Context
I’m 32F. I’m married with an almost 3 year old. I go to church and have a strong faith.
There are some suspicions that I might have autism. I am looking into getting tested this summer.
I never fit in. Anywhere. And lately it’s been bugging me so much. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. People talk at me not to me. It’s all surface level. I have one best friend that took 30 years to find. And even sometimes with her I feel like I’m just in the way.
There’s also suspicions that I may be battling some depression.
I just want to stop feeling like no matter how hard I try, I don’t belong anywhere.
Comments
I always liked a quote from a rather silly yet likable movie. “Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you are clearly meant to stand out”.
Be you. F-them if they don’t like it
I am no therapist, so wouldn’t pretend that I can diagnose your case. But I got some questions that might be able to help you: Has it ever been easier to fit in with others, as in the past? Is it the conversations that are not entertaining you? Is it the overall stress from work and life occupying your mind most of the time? If you ever find someone with very similar interests as yours, would you imagine having valid conversations with them?
Maybe from here, you may be able to discover some interesting things about yourself, then perhaps you might find the answers you are looking for.
it sounds like making art or craft could help you use your energy to create stuff. there is nothing wrong with feeling out of place. being unique can be fun.
You might have autism. You also might have depression. But the “key” is being interested in what other people are going through. Sometime interested in order to help, sometimes interested in just getting information, sometimes interested because it is analogous to your own life. Try that – active listening and asking (not interrupting) follow-up questions.
Might help get you across the line.
Depression is episodic. If it’s how you always feel it’s probably not depression. Find a good therapist. Also if you are autistic, find some autistic friends. Being around people that have similar life experiences is so important.
Try the aspergirls subreddit
Are there any hobbies or sports you like to find a club to join with common interests. Don’t worry about what others think or suspect being in your head can make you act differently. Trust God and know he has you.