Hi! I’m a 26F and I’m having what I guess is a quarter life crisis (just a few years late). I somewhat have my shit together- I have a masters degree, I’m in law school, and I feel good about my career trajectory. I go to therapy, and I’m continuing to work on my mental health and overall wellness. I have a lot of great friends, and I moved out of my hometown to my dream city. However, it dawned on me that I’ve been out of high school for 9 years and college for 5, and all I really have to show for it are a couple of degrees. Most of my friends from high school and college are married with kids or are in serious relationships, and I’ve never had a boyfriend- just two short-lived and very painful “situationships” for lack of better word. One of them ended about a month ago, and it broke my heart, which I think is what brought this on. I just feel like I’m running out of time- like my biological clock is ticking away, and I’m never going to experience love, marriage, or having a child. Dating feels impossible and hopeless- I hate the apps, and meeting people organically hasn’t worked. I just feel like I’m so behind, and after my last “situation” ended, I feel like I missed my chance with someone I really really liked, even though I did everything in my power to make it work. (He is now dating someone else, and I can’t help to wonder what made her worthy of commitment but not me). I logically know I’m still young enough where anything can happen, but I can’t shake this feeling of despair and hopelessness. I’ve read the statistics about 45% of women in my age bracket being single in 2030, and I’ve listened to the podcasts about how dating for women right now is more difficult than ever. It just feels like love isn’t an option for me. While I know de-centering men is super important, I’m a hopeless romantic and I want to experience romantic love. How do I overcome this feeling of hopelessness and despair, like I’m running out of time?
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You have plenty of time. Your degrees are nothing to downplay. You are investing in yourself. There is no greater investment to make.
At 26, most of my friends were married or getting married. I felt a lot of pressure to be where they were in life. I ended up marrying someone I shouldn’t have married just to stop feeling so out of step with my peers.
I wish I had the wherewithall to focus on myself instead of focusing outward.
I made up ground later but wasted time unnecessarily in the process.
You’re doing great. Really. Great. Keep going to therapy and talk about this. It’s the perfect platform.
just a note on the ‘45% of women in my age bracket being single in 2030’ stat — that study defined single as ‘non married’. take from that what you will.
Someone said to me in my 20s, “when you get older, you’ll never look back and wish you had gotten married and had kids sooner than you did”
I found my peace and figured out who I am and liked my single life and then boom, met my dream man on bumble in my late 30s and married him a few years later. And I’m not excited to be married – I’m excited still to be married to him.