” and that she respected if step Mom wasn’t able to answer. My step Mom responded that obviously we were fine and they would contact them if there was an emergency. She said she didn’t want to get involved in something that wasn’t her business but she “prayed for a reconciliation”.

I’m thankful my step Mom isn’t giving her any real information. DH has also changed jobs and so MIL cannot call or show up at his work anymore. But I’m just so mad about her we’d tell you if it was an emergency. Like that’s not your place. Also her I pray for reconciliation makes me mad. Like pray MIL gets some mental health help that’s effective and she stops being toxic. I feel like MIL will never give up and step Mom will never agree with my choose either. Also MILs understanding if she can’t answer (why couldn’t step Mom answer her own phone). Both DH and I are capable of answering her it’s just neither of us want to talk to her. MIL did not respond to step Mom.