I went through my boyfriend’s phone last night and found a bunch of messages between him and other girls and I honestly don’t know how to cope with it.
For some context: my boyfriend and I have been on and off the most of this month. We have tried to get back together and rekindle things and he always messes it up someway, somehow. I’ve forgiven him for the ways that he’s hurt me in the past and I’m still recovering from some of the things he’s done so to find out he was messaging allllll of these women behind my back restarts all of the hurt.
We have been dating on and off since last year. We lived together, had plans of getting married, and even in the process of trying for a baby. I guess during these times where we were going through a rough patch he thought it was a smart idea to try and meet up with a bunch of girls behind my back. The funny/ embarrassing/ sad thing is these women that he was messaging showed 0 INTEREST and he would be messaging them not once, but triple texting them. I found some messages from when we had gotten back together and the same night we had spent together, he was asking to meet up with women at 2-3 AM. There was multiple and none of them responded to him. Some even told him that they had boyfriends and he still wasn’t letting up. He was so desperate to the point that he went on list crawlers and escort sites as well…It makes a lot more sense why he was being so secretive about his phone and constantly trying to accuse me of doing the things HE was really doing.
I took screenshots of the messages and even messaged some of the girls to let him know. There was one girl in particular that was responding to him a lot and I think they met up, she had told me they’ve been talking since the end of May (we were together) and was asking him questions like “do you love me” “do you miss me” I’m assuming these are the women that he is using as placeholders when we aren’t working out but still. I have an extreme attachment to him but know this should be the last of whatever this is, how do I approach this situation?
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Just do yourself a favor and say goodbye to him and just block him. He is playing in the field and you were just part of the game his game. I know you have feelings for him, but you’re only gonna hurt yourself if you stay with him good luck.
You’ve forgiven him for hurting you and crossing boundaries before, why would he stop when he knows he can? Sounds like this is a cycle that will never end. I understand attachment- until you’re ready to you won’t let this go. If he loved you, he would leave you himself- but why would he when he can have his cake and eat it
Cheating isn’t just betrayal, it’s someone watching you love them deeply while they already chose to break your heart. You don’t need to fix this. You need to free yourself.
Wake Up! He’s just Not That into You! Why in hell would you even want to be with him he’s checking out other women and escorts. Do not forgive him.
Girl , cheating is something that is not forgivable . And if he loves you more than anything else , then why is he talking like this with other girls instead of working on his relationship with you !
I also faced this situation , so what i did after that is I just stopped talking to him , he tried reaching me out but i was ignoring him every single possible way , coz i didn’t wanted to listen to all those ” Fake Daleele ” jo vo mere saamne pesh krta to prove himself innocent .
Ever heard “Once a cheater always a cheater.” I believe to that. Me and my ex-girlfriend had a similar relationship. First time I caught her she made a lot of excuses. After a lot of talk and pressure from mutual friends I forgave her. 5 months later I caught her with another guy in our bed.
Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater
No
Cheating can be forgiven if it’s within certain circumstances. It can’t be habitual, it has to be when someone isn’t in their right mind space and they have to have genuine remorse. They have to want to correct the behavior, not just leave it in the past.
Girl, ICK! Like, BARF! Block, delete, forget. Gross. Can I just add don’t get pregnant with this degenerate loser child FFS, grow some self respect!
Make a decision and never look back.
Trust yourself! If you’re going to forgive and trust anyone let it be yourself.
Do not have a child with this person. You’ll be stuck with him forever.
Being attached and having a history is not a reason to sacrifice yourself or your happiness to stay. It’s not a reason to not cut ties and move forward with your life.
You could be missing out on opportunities to be happy and feel secure.
