I feel like everything I say is “triggering her PTSD” and it’s getting to a point where I’m walking on eggshells. This morning I joked because I called out of work sick and asked her to send money for my lunch. She said that me joking about that triggered her trauma of having a crappy man. Like what? That’s just one example. I feel like I’ve had to have multiple convos already with her about this stuff and trying to reassure her but this left me with zero sympathy.
How do I go about triggering my (32M) girlfriends (30F) trauma almost daily?
r/Advice
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that sounds exhausting, dude. If she’s getting triggered by regular stuff and not working through it, that’s not all on you, she’s gotta do her part too.
You can’t build love while walking on eggshells it’ll crush you first. If she’s not actively healing, you’ll keep paying the price for wounds you didn’t cause.
If she has a good man (you) but is constantly living life as if she had a crappy man, then she isn’t over her ex. She’s not ready to be with you, or anyone else for that matter.
She needs therapy.
She needs to work on her “PTSD” before she gets into relationships then.
It sounds like she needs therapy and you ARE a crappy man.
Does she have BPD?
That sounds exhausting – I think if she’s not actively working to heal from her ‘trauma’ by going to therapy or some sort of counselling then it’s going to be very hard for you two to continue in the relationship.
Nothing is worst than feeling like you’re walking on egg shells all the time.
Whilst I appreciate she has ‘trauma’, most people that have experienced it, will actively work towards healing from it.
I personally, have had some awful experiences in relationships, and it has affected some that I was in, BUT I learned if I didn’t address the issues then I would ruin every relationship I was ever in – so I began therapy. Been in it over 2 years and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and it’s helped me build a healthy relationship. Of course, some things do still trigger me, like shouting or loud objects but that’s normal. I don’t get triggered by every little thing.
Hope this helps
That kinda sounds more like Hypochondria, could be wrong ….
But PTSD is a result of a traumatic life experience.
Either way she needs long term mental health support from a medical provider. Has she seen a doctor for this ? Does she been given a diagnosis?
No fuck that. She’s weaponizing her past to destroy YOUR present, and future if you keep on with this
Just because someone theoretically victimized her doesn’t mean she gets to victimize you.
Sounds like a her problem. It’s not your job to fix her and if you’re walking on eggshells talk to her about it. I have PTSD I literally shot someone and killed hm in a self defense situation I did 5 years in prison. I’m completely over it. You can make jokes about it and I really don’t care. Some people just need to grow up. If she’s that “triggered” by a joke she can gladly fuck off. There are other women who are more mature who will go along with your jokes, or laugh with you instead of making you feel like shit for cracking one.
Tell her to come off Reddit and live in the real world.
Seriously though, just tell her to cut it out, tell her it’s affecting you, then leave her if you’re still unhappy. Decisions.
Is she in therapy? She needs to be.
But also, asking her to send you money for lunch because you called out sick? That’s not funny. And I bet it was only a “joke” because she got upset..
This sounds like an ex I had some years ago. She was very deep into psychotherapy (not bad, at all, not complaining about it) but it was to the point that she would try to associate every single thing of the daily life to it, always trying to fit random or casual events into her newly learned concepts. Everyone and everything was into the “toxic”, “narcissist”, “healing process”, etc sphere, she would judge a lot everyone and try to over analyse everything. Was exhausting, even for her.
If this is the case, if your gf is into some sort of recent/current learning experience about emotional boundaries and deepening, trauma recovery, etc. You could give her that feedback so she adjust her tone and maybe discuss it with her psychologist.
In any case, this is not ok, you should not live like that. She cannot, consciously or subconsciously, manipulate you or antagonise you with her trauma elements, if any.
> I called out of work sick and asked her to send money for my lunch
It sounds like you’re annoying her and she’s trying to communicate how unfunny you’re being. Calling her dramatic or blaming her for disliking the way you’re acting isn’t going to make these kinds of jokes funny to anyone else.
is she actually getting triggered or does she just not know what triggered means?? maybe she’s joking and you think it’s serious? i don’t know. but you should talk about it after completely understanding the words meaning.
if she is actually getting psychologically triggered by these small things i’d suggest therapy, not judging her just stating that help would be good
Sounds tiring dealing with that 😵💫😪 unhealed ppl will bleed on YOU and have you doing mental gymnastics trying to make them feel better… it ain’t worth it ! If y’all have had convos already and things aren’t getting better you should really see how this will affect you long term. Her ptsd will become your ptsd too 🤔🫤 proceed with caution!
I have to tell you maybe you should rethink this relationship. this relationship is not going to be much fun and if it’s not fun then why bother? Sounds exhausting.
If you’re in love with her: Tell her that she needs to start therapy if your relationship is going to continue.
If you’re not in love with her: Break up and explain that you can no longer pay penance for other men’s behavior
PTSD sucks but it’s our responsibility to treat it, otherwise it can control our lives.
This is a result of the “everyone is a victim” mentality of people these days. It’s manipulative and disgusting.
I am an anxious person (F) but I don’t find that joke funny. But if she reacts like this to everything she definitely has issues to work on.
Dude just leave.
She may have PTSD about something but “having a chappy man” isn’t it. Sounds more like she is weaponising her diagnosis tbh.
Regarding whatever she does have PTSD about (I’m assuming she has an actual diagnosis not self diagnosis) it obviously isn’t her fault but she clearly is not well enough currently to handle being in a relationship and all the extra challenges that she faces. It’s not your fault either though.
You leave her.
Find a new girlfriend, I had an ex that did this. She weaponized her disability.
Break up with her tell her she needs to see a therapist and not to get into another relationship until she has been fixed because she is the problem.
This sounds like made up bullshit.
And if she indeed has real issue with trauma you are neither equipped to deal with them, or is it your problem to fix.
Move on and let her fix her own issues
If her reactions are affecting your ability to feel safe or heard, it’s okay to set boundaries and suggest professional help
That’s a lot of red flags! If she’s not willing to work through her trauma then it might be time to leave the relationship.
Trauma is such an overused diagnosis today man I’m sorry your lady is putting you through that with zero regard for your mental health
Leave. No one deserves to walk around on egg shell their whole relationship
Is she in therapy? If she cares about being a good partner to you, she will be in treatment to work through her trauma. Even so, it may take years or decades for her to overcome it. Ask yourself if it’s worth the wait. Is she considerate of how her past trauma is potentially damaging her current relationship (you)? Or does she just seem to use it as an excuse to avoid the slightest discomfort?
How long have you been together? Is this a new thing?
Look up “Borderline Personality Disorder” and see if it’s a good fit for her. Then run.
That sounds like an overuse of the term ‘trauma,’ to say the least. Self-diagnosed ‘PTSD’ is the flavour of the times, especially when it just means “negative things may have happened to me during my life and I use that as an excuse to be self-centered.” It’s up to you how much you want to put up with, OP. Do you want to walk on eggshells forever?
You might need to break up so that she can work on herself . This isn’t helping her and it’s only going to break you.Let her go so she can work on being healthy. You shouldn’t bleed on those that didn’t cut you and that’s what she’s doing . The responsibility to fix herself is on her.