For context we’ve been together for about two years now, he (20m) lives with me (19f). Last summer we used to have sex like every night and couldn’t get enough of eachother. It had come up in conversation that I didn’t like the idea of my partners watching porn. I had asked him not to, especially because we had sex like everyday and lived together so he could have me whenever he wanted. Couple weeks later I found out he watched porn when I was gone for a night. It hurt me and after that moment I was repelled by him. I was obviously hurt because he broke my trust but also grossed out that he came to other women. I know this is dramatic because ‘every guy does it’ but it just didn’t sit right with me.
Anyways we didn’t have sex for like months after that, I just couldn’t get turned on by him anymore. Our relationship was perfect otherwise. We still goofed around, went on dates, cuddled together, showered together, everything. Just nothing sexual, and it really bothered him. It’s always the elephant in the room. I never wanted to break up because I always thought it would get better or I would get over it, and I’m definitely not mad about the porn thing anymore it just flipped a switch.
I work in an environment with lots of old people and like no young people, until I started a serving job to make some extra cash. And I realized I was attracted to these guys coming in and all of the sudden thinking my bartender was hot. I realized I was actually capable of those feelings again and that I was in the mood, just not for him. We’re young and we both deserve someone to have sex with and be intimate with. We’ve had sex a couple times and it didn’t feel right or very passionate. He feels like my best friend, not a lover. And I know this isn’t fair to him so we’re taking some space right now and I’m sleeping in a different room. This has been a very big issue for almost a year now and I’m definitely considering breaking up. This is my last resort and please don’t judge me LOL
I’m not attracted to my bf anymore, what do I do?
r/Advice
Comments
You’ve grown apart aren’t compatible anymore. Also, the porn thing. Everyone at some point watches it, if that’s a no-go for you, that’s fine. But it’s kind of asking for something difficult. Break up with your boyfriend because he deserves someone who can fulfill his needs and so do you. That isn’t fair to him. Besides, eventually you or him will build resentment.
currently going through something similar. idk how to tell my bf that i’m not attracted to him anymore either. been questioning my feelings for 3 years. going to finally talk to him tomorrow.
once trust is broken it’s very difficult to fix the situation . i was in a relationship where she broke my trust and although i stayed , the thought of it was in my mind like every day and eventually we broke up .
and i think you should too because as you said it it’s not fair to him either . and you seem to have already moved on in most ways anyway , so his loss i guess .
2 years is long enough to know. Get another bf- after leaving this one
You’re super young. I married someone that I knew wasn’t the right fit for me that I started dating when I was 17. There were numerous times where I wanted to break it off and never did. Ultimately, I ended up married to her, then divorced from her. In the long run, I hurt her (and myself) way worse by prolonging the inevitable. I found out later on in my 20’s when the right person comes along, there won’t be any guessing or forcing, even during rough patches.
You seem to have let your insecurities get in the way because of porn and ruin your otherwise perfect relationship, and in a way you alienated yourself from your own boyfriend because of those insecurities, this is not fair to him and you should break it off as soon as possible.
Lol you are in for a lot of dissapointment girl
If you asked him not to watch and he still did, he doesn’t care about your feelings at all and doesn’t care if he hurts you. Just break up with him.
When it’s gone, it’s gone and it ain’t coming back. I’ve been through it. You just can’t see them the same way. Now you know who he really is. Men very seldom change for a woman. And they shouldn’t…people have to change for themselves.
Since you know it’s not the relationship you want, the sooner you move on the sooner you can find the relationship for your long term SO.
Well, therapy might help if you wanted to rekindle the attraction. It seems to me that if this is a hard and fast, never-gonna-change boundary for you, you are going to have a hard time finding a partner who meets your standards, and you will always be open to another disappointment if your future partner slips.
Only need to read the title to answer, “uh, tell him.” Context just doesn’t change the answer.
lol 😆 why not try watching porn together ? I understand he broke your trust and intimacy, but you guys are young