I hope everything works out for you
Me personally? No I wouldn’t forgive that. I think it would completely destroy me in every sense of the word that the person I love took repeated conscious actions to disregard what we build together, my feelings and my boundaries. Now cheaters do get forgiven sometimes, if that’s the path you want to take you’re going to have to understand that once you do forgive, don’t go the revenge route where now you have free reign to just torture him until you feel better, be raw, honest, establish rules and boundaries. Now all of this is doable if this wasn’t a pattern, and from how you’ve been describing this relationship, it’s a pattern. Do you really want to be dealing with this for however long? Do you really want to bring a baby into this dynamic? Does this show you a committed husband and a present father? Try to look inward into why are you so addicted to this relationship and put all that effort back into yourself. Once you go through the initial withdrawal you’ll be thanking the heavens you dropped his ass to the curve and be wandering why you didn’t do it sooner.
Theoretically – yes but it requires a lot of effort from both sides, maturity, accountability, etc.
The fact that you couldn’t even stay together before all of this during the honeymoon phase – yeah, shake hands and walk in diff directions.
He’s done and you should be too.
I have gone through this before. I caught messages of a girl (his ex) sending pics to one another & dirty chatting, & flirting. I was waiting for him in the kitchen while he was showering, we were going out for dinner that night. Instead, I threw his phone in the trash can after reading those messages & walked out the door, he never saw me or heard from me again. This was 10 years ago.
The worse and best way to damage someone emotionally is to do it cold heartedly like this, I think this will really puncture him and he will feel remorse probably. He was the first guy I ever slept with, first guy I ever been with, and he fucked me over by cheating. Never look back at cheaters. Be cold, and dump him cold. Fuck cheaters.
I’m sorry but you deserve better
you really want to forgive a serial cheater that even went to the lengths of hiring prostitutes? get out of there asap
Idk. I heard some guy forgave his girl 8 times.. 8 TIMES!!!! For me, there hasn’t been a second chance. Once you cheat, you’re gone!! Never to be forgiven, never to be heard of. Just gtfo my face and vanish! I show them what I bring to the table. Instead of leaving cuz its not enough, you want to cheat to make me feel like im not enough? Gtfo!! Yeah sorry, I hate cheaters.
And im talking about any kind of cheating. Sex, kissing, emotional.. you go to put your head on some other guy’s shoulder and cry with him. That’s cheating big time, and you should just leave. Fck that.
Girl it’s not worth it. Save yourself some time and cut him off
Why would you try for a baby with someone you aren’t marrieed to and has cheated on you? Get some self-respect?
Imo at least no.
Dump him. Don’t explain, just tell him he’s done!
in this case, just run girl. you’re worth more than this. you deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them.
Well according to research about 40% of people cheat despite the threat of sanctions and even death . So it’s pretty common . Expectations are high but the actual risk is high .
Oh M’Dear, just stop! Don’t be a Pick-me placeholder.
Stop trying for a baby.
IMO cheating might be worth working through if you have been married a long time and have a long history, kids and property in common. If it was a one time thing and he is remorseful.
A boyfriend of a year ? No. This is the phase where you can easily leave if someone is a jerk. It is the whole point of dating… to see if this is the right person. If he is already cheating this early in your relationship? Not worth it.
And don’t have a baby unless you are married to someone with no history of cheating on you.
Also… this isn’t some one time thing. This guy was seeing hookers and harassing uninterested women.
I think under certain circumstances couples can move on from cheating but both parties have to give it their all , however in your case , you just need to run . If every time you two get into a spat he is going to hit that speed dial button and hope he can sneak in a little ass before you guys get back together .
I’m not trying to make light of this , just trying to say look you have only been together for barely a year and to already be over the honeymoon phase so quickly says a lot of not so good things about this relationship. From what you have written I truly believe that if you continue in this relationship you will be with a man who is nothing more than a serial cheater .
I read posts like yours and I seriously wonder why you don’t just leave him already. It seems like the more these guys do shitty things to you the more you women keep loving them. I don’t understand why you think there’s not other guys out there who deserve your attachment and love and who won’t hurt or betray you. You say you guys have been off and on for most of this month? It’s the 25th. So over 25 days you guys have broken up, got back together, broke up, and got back together, maybe even more times than twice? That’s a whole hell of a lot of drama for 3 and a half weeks! This guy can’t go one month being faithful and honest with you? He searches for women to screw after you already hooked up with him that same night? WHAT??!! I don’t know how much more this guy can do to you before you say goodbye and move on to better things. Beat you, rape you, attempt to murder you? What’s it gonna take? Are you addicted to the drama of it all? You know you’re worth more than this because you wrote this post. Take control of your life and make it a good one. YOLO, right?
