Obvious content warning.
I met my dad out for dinner at one of our local Mexican restaurants, and I live closer so I got there a few minutes early. I elected to sit at the bar (only patron there) where a bartender named Dante took my order: one margarita on the rocks. I’m in my early 20s, so he IDs me. Fair enough. I get carded probably 40% of the time. I am also trans, and the photo on my id is of a teenage boy (I’ll fix it soon…), which I very clearly am not. I try to avoid giving people my ID whenever I can, but, well, it’s unavoidable sometimes.
He checks the id and seems satisfied, and disappears from the bar for a minute to return with my margarita. Once I start sipping he starts grilling me about whether that’s me, what my name is, where I’m from, et cetera. To be honest, I sounded like I was lying. I got my age wrong. He clearly does not believe this is me, and thinks I am underage using some guy’s ID. He also makes it clear that he doesn’t care if I’m underage (he’s just curious).
Then my memory starts to get fuzzy.
I know my dad got there. I know I had that margarita, a glass of water, and food. I know he offered me a second one on the house. I know I said no. I know I drove home. I know I called my friend.
I don’t remember what we talked about at dinner. I don’t know how I didn’t die in a car accident by making the stupid decision to drive. I don’t know if it was the bartender or someone else. I don’t know when I knew I needed help.
I knew something was wrong. I know from my text timestamps I didn’t get to the hospital till almost 10:45, three and a half hours after finishing my one (1) margarita. I got IV fluids.
By the time a doctor saw me and actually ran any tests it was like 3am. Nothing detectable, and I’d started to be able to hold my head up by myself so, according to the doc, clearly I was exaggerating earlier. The doctor tells me to “be more careful at bars…” as if the foundation of literally our entire society is not built on the transactional trust that when you buy something from a vendor they are not trying to drug and rape you.
It’s been surreal all day and it’s finally starting to sink in. I was so lucky. I had people with me, I made it home, I got to the ER… if anything went any other way, the story you’d be reading right now would be very, very different.
Like obviously I watch my drink when I have one with an open top. I’d have to be stupid, arrogant, or both not to. But I guess I wasn’t expecting it at a restaurant, on a Monday night, from the staff. With my dad sitting next to me. Like, I did everything right, and I still got hurt. I’m not sure I can, like, feel safe with food and drink that I didn’t make anymore.
Fuck.
Comments
I’m not sure where you are but it might be worth reporting it to the police. For all you know this happens there regularly or it might trigger them to watch the place.
Sounds like GHB to me, it clears your system in like 5-6 hours so very possible it was gone by the time you got to the hospital, also causes memory loss when mixed with alcohol. I would report it to the police. You never know if he’s tried this with other people, and who knows maybe they go search the restaurant and find the bottle, or can check the security camera and see what happened.
Well they shouldn’t have given IV fluids before they tested you. Also, they often only test for a certain number of things, often the drugs used as data rape drugs are not tested for and GHB is one they don’t test for. I knew a gut that slipped into a coma from GHB and spent a week in a coma and no one could figure out why, his friends left him at a hospital. The hospital was perplexed!!
I’m so, so sorry, hun. I’m really glad you’re safe now. What happened is a huge loss of psychological safety, and I hope you have support or access to someone you can talk to, like a professional. Even if it doesn’t feel urgent right now, fear from real trauma can sneak up on you later. It can make even your safe places feel unfamiliar or unsafe and you deserve to feel safe.
For me it was New Year’s a couple years ago at a hotel bar. My partner was in our room getting ready, and I thought it would be cute for him to meet me downstairs. I got all dressed up and went to the bar. I was friendly with the bartender and a guy sitting nearby who seemed to know him. They seemed nice and i was in a great mood.
Then I decided to be fucking stupid and left my drink alone when I went to the bathroom.
My boyfriend came down before I finished the drink and I was fine, said goodbye to the guys and left. By the time we walked to the next bar, I was completely blacked out. One drink. The next day, I still didn’t understand what had happened. My mind was totally fuxking fried. I couldnt explain what was happening to me and being drugged didn’t cross my mind for weeks. I couldn’t, think, string a sentence together, or walk straight. It was terrifying, and technically, nothing “bad” even happened, so somehow I blamed myself until things clicked somehow that I could not have physically consumed enough alcohol to explain myself. It was still deeply violating.
Again, I’m really sorry you went through this. It’s okay to be scared. People can be terrifying. But you are not alone, and you will be alright.
That’s really scary and I’m really sorry this happened to you but glad you’re safe now. Leave a review everywhere you can, file a police report and tell anyone who listens.