Depends on the circumstances, but it can be forgiven IF both parties want to work through it AND it the cheating party puts in a heck of a lot of work to make up for their actions, rebuild trust, show remorse and change what they do so they do not cheat again. That is a lot of effort few will actually put it but it can be done
Children don’t need parents that behave in a relationship like this. This man is not your soulmate, he’s just scum
Everybody should give grace.
These people never change, talking from experience. Very unlikely that he will ever stop with this behaviour, and if he hasn’t cheated on you yet there is your evidence that he actively trying. Usually these people even if they stop actively pursue affairs, given the opportunity they will do it. Are you really want to be with a partner like this?
You get some self respect, walk away and cut ties completely.
Source: someone who has tried to mend a relationship after cheating betrayal.
that’s honestly painful
My wife cheated me. We tried but it didnt work anymore. So we split up. I advise you the same.
But fist just forgive him – you ll fell better for later. 🙂 🙂
If you have any questions or fell sad – just text me. I ve been thought that already
Nope.
Move on if she embarrassed for reasons then cheat on her if she’s jealous of you if she can’t give you what you want then fuck off .
Everyone cheats in some way. If the person has stopped cheating now, would move on.
No, this will be forever a pain in the as
Yeah so the reason your hurting yourself more and keep coming back to him is because when you give him another chance and he fails you again, your left feeling used and disappointed. The more you allow youself to be used, the shittier you start feeling about yourself because your own self value starts to deplete rapidly because you dont allow yourself to realize that you have a free will to say “I dont want to feel this way anymore”. True value and self love comes from self preservation and honesty. In order to protect your heart.
The reason you care so much about his approval is because you gave him the power to do so. And everything from there is all one sided. Your no longer a girlfriend but an option in his roster of people that he knows wont say no to and thats where he can take advantage of you. I will say this alot of pretty woman will feel ugly once they get cheated on but you have to realize that most men dont see women as individuals, but a number on their scoreboard. And thats where you have to separate yourself from that to not fall in that trap. All I have to say is I wish you luck and from all of this I hope you have the courage to realize that you shouldnt have to tolerate this type of person or behavior. Much luck to you.
Dating is the process by which you get to know somebody to determine if you can be with them long-term. There’s also the honeymoon. Where things have the highest emotional desire. If somebody cheats on you in the first couple of years of dating and can’t keep it together. It’s a character flaw.
Most people don’t cheat cheating destroys your partner’s self-esteem for a time some never fully recover. It creates a small PTSD reaction. Never stay with somebody that cheats that’s my opinion on my experience because cheaters are liars and they will cheat again. I was fathered by the primo cheater of the world.
To answer your question, you can forgive them just forgive them when you’ve gone on with your life and they’ve gone on with ours. You forgive for yourself so you can make peace and not carry around resentment and bitterness. You don’t need them present to do that.
If you have no trust in your partner enough to go through their phone, the relationship is over already.
I can not stress this enough…. DO NOT LOOK THROUGH THE PHONE UNLESS YOU’RE READY TO BE RIGHT!! come on girls, we are smarter than this, send all the screenshots to yourself from his phone, then delete them, get all your stuff you might keep at his, same with at yours, pack up his shit, and just block him on everything, he isn’t going to have a clue because you (deleted the screenshots) you sent yourself on his phone, then you can say I know you were talking to such and such, when he denies it send him the screenshots! I hope you’re okay angel, people are the worst
Did you hit your head young lady?
How old are you? Is this what a healthy relationship looks like to you?
On and off? Marriage? Trying for children?
I implore you to seek some therapy. Please.